Steven Tyler clocks Joe Perry in the head with his mic (34 seconds in) at Jones Beach on August 12th. Six days later, Joe Perry hip-checked Tyler head first into the audience in Toronto.

Now that a video of Steven Tyler accidentally clocking Joe Perry in the skull with a mic has found it’s way to the Internets, many media outlets are reporting that Tyler’s mic-assault was payback after Joe Perry “accidentally” bumped Steven Tyler off stage at an Aerosmith show in Tornoto.

However, the microphone incident occurred at Aerosmith’s show in Jones Beach on August 12th, six days before Perry tried to see if a m@therf*$king rainbow could actually fly when, he bumped Tyler with his hip, sending the 62 year old head first, into the audience. Today, a rep for Perry issued a statement saying that he wanted his fans to know that he would, “never deliberately push Steven off the stage”, adding that Joe is a “total gentleman”.

Now, I know getting hit in the head with a mic really hurts (thanks, Surly) but, Perry’s reaction rivaled that of a toddler throwing a tantrum in a toy aisle. Except Perry’s tantrum consisted of tossing his guitar into a stack of amplifiers, then stalking off-stage, leaving the band to finish Sweet Emotion, Perry-less. I mean, who is Joe Perry’s life-coach these days, Axl Rose? All Perry-bashing (ha!) jokes aside, the video is completely hilarious. That and Joe Perry really needs to get a grip (pun indented, it stays).

Slightly better quality video via Red Lasso, here.

Judo Jo Perry CHOP!

By now you’ve all heard the news that, last night at an Aerosmith show in Toronto, after Steven Tyler bumped Joe Perry on stage while doing his famous “I Motherf*cker am the RAINBOW!” jig, Joe Perry hip-checked Tyler, hockey Mom style, causing Tyler to fall off the stage head first, into the crowd. Ironically, this is the second time Tyler took a spill off the stage during the song “Love in an Elevator”. Going down, indeed.

But was it all just a publicity stunt, orchestrated by the band to grab more headlines as they push through their 45 date tour? After watching the video, it looks as though Perry “bumped” Tyler, saw him fall off the stage, but continued down the catwalk, riffing out, appearing to be quite unaware that Tyler had quite literally become one with the audience. To yours truly, Perry’s actions are definitely suspicious. But what do YOU think.

Has Joe Perry finally reached the end of his rock ‘n’ roll rope with Steven Tyler or, was it all just part of the show?

Bill Murray, Gonzo hedonist!

Jesus’s official website, ChristWire, has called for an international boycott of actor Bill Murray. Comparing Murray to historical serial killers like Jeffrey Dahmer and John Wayne Gacey, ChristWire says that Murray is almost solely responsible for all of societies ills. I mean, I didn’t like Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties either, but I got over it. Anyway, here’s more of what ChristWire had to say about Bob Bill:

Bill Murray is a murderer of lambs, a despicable hedonist who waves the white flag welcoming the end of American moral and economic primacy. He is a harbinger of our death as a culture, the death of that preëminent philosophy of faith married to capitalism that has saved the world countless times from repression and annihilation. Bill Murray is a fatal disease and the sad news we bring you today is that your children have been infected.a murderer of lambs, a despicable hedonist who waves the white flag welcoming the end of American moral and economic primacy. He is a harbinger of our death as a culture, the death of that preëminent philosophy of faith married to capitalism that has saved the world countless times from repression and annihilation. Bill Murray is a fatal disease and the sad news we bring you today is that your children have been infected.

And while ChristWire wants you to be on the lookout for homicidal maniac sheep murderer Bill “Caddyshack” Murray, you should also be concerned that domestic masturbation and sodomy will soon be on the rise due to the recent extension of unemployment benefits! But it’s not all bad news according to the word of Jehovah. And that’s because we finally have FRICKIN’ LASER BEAMS!

Laser Drone Gun! American Fuck Yeah!!! Behold America’s newest phallic weapon of destruction!

