If it’s true, members of Slayer and Anthrax might be joining forces for a new tour. It’s rumored that the bastard love child of the bands Slayer and Anthrax , “Slanthrax”,might play the Rockstar Mayhem Uproar Slaughter on the Range as well as taking on the headlining slot for 70,000 Tons of Ship Rocked cruise. Once again, if it’s true, the lineup looks like this: Joey Belladonna and Tom Araya on vocals, Kerry King and Scott Ian on guitars, Frank Bello on bass and Charlie Benante on drums.
According to website Collapse Board, the following memo regarding the upcoming 2013 20th anniversary reissue of Nirvana’s, In Utero, is making the rounds to all the major music media outlets. It’s a bizarre, rambling statement of how best to prepare “everyone” for the “major musical event of 2013”. Otherwise to be known as In Utero’s reissue. You might want to lie down to while reading this one…
This memo is being sent out to prepare everyone for the major musical event of 2013. I am speaking, of course, about the 20th anniversary reissue of In Utero by Nirvana. Our friends at Pitchfork will produce a news item around May letting people know that the reissue is coming. Details will be scant, but it will nevertheless grease the wheels and allow a suitable amount of excitement to build up before the actual reissue. When the reviews start to appear it is vital that they all hold to a similar pattern. To understand why this is the case we must look once more to The Beatles. The sheer amount of Beatles literature (and its continued market success) should tell us all one very important fact: people not only like to read the same story over and over again, they demand it. Our job is to retell the story, to reinforce the legends, to emphasise the inflexibility of the narrative. So, given these facts I’ve prepared some bulletin points that focus on what each review should highlight:
Give some brief background details. This is called SETTING THE SCENE. The Nirvana/Kurt Cobain legend must reinforce again and again the idea of the reluctant star, the uncomfortable voice of a generation. I recommend the use of the term “thrust into the limelight”. It functions beautifully for our purposes. I can’t stress enough that if the tragedy of the story is to emerge it can only do so from the idea of the reluctant star. Nevermind made them famous. What would they do now? (If you must mention Incesticide, be sure to call it a “stopgap” release.)
In Utero must be viewed as their attempt to regain punk credibility. Nirvana are on a major label, but you should present Cobain as a punk rocker at heart. Further tragedy can be wrung from the idea of the compromise that Nirvana made when they opted to sweeten two of the Steve Albini-produced tracks and make them more airplay friendly. (Please note: the original Albini-produced album will be available with the reissue. We have several bloggers working on reviews that seek to dismiss the original release and describe the original Albini mix as a ‘revelation’. This should bring the Nevermind haters on board).
The reissue itself. The best way to get people to buy an album twice is to say it has been remastered. This usually amounts to making it louder, but this is where reviews can be crucial. The reviewer must create an unscratchable itch in the reader that makes them view the original release as an inferior product. Phrases like “went back to the original master tapes” and “working with the band” help, but it must be more than that. Use other phrases like “Cobain’s aching howl sounds even more revelatory” (be careful not to overuse revelation/revelatory), and indicate that the remastering job “breathes new life” into the album. Don’t insinuate that the mix has changed, more that it has been enhanced so that you hear everything with new ears.
The bonus tracks. The original Albini mix will be a huge draw. Ultimately this will be the thing that convinces the doubters to part with their money. When dealing with the original Albini mix, explore the idea of compromise versus Cobain’s “original vision”, and don’t miss the opportunity to bring tragedy to the surface once again.
Summing up. Two things are essential when summing up In Utero: It must be touted as the best Nirvana album. A phrase like “though Nevermind was their breakthrough, In Utero is undoubtedly their best” should work fine. You might want to say “may well be their best”. We’ve already sold them Nevermind by making it seem like a special moment in musical history, so let’s sell them In Utero by pointing out that it’s actually their best. This time, it’s all about the music. The second thing to emphasise is that In Utero must be seen as the last will and testament of a soul not long for this world. Stress how dark, disjointed, and angry the album is. Stress its compromised creation. Be sure to include a sentence along the lines of “just over six months after In Utero’s release Cobain would be dead by his own hand”. By all means, mention heroin and suicide attempts but make sure Cobain’s untimely death seems tragic yet inevitable.
So how is this latest Internet weirdness going to shake out? Only time and the ability to attribute this “leaked” memo to a legitimate source (insert NOT Courtney Love) will tell. In other news, I have no idea why anyone (insert even Courtney Love), would think this shit is legit.
Okay. I agree Internet memes. Keanu Reeves IS sad. For only a very sad man could look that hot, drinking some Starbucks, while leaning on his newly waxed, chick magnet (as if Keanu Reeves needs such a thing), auto mobile. All I can say is this. If Keanugrows a beard and starts rapping, I’m calling bullshit on this early, mid-life crisis crap.
Vampire “Grillz” in “Silber” (typ0 direct from Iced-Out-Biz’s website) by Iced-Out Biz. $24.50. One size fits all. For GGG.
Now, before you rush out and get your own Vampire Grillz, the folks at Iced-Out-Biz have a “DO NOT DO’S” for you, and your mouth…:
Cautions for Users:
1: If you feel irritation or pain at the teeth or around mouth, stop wearing it immediately (Hmmm, okay. Grilzz might give me the mouth aches. Check. I think).
2: Do not wear it while sleeping (Vampires never sleep! I got this one nailed, er, CHECK!).
3: Do not wear it while doing exercise (Is creeping around in the bushes considered “exercise”? If not then, check!).
4: Do not wear it while chewing food (Got it. No gum, candy, chicken or people eating. Check.).
5: Do not use it as a dental prosthetic device (No teeth, no grillz for you. Check).
6: Never bite people or animals with wearing the product. (What? But what fun is that? Aww, f*$k, Check).
7: Do not put in the microwave. (Hot teeth, not good. Check).
8: Keep away from pets. (No grillz for fido or pussy, check).
The creation of Mark Zable(who was probably smoking the good shit when he came up with the idea), Deep Fried Beer will of make its glorious debut at the Texas State Fair competing in the Big Tex Choice Awards on Labor Day. Zable’s Deep Fried Beer will compete against other fried anomalies like Deep Fried Frozen Margarita, Texas Fried Frito Pie and Fried Lemonade.
To make his beer infused fried wonder chunks, Mark takes a ravioli, fills it up with Guinness, seals it and then tosses it into a deep fryer. It’s said that your first chomp on this boozy ravioli will sends a shot of beer, deep into the hear of Texas, or your mouth. Zable says it took him three years to perfect his drunken pasta and, keeps the intimate deep fried deets of Deep Fried Beer, under wraps.