The Sex Pistols now have their own perfume.

Have you ever wanted to smell like three week old BO, vomit, a broken bass guitar (covered in piss), heroin, stale blood and brill creme? Well you can’t. And that’s because none of those things are in the new” Sex Pistols” perfume just launched by French beauty house Elat Libre D’Orange last month.  Who knew black pepper was “defiant” or that prunes were “turbulent”. Well, Johnny Lydon probably knows a few things about prunes but, that’s another matter. All aging-punk-rock-idol-laxative-jokes aside, here’s what a “Sex Pistols” actually smells according to the French POV:

Fresh, restless bite of lemon, sharpened and intensified by defiant black pepper. It’s the unruly turbulence of a prune and an in-your-face ambrette. Electrified by aldehydes, you can feel the pure energy pared down and pumped up by leather, shot through with heliotrope and brought back down to earth by a raunchy patchouli.

I can’t argue with the fact that patchouli actually is pretty raunchy smelling so, I’m sure Sex Pistols is going to be a nose-smashing success. So far, it’s only available at Sephora locations with a Euro postal code. Which is far enough away for me.

More via Etat Libre D’Orange.

Thanks!: Classic Rock Magazine.

Blood Bath soap blood-bag dispenser. $8.99. For Stacey.

Thanks: BLORT! (via Think Geek)

Delicare-M. Available only in Japan.

Via: WOW.

Gaultier Men’s Collection Fall/Winter 2010 Paris.

Last week, Jean Paul Gaultier Men’s 2010/2011 show in Paris opened with two female models duking it out in a boxing ring that stood in the middle of the room.  The show also featured guys strutting around (like grumpy, above) made up to look “all beat up” in Gaultier’s prize-fighter inspired Fall/Winter 2010/2011 collection.

More photos here.

I knew it! Smoking is cool!

Thanks!: BLORT!

Dating site bio: FAIL!

If you have to mention that your vegeena is clean in your dating site bio, it probably isn’t. It’s also likely that if you can’t actually spell the word Vagina, you might not have one. Clean or otherwise. True story.

Link via Reddit.

Bacon Wrapped Turkey.

No. Just. No.

Source.

A mug made of bacon. For K.

It’s never okay to waste liquor. Or to combine liquor with bacon. True story.

Bob Evans Gravy Dispenser and Biscuit in a Bowl Machine.

I almost went into cardiac arrest just uploading this photo. True story.

Sweaty Balls? YOU ARE NOT ALONE! $14.99.

But don’t take the word of the sweaty folks behind Fresh Balls, listen to what other sweaty sac sufferers have to say about Fresh Balls:

Fresh Balls is amazing. The first time I used it was right before a long car trip on leather seats, and I was dry the whole way.

I thought it was a joke until I tried it. Now it’s just like brushing my teeth or shaving. Thanks to Fresh Balls, I’m always dry!

Want Fresh Balls? Click here.

Source.

That’s My Face.

The website for Portland, Oregon company, That’s My Face, allows you to modify a photo of yourself (or anyone else’s) and change things like your ethnicity, age, or sex (yes, please). Once you’re happy with the way “your face” looks, you can have it made into way too many creepy things. For $129.99 you can have a 12″ inch action figure made with your face on it (or anyone else’s. Like the chick you’re currently stalking). Of course, if you just want a head with your face on it, for $1,999 you can get a life-size That’s My Face Head.

This 3:30 minutes infomercial is all kinds of wrong. If you make it past the 2:00 mark, the face of the guy from the way too personal, Personal Urn makes an appearance. And I really didn’t want to see him again. True story.

Much more weirdness at That’s My Face.com.

Trick or Drink is not really a question as much as it is a genuine need. Jones Creepy Candy Corn Soda.

Okay, I’d be lying to you right now if I said I didn’t drink any of this little black beverage (which actually looks like Mountain Dew) tonight. I poured a splash of this Candy Corn Soda by Jones in a cold shot of Vodka, and still couldn’t finish it. And I love booze. So much so, I mourn Booze’s passing by any vessel that isn’t my own mouth.

If you want to experience the horror of my mouth right now, which I will assure you is still wildly delicious despite my previous comment, and you don’t have any Jones Candy Corn Soda, just toss a teaspoon of Vanilla extract into a shot of Vodka. The foreboding tombstones printed on the bottom left of the can will then come into play as you’re screaming, “WHY  DO YOU HATE ME VANILLA, WHY???!!!”.

While you casually open a beer and simultaneously thank GOD you’re not driving (and not just because you just opened a beer), please be happy knowing you never done drunk that candy-corn-shit-in-a-can in the first place. Not like me and my sad, angry vanilla-flavored mouth. True TRUE! story.

Venom Halloween Costume: FAIL! Man, Woman, Pat? In any case, FAIL! In other words, NOOOOOOOOO!

Behold, the first documented case of an all black ensemble not being as slimming as promised. True story.

Okay kids, it’s time for another amateur night Halloween and the obligatory “look at these crazy fucking pumpkin’s” post. Anyway, I expect that plenty of you will end your night just like these pumpkins did. Me? I’ll be celebrating quietly with my friends George, Tom and Bub.

More vomiting gourds after the jump. Now, JUMP…!

Read the rest of this entry →

Dog The Bounty Hunter Halloween Costume. $39.99

This is truly the most horrifying costume I’ve seen. Since yesterday at least. Shirt not included. Shudder…

Midnight Meat Hand. Made from real meat!

Want to make your very own meat hand? Visit Not Martha.com for the recipe.

Yoders 100% US Smoke Flavored Bacon. $79.98. For K.

With a shelf life in excess of 10 years, this bacon makes a perfect addition to your food storage program and it is great for every day use. Especially useful during Zombie infestation when food isn’t available.

100% U.S. Bacon! America, Fuck Yeah…?

Via: ReadyDepot.

Zombies of Mass Destruction. A Zomedy about Zombies. For LP.

The special effects in Zombies of Mass Destruction were done by Tom Devlin. Devlin’s credits include movies like, Caged Lesbo A Go-Go, The Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror and a flick that Steven King called “hilarious”, Poultrygeist: The Night of the Chicken Dead.

On October 24th, Zombies of Mass Destruction will play at the Admiral Theater in West Seattle as part of The Seattle Gay and Lesbian Film Festival.

More on ZOMD here.

The Blood Lamp. Thanks to Freddy Pants for the link.

If the photo above twists your gut a bit too much, then you definitely should not click this link to see an actual demonstration of how the Blood Lamp works. Oh crap, here comes lunch…

Yoshihiro Nishimura’s Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl, 2009. For Dr. H.

Honestly, we owe Japanese film maker and splatter-king Yoshihiro Nishimura so much for his cinematic contributions. From the giant, blood-soaked penis cannon of Tokyo Gore Police, to the chain saw tittays of Robogeisha, Nishimura gore filled imagination box continues to flow over with blood. His latest film, the battle royal between Vampire Girl and Frankenstein Girl, is a part of the lineup at ScreamFest LA this weekend.