Scott Baio. 48 and Full of Hate. Coming soon to the Discovery Channel.
According to the Internets, former teen heart-throb Scott Baio recently tweeted some questionable comments via his Twatter after filing his taxes. What happened next will forever live on in Internet infamy as one of the most unexpected celebrity (*cough*) meltdowns of all time. Here’s exhibit A, Baio’s tweet about his taxes:
Wa! Wa! Wa! Anyway, Chachi’s “kill the poor” tweet got the attention of the website Jezebel. Jezebel posted Baio’s tweet on their site, resulting in a bunch of responses from Jezebel’s readers ranging from calling Baio a “bag of mashed assholes” to the suggestion that he might need an “empathy intervention”. Which really pissed Baio off. So naturally, he tweeted about it:
Baio then went on to play every crazy card in his deck, shooting back at Jezebel saying that he was going to “pray “for them while reminding the blog (run and written by women) that “the broom and the dustpan are in the closet”. Scott thought he was being sneaky by tweeting his barefoot-and-pregnant jive in poorly translated Italian. Chachi: FAIL! Then things got truly bananas when Baio’s wife (whom he acquired on his reality TV series, Scott Baio is 45 and Single) got into the virtual fist-fight with the following tweet:
It’s nice to see Mrs. Baio smiling in her Twitter profile picture while holding her infant daughter. It almost diffuses her use of the words “Lesbian shitasses!!!!!!” and “cuntness”. But not so much her quote that “Scott Baio has more class in his piss” than the rest of us. Anyway, as true to form as any closet hater can be, Mrs. Baio qualified her shitass statements via a follow-up tweet, defending her Freedom of Speech and also to remind everyone that she herself has “lesbian” friends who are nice and loyal. To say nothing of her other friends that come in all shapes (her one fat friend), sizes (her other, fatter friend) and colors (she has been photographed with a black woman). Phew, what a relief?
Things quickly went down the rabbit hole of no return when Renee Baio tweeted that they were forwarding the entire exchange with Jezebel to the California Attorney General (?) in the hopes of prosecuting all those involved in this latest round of online Baio bashing (the first occurred after Baio’s appearance on the Glenn Beck Show). So much for Freedom of Speech, ‘eh? Dang, Scott Baio, you really picked a winner. And while on on the subject of picking, Here’s Baio’s final word to the lesbian shitasses at Jezebel and all the other people who envy his “happy and successful life” (*cough*hack*cough*):
And to that I say, Sit on it, Scott Baio. Seriously.
But why should you buy (don’t worry, you can’t actually buy one you geek) a Disco Ball Hat when you can make one yourself? Not feeling the Disco Fever like Danny Terrio? Got some duct tape? Click here for instructions on how to make your very own Duct Tape Hat.
Custom electronic conversations hearts say what you really mean.
And I mean that from the bottom of my cold, black heart. Not because I’m a particularly bitter person but, because Valentines Day is a crappy made up day that makes you spend money on stupid crap or causes you to spend the day feeling like crap, because you don’t have someone to buy stupid crap for.
Mickey Rourke and his 24 year old niece girlfriend buying a puppy at a Manhattan pet store yesterday. For Rusty and LP.
Now before you get all mushy looking at this photo of this nice old man buying a puppy for his niece, save it. Someone needs to get Ingrid E. Newkirk of PETA some Valium and a Snuggie because this is a photo of animal rights activist and puppy mill hater Mickey Rourkebuying a puppy for his 24 year old Russian girlfriend at a Manhattan pet story yesterday. Sacrilege! Man, I know pussy will make you do all kinds of crazy things but, buying a puppy from a pet store after having a long history of canine advocacy is just too fucked up for words. Earlier this year,after posing for a PETA ad that encouraged dog owners to fix their pets, Rourke went out on his porch and shook his fist at people that purchase animals from pet stores:
I think if the public is more aware of fixing their animals, of not going to the puppy store – which I have been guilty of – they wouldn’t be putting so many dogs to death each week.
Although it pains me to type theses words, the power of “this is total bullshit!” compels me…
A Seattle Ninja impales himself on fence during a demonstration about poorly executed Ninja-y stunts that won’t make you any money. Because you’re dead and all…
A Seattle Ninja is in serious condition after getting impaled on a 5 foot metal fence when he attempted to jump over it. The Seattle PD says alcohol may have been better have been involved.