Or Laser Drone Guns as they are called by the United States Government. Finally, laser beams that can shoot down spaceships, Bill Murray, or airborne liberals as they attack! But don’t take my word for it. Listen to the word of Christ! Brought to you by ChristWire, naturally…:

Behold American’s might and glory! Today God has blessed America with a new technology, further proving our role as his chosen country to protect all humanity with our leadership, power and loving edicts for all on Earth.

Today God blessed us to build a laser cannon! In the image, you can see this powerful cannon that can shoot down any missile, meteor or even startship that should pose a threat to America or any of our allies.

Any object moving at less than 186,000 miles per second, the scientific speed of light, shall crash and burn before the power of our space laser.

The power of America grows because God grants us the power to defend not only ourselves, but whoever we shall deem worthy. Let us look upon video of our new deployed technology that will further the peace of mankind.

You know, I generally try to steer clear of the bible-humpers, especially when they appear to be hitting the bad shit right out of the cup of Christ but, the folks of ChirstWire had me rolling all over my mini-Buddha alter with their jaw-dropping expose on the newly crowned, greatest threat to America, Bill Murray. And I needed a laugh! Thanks be to God indeed…

Scott Baio. 48 and Full of Hate. Coming soon to the Discovery Channel.

According to the Internets, former teen heart-throb Scott Baio recently tweeted some questionable comments via his Twatter after filing his taxes. What happened next will forever live on in Internet infamy as one of the most unexpected celebrity (*cough*) meltdowns of all time. Here’s exhibit A, Baio’s tweet about his taxes:

Wa! Wa! Wa! Anyway, Chachi’s “kill the poor” tweet got the attention of the website Jezebel. Jezebel posted Baio’s tweet on their site, resulting in a bunch of responses from Jezebel’s readers ranging from calling Baio a “bag of mashed assholes” to the suggestion that he might need an “empathy intervention”. Which really pissed Baio off. So naturally, he tweeted about it:

Baio then went on to play every crazy card in his deck, shooting back at Jezebel saying that he was going to “pray “for them while reminding the blog (run and written by women) that “the broom and the dustpan are in the closet”. Scott thought he was  being sneaky by tweeting his barefoot-and-pregnant jive in poorly translated Italian. Chachi: FAIL! Then things got truly bananas when Baio’s wife (whom he acquired on his reality TV series, Scott Baio is 45 and Single) got into the virtual fist-fight with the following tweet:

It’s nice to see Mrs. Baio smiling in her Twitter profile picture while holding her infant daughter. It almost diffuses her use of the words “Lesbian shitasses!!!!!!” and “cuntness”. But not so much her quote that “Scott Baio has more class in his piss” than the rest of us. Anyway, as true to form as any closet hater can be, Mrs. Baio qualified her shitass statements via a follow-up tweet, defending her Freedom of Speech and also to remind everyone that she herself has “lesbian” friends who are nice and loyal. To say nothing of her other friends that come in all shapes (her one fat friend), sizes (her other, fatter friend) and colors (she has been photographed with a black woman).  Phew, what a relief?

Things quickly went down the rabbit hole of no return when Renee Baio tweeted that they were forwarding the entire exchange with Jezebel to the California Attorney General (?) in the hopes of prosecuting all those involved in this latest round of online Baio bashing (the first occurred after Baio’s appearance on the Glenn Beck Show). So much for Freedom of Speech, ‘eh? Dang, Scott Baio, you really picked a winner. And while on on the subject of picking, Here’s Baio’s final word to the lesbian shitasses at Jezebel and all the other people who envy his “happy and successful life” (*cough*hack*cough*):

And to that I say, Sit on it, Scott Baio. Seriously.

Iggy Pop getting ready to pay the audience a visit…

Hey New York,

How is it that you so many of you so called “New Yorkers” forgot that when Iggy Pop jumps into the audience at a live show, YOU CATCH HIM! For chrissake Igg only weighs about 100lbs. Even when he’s covered entirely in glitter! What is wrong with you people? Is it because you’re chasing your light beer with Ambien instead of Tequila these days? Dang New York, and I always thought you were so cool. My bad.

