I am unapologetic when it comes to my love of flavored vodka. But lately it seems that vodka makers, from the high end to the plastic bottle purveyors of my sweet nectar, have gone right off the deep end when it comes to coming up with new flavors. To prove my point, I give you 360′s Glazed Donut flavored vodka. Thanks 360. You’ve now made me hate vodka and donuts.
Amazingly, 360 one-upped themselves in the “WTF were you smoking” department with another of their new creations, Buttered Popcorn flavored vodka. How this idea got from the 4:20 marketing meeting to a production line, is beyond me. And I have a fucking vivid imagination.
Well, I might have reached the end of the Internet when I stumbled on these very creepy his and her’s inflatable sex doll costumes. It’s creepy for many reasons, but mostly because to really pull it off, you have to hang out all night with your mouth in full on blow job position, to get the full effect.
KISS Kondoms featuring Gene Simmons. $9.95 for three.
If you’re feeling more mentally unstable adventurous then me, you can order your very own KISS Kondoms, here. Will a condom with Gene Simmons made-up mug and giant tongue help you get lucky? Don’t kount on it…
Before you rush out and get your own Woochie Giant Lips, Woochie Pro, (the makers of Woochie Giant Lips) have a few precautions (along with a bunch of typos) for you:
Do Not store in locations with extreme temperatures. (Check! Do not wear Wooke Giant Lips while in hot tub).
All Make Up may stain clothing, iritate skin and iritate eyes. (So, don’t stick Woochie Giant Lips in my eyes? Sounds reasonable. Check!).
Do not swallow. (Tempting but, check!).
Keep out of the reach of children. (Unlike Trix, Woochie Giant Lips are not for kids). Woochie Giant Lips will may appeal to boys and girls of all ages. (Wookie Giant Lips will may get you in trouble with the police. Check! Proceed with caution while wearing Wookie Giant Lips in all school zones!).
Priests? We don’t need no stinkin’ priests! Confession: A Roman Catholic App.
Confession: A Roman Catholic App, a new iPhone application that simulates the act of Catholic confession and prayer for a mere $1.99, has already been disqualified by the Vatican as an acceptable excuse for not going to church. A spokesperson for the Vatican said that Catholics can’t actually participate in confession via their iPhones, despite the fact that it has been endorsed (or given an ‘imprimatur’) by a Catholic bishop.
Now, I’m not Catholic(surprise!) but, I’m finding it hard to fight the urge to spring for the $1.99 to see if I can break the app’s virtual”confession booth“. But who the fuck am I kidding? My iPhone would burst into flames the minute ‘Confession’ finished downloading. Besides, I try to avoid doing anything that cuts into my downtime playing Slayer Pinball. Word.
Personally, I’d rather smell like Ace(think guitar strings and dry ice). Anyway, it appears that KISS actually smells like bergamot, fir balsam, black cumin, white pepper, moss, sandalwood and anise. I mean, who knew KISS was so classy? I always thought KISS was supposed to smell like groupies, sweat, Metamucil, spandex, lube and icy-hot.