Marq Torien, deadbeat Dad and the current lead singer for the Bullet Boys. Now that’s brutal.
Marq Torien replaced original Bullet Boys vocalist Mick Sweda back in the early 90’s. He was arrested in Florida last Friday for failing to make child support payments. Let this be a lesson to you kids, Metal don’t pay. Seriously, it really doesn’t. Just ask Marq Torien.
Play “Oh No They Didn’t” Doh! Mommy’s little helper, courtesy of Play-Doh.
A Singapore ad agency created this series of print ads for Play-Doh. The ads were supposed to instill consumer confidence when it comes to Play-Doh being a completely safe toy for children. The ads contained images of everyday child-friendly items like matches, meat cleavers and razor blades, all made from Play-Doh. The ads were pulled as soon as someone from Hasbro could get the proper Mandarin translation for“WTF were you thinking Singapore??”.
Seriously. Who does this? A rightfully pissed off Moz left the stage in Liverpool, after getting pelted by a pint of beer less than ten minutes into the show. This shit is so uncalled for. I mean, this is Morrissey! If I ever had the pleasure of being in the same room as Moz and, had the unfortunate audacity to spill something (other than my own bodily fluids) on him, I would lick said liquids off of his shoes (I should be so lucky) and suck the red carpet he walked in on. Just so the the soles of the Shoes that grace the feet of Moz,wouldn’t get wet. True story.
Not only are these Sharpie DIY Halloweenmasks horrible, they are also a poor substitute for ski masks. You know, the kind a sophisticated criminal might wear if they were attempting a B&E(street for breaking and entering). Which is exactly what these two brain surgeons were doing when they were arrested last Friday night in Iowa.
Police say that Eric Brown(see Mugshot of the year above) was drunk when he got into a cab dressed in a vampire costume and makeup. When the cab made it’s way to the Interstate 75 in Cincinnati, Brown grabbed the wheel of the taxi for some unknown reason. The Imitation Meatloaf was charged with disorderly conduct while intoxicated.
Tim Eyman, Captain Dicktard. For everyone who supports the approval of R-71.
Ruling against Washington States Public Record Act, Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy on Monday temporarily blocked Washington State officials from releasing the names of people seeking to overturn R-71, a referendum that would expand the current domestic partnership laws in Washington State. And Tim Eyman couldn’t be happier.
Initially, Eyman was working to keep the names of people who signed 11 different petitions, including several of his own. Yesterday, Eyman’s attorney submitted a request to include two individuals opposed to R-71 who had signed R-71 petitions and don’t want their names released. Eyman and others (especially those behind the Anti-R-71 lines) believe that disclosing the names of the 138,000 people who oppose the approval of R-71 would leave them open to harassment. Or having an uncomfortable conversation with their gay neighbors as to why they hate them so much. True story.
“Squirrels mean nothing to me. I killed a couple last weekend actually. They were eating my garden fence,” Smith told Uncut magazine, although it was unclear whether he had confused the animal with their more prevalent American grey cousins.
The singer, whose group has gone through 50 different members in their career, also said he “wouldn’t have a problem” with people purposefully driving over seagulls in their cars.
Mark E. Smith. Squirrels stole my teefs!
What you have to remember is Mark E. Smith of The Fall (who I swear to god turned 51 not 81 last month. What the hell is in the water in England?) says a lot of crazy things. To say Mark E. Smith is eccentric is like saying Charlton Heston liked guns. To illustrate my point, Smith’s lyrics often reflect his generally gonzo state-of-mind. Like the lyrics from the song, 80’s-90’soff 1986’sBend Sinister:
“I’m the big-shot original rapper. But now it’s time for me to get off the crapper.”
Orhow about one of Cherrybomb’s favorite Fall lyrics of all time, “HEY THERE FUCKFACE” from The Classical. You can find that one and more jazzed up punk shit on the revered 2005 release Hex Induction Hour. Which, by the way you should own. Fuckface.
John Peel thought John Peel was a cunt, but he loved The Fall…
Smith, while often belligerent, is a completely brilliant performer who has put out 25 records and 50 comps since The Fall originated in early 1977. This Cherrybomb Fall fact is confirmed by the late, great John Peel who referred to the The Fall as his favorite band.