Anyway, here’s what the reigning King of Punk had to say about the incident that took place last month at Carnegie Hall:

When I landed it hurt and I made a mental note that Carnegie Hall would be a good place for my last stage dive.  The audience were just like, ‘What are you doing?’”

Luckily, (and unlike his rock ‘n’ roll counterpart Steven Tyler, both aged 62 & 63 respectively), Iggy suffered only bruises when the Carnegie crowd actually “parted” and allowed Igg to face plant on the floor. Nice.

Don’t drink too much! You might get silly. For ever clever, LP.

Click here to read the rest of the “advice” from this vintage 1938 newspaper and remember, if you need a brassiere, wear one.

Thanks!: BLORT!

Steven Tyler and Joe Perry circa 1993.

Lawyers representing Steven Tyler have put Aerosmith manager Howard Kaufman on “cease and desist” notice saying that if the band replaces Steven Tyler they will sue.

Vocalists rumored to have been approached by Joe Perry as possible replacements for Tyler include Lenny Kravitz, Billy Idol, Paul Rodgers of Bad Company and Chris Cornell. Cornell was later quoted in Classic Rock magazine as saying: ‘[Expletive], can you imagine how ridiculous that would be?’. Not as ridiculous as the latest whispers after a sighting of  Extreme frontman Gary Cherone and Aerosmith drummer, Joey Krammer at a Cheap Trick show in Boston over the weekend.

Alan Grayson has guts!

In response to last weeks Supreme Court ruling that stripped restrictions on campaign contributions from corporations, Florida Representative Alan Grayson filed a Reform Package called “Save Our Democracy”. The package contains six pieces of legislation including H.R. 4431 or, “The Business Should Mind It’s Own Business Act”. H.R. 4431 would assess a 500% excise tax on corporate political donations. Here’s more from Grayson on this the latest and quite unbelievable “is this really Democracy?” debacle:

If we do nothing then I think you can kiss your country goodbye. You won’t have any more senators from Kansas or Oregon, you’ll have senators from Cheekies and Exxon. Maybe we’ll have to wear corporate logos like Nascar drivers. The Supreme Court’s ruling opens the floodgates for the purchases and sale of the law.

You can read about more about the “Save Our Democracy” Reform Package here.

Steven Tyler and Joe Perry face off…!

…which is weird since pretty much anyone that follows Aerosmith (including the fans living in their vans down by the river) knows that Steven Tyler is currently in rehab and is due to undergo surgery on his feet and knees in the very near future. The surgery will potentially keep out of commission for close to a year. Anyway, here’s Perry’s “get better soon” shout out to his band mate and friend of nearly 40 years:

I don’t know what’s going on with him, but as far as AEROSMITH goes, we’re going to find somebody to sing.

Not that I expected Perry to be sending Steven Tyler a Build-a-Bear in a doctor outfit and a box of chocolates laced with Percocet, but even my black heart yelled “BOO!” at Perry’s latest “Steven Tyler who?” comments. Later during Perry’s interview with Canadian publication, The Globe and Mail, he was asked who he thought might be able to wiggle into Tyler’s size zero spandex. Perry responded saying he would only consider a performer that is “legitimate (sorry Josh Todd) headliner”.

You can read Perry’s full interview with The Globe and Mail, here.

For once, I agree with Nickelback’s vocalist, Chad Kroeger.

