The Leprechaun of Mobile, Alabama. Yes, really. For Sarah P. who knows that Rírá is real…

Rírá is afoot in Mobile!

via: Dlisted.

Minotaur Man can hear you laughing.

Here we see the rare Minotaur Man in his natural habitat, the Renaissance Fair.

Muff Diving!

Thanks!: Dlisted.

Official Donny Osmond 2010 Calendar. $14.99. Yes, really.

Dear Donny Osmond,

Okay Donny, it’s true. You’re face does in fact look like a baby’s bottom (not this baby’s bottom, but you get my drift). Your wig hair is perfect and time as we know it has all but ceased to tick away for you. And, if my face/wig/hair looked as good as yours, I would be slapping that shit on a calendar and selling it for $14.99 too.

Anyway, I don’t know what kind of Witchcraft Mormon White Magic! you’re using to maintain your youthful appearance but, I want in. I’m putting on my special issue purple socks now and will await your eminent arrival (via spacecraft I assume).

Love,

Cherrybomb

PS: To buy one of Donny’s calendars, click here.

The award for Single Mom of the Year goes to…

So many things wrong with this ad, don’t know where to start…feeling dizzy…vision blurry. Can’t see numbers to dial DSS.

Thanks to RDK for the link.

Source.

Val Kilmer at last night’s AMA Awards. Yes, really.

Dear Val Kilmer,

Oh, fuck. Never mind.

Love,

Cherrybomb

A Seattle Ninja impales himself on fence during a demonstration about poorly executed Ninja-y stunts that won’t make you any money. Because you’re dead and all…

A Seattle Ninja is in serious condition after getting impaled on a 5 foot metal fence when he attempted to jump over it. The Seattle PD says alcohol may have been better have been involved.

Source.

Japanese television ad for who the fuck knows what.

This is sort of NSFW but I’m not too sure why. You’re just going to have to trust me on this one.

Source.

The Message Toaster by Sasha Tseng.

Have you ever wanted to break up with someone by leaving them a note on a piece of toast? Well now you can.

More here.

Aim HIGH! When I grow up, I want to be just like Mommy.

Although this Kindergarten teachers keen observation is somewhat suspicious, I have to admit that Home Depot sure looks a lot like the inside of Showgirls, Inc. On a busy night I might add.

Hello Kitty contacts. For AFJ.

Bad kitty. No.

Thanks!: Hello Kitty Hell.

Spat Solver. The Ultimate Argument Resolution Device. $19.95. Thanks!: RDK.

Sadly, Spat Solver isn’t a real product. Which also means that the handy Apologizer isn’t real either. FML.

Shane Lee, the Human Beat Box.

Not only can Shane Lee sing five octaves, he is also a human beat box. True story.

Imitation Meatloaf.

Police say that Eric Brown (see Mugshot of the year above) was drunk when he got into a cab dressed in a vampire costume and makeup. When the cab made it’s way to the Interstate 75 in Cincinnati, Brown grabbed the wheel of the taxi for some unknown reason. The Imitation Meatloaf was charged with disorderly conduct while intoxicated.

Via: WLWT.

Image of Jesus (?) on a bathroom door at an Ikea in Glasgow. For Freddy Pants.

Meh. I’ve seen better looking images of Jesus in a frying pan. Anyway, word from the top brass at Ikea say that the image is really Benny Anderson of ABBA. If you want my opinion (and you verra well do), I think it looks more like Frylock from Aqua Teen Hunger Force, but that’s just because I’m completely stoned me.

Thanks!: WOW.

Actor/Comedian Hal Sparks. Not Gene Simmons.

WHOA! What happened to Hal Sparks? I say that because Hal used to look like this. And like this when he hosted E!’s Talk Soup. And for the last five years on Showtime’s Queer as Folk. I mean, did he break up with his girlfriend? His boyfriend? Did he recently stop drinking or, did he start drinking at noon. Like two days ago?

Anyways, I’m not sure if Hal knows who he is or where he is from the looks of this photo. But I’m sure of at least one thing. That isn’t a picture of Gene Simmons (above). I mean, I’m not even sure if this is a picture of Gene Simmons. However, the photo below is definitely a picture of Gene Simmons …:

Gene Simmons on the flesh and in a wig. Dear GOD please let that be a wig…

All I know is if you try to look like Gene Simmons on purpose, it damn well better be Halloween.

Ultimate Fighting for Babies!

The bare-knuckle-dragging sport of Ultimate Fighting has come to your kid’s kindergarten class. If you live in Missouri that is. So far, Missouri is the only state that says it’s okay for children as young as six to engage in organized, youth fighting.

The 11 boys and one girl on the team range from 6 to 14 years old and are trained by Rudy Lindsey, a youth wrestling coach and a professional mixed martial arts heavyweight.