Anyways, it’s like Smith says in Totally Wired, “you don’t have to be American to be strange”…
…except as you might imagine, the right handed that walk among us don’t really like to be funny. Much less wear a witty t-shirt. One of the interesting sites that pops up when you Google conservative shop on a Saturday night is called Metrospy. It’s safe to say I’ve never seen anyone wearing one of these shirts but it’s also safe to say that people who wear shirts from Metrospy don’t run in my crowd. Anyways, let’s start in the Pro-Military category, shall we? Yes we fucking shall…:
This is the Alien Invaders shirt. I’m not sure why this shirt was in the Pro-War section, since I’m pretty sure we’re not at war with Mexico. The caption for the shirt is awesomely bad:
CAPTION READS: “Do you have what it takes to defend America’s borders?”
INVADERS
- Gardener
- Soccer Player
- Pregnant woman with a buncha kids (very dangerous)
- Day laborer peeing in public - Guy selling fruit by the road
For some reason all I can think of now is Mr. Rogers singing “these are the people in your neighborhood.” I’m just gonna stay in that happy place for now. Next up? Pro-Life slogan t’s:
Am I wrong here or is this shirt the wrong color? Yellow makes me mellow, man. A pissed off baby with a gun is strictly black t-shirt material. The yellow background just doesn’t make me want to give a baby a gun so they can go kill a hippie. But enough of the t-shirts, I need more ways to express my conservative side. How about a bumper sticker? It’s the ultimate way to express your inner douche…:
Have you ever been to Jesus Land? I hear it’s just like Disneyland except it’s not fun or anything. And Jesus is just some teenager dressed in a Jesus suit at Jesus Land. It’s such a let-down.
Okay, that’s that for tonight. It’s high GTFO time and that top shelf ain’t gonna drink itself, baby. And just so we’re clear, I don’t want you to buy anything from Metrospy. Even the bumper sticker will make you look fat and stupid. But, it’s a free country. If you’re from Jesus Land, be proud. Put that bumper sticker on your Ford F-150 right next to your “my kid beat up your honor student” bumper sticker.
The bare-knuckle-dragging sport of Ultimate Fighting has come to your kid’s kindergarten class. If you live in Missouri that is. So far, Missouri is the only state that says it’s okay for children as young as six to engage in organized, youth fighting.
The 11 boys and one girl on the team range from 6 to 14 years old and are trained by Rudy Lindsey, a youth wrestling coach and a professional mixed martial arts heavyweight.
In most states the activity would get you a misdemeanor charge. In Oklahoma it’ll get 30 days in the clink. Anyways, don’t tell Tommy Bloomer there’s something wrong with youth fighting. Bloomer’s two kids (ages 11 and 8) are a part of “Garage Boys Fight Crew“. Bloomer says the demented version of Kiddie Fight Club provides positive reinforcement to kids. By teaching them how to defend themselves in the gym, instead of on the streets:
Positive reinforcement by Fight Club…
“We’re not training them for dog fighting,” said Bloomer, a 34-year- old construction contractor. When they get out of the cage, they go back and play video games together.If they get in trouble or get bad grades, I’ll hear about it and they can’t come to training.”
Wow. Training kids to fight in cages? What kind of Pavlovian on-line school did Tommy Bloomer drop out of? Let me be the first person to nominate Tommy for “Father of the Year“. And I hope Tommy wins. Because I’m afraid if he doesn’t win, he might send his 11-year-old kid over to beat my kneecaps off. With his bare hands.
Tramp Stamps R’ Us for toddlers at Toys ‘R’ Us…
In other redneck parenting news, you can now pick up a sweet “Tramp Stamp” temporary tattoo at Toys ‘R’ Us for your little tramp-in-training. Because it’s never too early to start turning your kid into a whored out version of yourself.
Thanks to the Red Davey Kid and Breitbart for the ultimate linkage…
Nipple ring removal with pliers. The old fashioned way…
Mandi Hamlin, the woman who was forced to remove her nipple ring with pliers at Lubbock Preston Smith International Airport in Texas, has engaged the legal council of celebrity attorney Gloria Allred. Hamlin, who has both nipples pierced, said that she was forced to remove both piercings behind a curtain at one of the security gates at Lubbock. One of her piercings had to be removed with pliers after the male TSA agents refused to let Hamlin board the plane until she removed all of her jewelry.
Hamlin and Allred are demanding an apology from the TSA:
“I wouldn’t wish this experience upon anyone,” said Hamlin, 37, said at a news conference in Los Angeles. “My experience with TSA was a nightmare I had to endure. No one deserves to be treated this way.”