Not only is this revelation from Billboard hard to agree with on it’s own, it’s even more baffling when you consider some of the bands (that don’t get nearly the credit they deserve), formed over the last decade, including a bunch of amazing local Seattle bands. Let’s review some of the REAL best bands of the last decade:

2000: Hell’s Belles (Seattle), Scissor Sisters, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Wolfmother, Witchcraft (!).
2001: The Exploding Hearts (Seattle), The Mars Volta, The Soviettes, Franz Ferdinand, Pretty Girls Make Graves (Seattle).
2002: MGMT, The Thermals (Seattle), LCD Soundsystem.
2003: 50 Foot Wave, The Cops (Seattle), The Gutter Twins (Seattle), The Subways, The Noisettes, The Sword, Silversun Pickups.
2004: Cold War Kids, Fuck Buttons, Goatsnake (for Seth), Band of Horses, Russian Circles
2005: Davila 666 (!), Bloodhorse, The Valley (Seattle), Future of the Left, The Maldives (Seattle), Fleet Foxes (Seattle), The Hands (Seattle), Phosphorescent, The Whore Moans (Seattle).
2006: Black Kids, Dethklok (!), Dead Confederate, Vampire Weekend
2007: Black Joe Lewis and the Honeybears, Does it Offend You, Yeah?, Vivian Girls, The Cave Singers (Seattle), The Heavy.
2008: Santogold.
2009: Them Crooked Vultures.

Anyway, I’m sure I’m missing a few bands on this list but, whatever this list lacks is a moot point. The point here is that Nickelback is the epitome of nearly all that is wrong with the music industry. As far as my list goes, you should be glad I’m only including bands that started between the years 2000 and 2009, If I went back to 1996 (around when Nickelback started terrorizing our ears) you could say that Billboard feels that Nickelback’s contributions have been more influential than bands like The Dropkick Murphys, Death Cab for Cutie and The White Stripes. Billboard: FAIL…

…take that, Nickelback.

The rare Chinese Keteleeria evelyniana. Photo By Jon Lok of the Seattle Times.

I know this economy sucks and the Holidays can really get you down but it’s just unforgivable to make a man who loves trees, cry. Washington State Arboretum employee Randall Hitchin, had been cultivating the rare and endangered Chinese Keteleeria evelyniana tree since 1998.

So my special Christmas wish this year is for who ever stole this beautiful act of nature from the Washington Park Arboretum. I hope you fucking choke.

True story.

Source: Seattle Times.

Fuck Joe! I got your back Steve…

In yet another wrinkle in the ongoing saga of the future of Aerosmith, Geffen record executive John Kalodner was quoted saying that the only person that could possibly replace Steven Tyler is Lenny Kravitz. After he regained consciousness following his massive brain fart, Kalodoner qualified his statement saying that there there is no such thing as Aerosmith “without Steven Tyler“. Aerosmith put out three of their most commercially successful records with Geffen, starting with their 1985 “comeback” record, Done With Mirrors.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the woods of New Hampshire, Joe Perry just got an idea. An awful idea. Joe Perry got a wonderful, awful, idea…

Source.

The way they were. For LP.

Despite claims made by Steven “The Motherfucking Rainbow” Tyler during a Joe Perry Project show in New York, Joe Perry said last night at the AMA’s that he is moving forward with plans to keep Aerosmith going. With or without Steven Tyler. Yawn, I mean, said The Perry:

The band’s going to be working with or without Tyler. I’m working on it right now.

Mind you, this is coming from Perry as he walked the red carpet last night at the American Music Awards looking like this. Perry’s latest comments follow  statements of concern for Tyler’s current state of sobriety made by Aerosmith drummer Joey Kramer last week.

Despite his past struggles with substances, after looking at these photos of Tyler at a Parkinson’s Disease Benefit this past weekend in New York, I’m not quite ready to stage an intervention for The Motherfucking Rainbow. Yet, anyway. I would however like to stage an intervention for Joe Perry’s mouth. His lips have been on a bullshit bender since August.

In other words, Patrick Kennedy is doing it RIGHT!

Representative Patrick Kennedy, son of the late Senator Ted Kennedy has claimed that Roman Catholic Bishop Thomas Tobin of Rhode Island instructed diocesan priests not to give him Communion. The Bishop admitted to writing Kennedy a letter two years ago, requesting that he stop receiving Communion due to his views on abortion.