In most states the activity would get you a misdemeanor charge. In Oklahoma it’ll get 30 days in the clink. Anyways, don’t tell Tommy Bloomer there’s something wrong with youth fighting. Bloomer’s two kids (ages 11 and 8) are a part of “Garage Boys Fight Crew“. Bloomer says the demented version of Kiddie Fight Club provides positive reinforcement to kids. By teaching them how to defend themselves in the gym, instead of on the streets:

Positive reinforcement by Fight Club…

“We’re not training them for dog fighting,” said Bloomer, a 34-year- old construction contractor. When they get out of the cage, they go back and play video games together. If they get in trouble or get bad grades, I’ll hear about it and they can’t come to training.”

Wow. Training kids to fight in cages? What kind of Pavlovian on-line school did Tommy Bloomer drop out of? Let me be the first person to nominate Tommy for “Father of the Year“. And I hope Tommy wins. Because I’m afraid if he doesn’t win, he might send his 11-year-old kid over to beat my kneecaps off. With his bare hands.

Tramp Stamps R’ Us for toddlers at Toys ‘R’ Us…

In other redneck parenting news, you can now pick up a sweet “Tramp Stamp” temporary tattoo at Toys ‘R’ Us for your little tramp-in-training. Because it’s never too early to start turning your kid into a whored out version of yourself.

Thanks to the Red Davey Kid and Breitbart for the ultimate linkage…

The 2010 Pontiac El Camino G8 Sport Truck

The folks at Pontiac have officially lost their minds. Because nothing could convince me that the picture above is in any way, an El Camino. Pontiac’s redux of the mythical El Camino is the latest in the ongoing bastardization of cars that were once cool. It also one-up’s Fords uncool assault on the Shelby this year.

Due out in 2010, it’s the first time since 1987 that the El Camino has been manufactured. Why does every car manufactured these days have to look 50 cents short of a Toyota Camry? And while I definitely don’t mean to imply that Pontiac has actually manufactured an El Camino, you might be asking Cherrybomb “why is the 2008 El Camino not really an El Camino?”

Because this, is an El Camino:


The Real Deal – 1970 El Camino SS

It’s rumored that a 1972 El Camino owned by Frank Sinatra sold at an East Coast auction for $50K. Mint vintage generations of the El Camino routinely sell in upwards of $25K. Cherrybomb’s friend, Frankie Laughing Gas drove a 1970’s purple El Camino. Until he crashed it into a wall while a young Cherrybomb sat in the back seat.

Those were good times.

Anyways, all I know is two things: Pontiac didn’t make no El Camino. And if Mustang decides to regurgitate a version of the 1971 Mach 1, I’m calling Frankie Laughing Gas and we’re driving into that wall again. Oh wait…they did that in 2003.

Better call Frankie.

*Editors Note: In regards to the author’s comments about the 2008 Mustang Sheby, the author is aware that the 2008 Shelby redesign was based more on the 1968 Shelby model and not the 1967 Shelby provided in this link. But that still makes the 2008 Shelby fat, and ugly. Like your mother. *

Iggy makes an important pit check on the R&R Hall of Fame red carpet

Iggy: Man…what is that smell?

Madonna: Don’t worry Justin. If he tries to touch you, I’ll hit him with this meaningless award they just gave me.

Justin: Man, I’m so HIGH.

Madonna: Justin, did you hear me? Wait…are you high?

Iggy: What is that smell?

Madonna: Shut up Iggy or I’ll start singing…

Iggy: Hey Justin…is this your Mom next to me? I think she farted…

Madonna: I don’t fart. And if I did, it certainly wouldn’t smell.

Justin: Wait…my Mom’s here? Shit! I’m totally high! Hey! Old lady next to me, you gotta hide me!

Iggy: Oh wait…that is me that smells, my bad. Sorry Justin’s Mom.

Madonna: I’m not Justin’s…oh never mind. Justin, take me home.

Justin: Okay. But only if you promise not to sing Borderline in the car again. I hate that song.

Iggy: Did you just say “Borderline“? I love that song! Is Madonna here?

Justin: I didn’t see her. But I’m totally high so you shouldn’t ask me. Wait, I think I smell pizza. Man, I’m so hungry.

Iggy: That’s not pizza man. I think your Mom just farted again.

Madonna: Why did I come out tonight? I should have just stayed home practicing my fake British accent and kicking Guy in the nuts every time he says he wants a divorce. Sigh.

You can see more photos of Iggy and company at Dlisted.

Wow, uh…hmmmm. Wait did you…um…what I, uh…hold on. You got a little something on the back of your…um, hmmm. What in the name of My Little Pony is that anyway? Awwww, never mind.

Mickey’s sporting the weave of death for Darren Aronofsky’s new film “Wrestler“. Mickey plays Randy “The Ram” Robinson in the film.

Anyways, I’ve got a horrible hangover today so Mickey’s weaveariffic mug is gonna have to do for you today.