Pliers? What in the name of Janet Jackson was this chick wearing? Anyways, TSA spokeswhore Dwayne Baird had this to say in response to Hamlin’s nipple debacle at Lubbock:
“If an alarm does sound, “until that is resolved, we’re not going to let them go through the checkpoint, no matter what they’re wearing or where they’re wearing it.
I’d be really curious to know what this woman had in her nipples,” he said. “Sometimes they have a chain between their nipples, or a chain between their nipples and their belly button. It would have to be made of heavy metal to be detected.”
Jane Child circa 1990 nose-ring chain madness. Still making music for some reason…
Man, someone needs to tell Dwayne that nobody does the piercing/chain thing anymore. Except maybe Jane Child (90’s flashback photo above). At any rate, Cherrybomb smells TSA bullshit. Besides, when was the last time your nipple or cock ring set off the metal detectors at the airport? I mean, even Tommy Lee has to fly. So why are we still waiting for the “Tommy Lee Forced to Remove his triple chrome cock & ball ring” at LAX news story?
A strawberry farmer turned Senate candidate has legally changed his name to “Pro-Life”. Pro-Life, formerly known as Marvin Pro-Life Richardson, hopes to replace outgoing Senator Larry Craig (R-Idaho).
“I think it’s just and I think it’s proper to have Pro-Life on the ballot,” says Pro-Life. “If I save one baby’s life, it’s worth it.”
Pro-Life advocates murder charges for doctors who perform abortions. He also says that the women who undergo the procedure itself should also be charged with murder. But since Pro-Life is also a complete moron, his tactics may end up working against him:
David Ripley, executive director of Idaho Chooses Life, says he fears some voters may think Pro-Life is a position rather than a candidate and mistakenly mark their ballots both for him and for another anti-abortion candidate for the Senate, thus nullifying their choices.
Strawberries…a Conservative fruit…who knew?
Man, what is in the strawberries in Idaho? I mean, Pro-Life makes Mike Huckabee look like Dennis Kucinich. Anyways, it’s not surprising since Idaho is about as red as Cherrybomb’s bloodshot eyes this morning. Idaho’s state legislature is almost purely Republican. However, Idaho would still like you to believe that Idaho is a great place to raise a family. Just as long as you’renot gay, you carry a gun, and get to church on time. You should also probably be white and like to have lots of babies regardless of your situation. But what do I know. I never go to Idaho anymore. And I hate strawberries.
The folks at Pontiac have officially lost their minds. Because nothing could convince me that the picture above is in any way, anEl Camino. Pontiac’s redux of the mythical El Camino is the latest in the ongoing bastardization of cars that were once cool. It also one-up’s Fords uncool assault on the Shelby this year.
Due out in 2010, it’s the first time since 1987 that the El Camino has been manufactured. Why does every car manufactured these days have to look 50 cents short of a Toyota Camry? And while I definitely don’t mean to imply that Pontiac has actually manufactured an El Camino, you might be asking Cherrybomb “why is the 2008 El Camino not really an El Camino?”
Because this, is an El Camino:
The Real Deal – 1970 El Camino SS
It’s rumored that a 1972 El Camino owned by Frank Sinatra sold at an East Coast auction for $50K. Mint vintage generations of the El Camino routinely sell in upwards of $25K. Cherrybomb’s friend, Frankie Laughing Gas drove a 1970’s purple El Camino. Until he crashed it into a wall while a young Cherrybomb sat in the back seat.
Those were good times.
Anyways, all I know is two things: Pontiac didn’t make no El Camino. And if Mustang decides to regurgitate a version of the 1971 Mach 1, I’m calling Frankie Laughing Gas and we’re driving into that wall again. Oh wait…they did that in 2003.
Better call Frankie.
*Editors Note: In regards to the author’s comments about the 2008 Mustang Sheby, the author is aware that the 2008 Shelby redesign was based more on the 1968 Shelby model and not the 1967 Shelby provided in this link. But that still makes the 2008 Shelby fat, and ugly. Like your mother. *
Cherrybombed.com is about the music and culture of the Pacific Northwest, as well as other cool happenings around the world. We also shine a spotlight on celebrities behaving badly. Here, you will find videos, low-brow artwork and images, and tattoos only a mother could hate.
If boozing was an olympic event, we would be on a box of Wheaties. If this all sounds familiar to you (and your mother), welcome home.