Source.

Joey Kramer and Steven Tyler make nice for the cameras…

At a signing for his new book, Hit Hard: The Story of Hitting Rock Bottom at the Top, Aerosmith drummer Joey Kramer seemed to be siding with Team Perry regarding the ongoing 70’s Rock hissy-fit of 2009, otherwise known as Aerosmith. Said Joey (which if you take away the “y” suspiciously spells Joe) about the type of musician that might be able to replace Steven Tyler:

What kind of singer? A real, real good one. Someone that would have to be able to perform the songs as well as sing them. Steven is both of those and probably the best out there.

Kramer also told Billboard that he’s worried about Tyler’s heath as well as his sobriety:

Steven, he isolates more and more all the time – that’s what gives it away to me that there’s something going on. He’s got some negative influences around him now. I love the guy. I just want to see him get some help.

When it comes to the struggles with the bad shit, Joey Kramer pretty much knows what he’s talking about. Which is good news for Joey Kramer, but probably maybe really bad news for Steven Tyler.

Hypocrisy…

Ed Orzechowski, big Catholic bully and president and CEO of Catholic Charities of the Archdiocese of Washington has said that if Senate Bill 565 or the Religious Freedom and Civil Marriage Act of 2009 passes, that the Archdiocese will be forced to stop providing services to the city’s most needy residents.

The Archdiocese currently provides shelter every night for nearly one in three of the city’s homeless men, women and children in Maryland. Every year, Catholic Charities provides shelter, food, counseling, medical and legal assistance, and more to 68,000 people in the District of Columbia. Orzechowski also said that the Archdiocese would also be subject to criminal prosecution for refusing to provide it’s social services to same-sex couples.

If passed, SB 565 will redefine marriage in Maryland as “the legally recognized union of two people.”

More here.

Steven Tyler arrives at the Glamour Woman of the Year Awards in New  York.

Last night, Joe Perry once again took to his Twatter to assure members of Aero Force One that Aerosmith was not breaking up. Sez The Perry:

Aerosmith is definitely NOT breaking up … one of the members is doing his own thing and said so in the press.

Unfortunately what this means (according to Perry) is that the band plans to continue playing as Aerosmith without Tyler at the helm.

Aerosmith is positively looking for a new singer to work with. You just can’t take 40 years of experience and throw it in the bin,” he wrote. “[The] band is playing hotter than ever and our songs need to be played live. Don’t despair: Aerosmith is not splitting up. Promise that’s the last you’ll hear from me on the subject ’till we gear up again.

Don’t despair? What kind of sacrilegious shit is this? Honestly, the only thing I’m really despairing is a band called Aerosmith with anyone but Steven Tyler on vocals. True story.

It’s over. Maybe…

Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, something happens that makes me want to crawl back into my bed for a forever nap. Usually it’s a just a bad hangover but today, it’s that pesky Internet whispering shit into my ear that I don’t want to believe. Today, and until further notice, the flag outside Cherrybombed.com will be flying at half-mast until I hear the straight dope from Steven Tyler himself, and not Joe Perry’s “Twatter“ account. Because if I believe the latest out of Perry’s trout-mouth, Aerosmith is over. Commence 70’s Rock freak-out in 3, 2, 1…:

Steven quit as far as I can tell. I don’t know any more than you do about it. I got off the plane two nights ago. I saw online that Steven said that he was going to leave the band. I don’t know for how long, indefinitely or whatever. Other than that, I don’t know.

I’d be lying to you if I said that I actually listen to any of Aerosmith’s music that post-dates 1995. What’s to be mourned here is the possible end of a nearly 40 year run by one of the greatest bands in the history of Rock ‘n’ Roll. Under less than amicable circumstances. As if this most recent rumor about Aerosmith wasn’t bad enough, Perry’s already talking about replacing Tyler and his mike stand isn’t even cold yet. Brutal…:

We’ll probably find somebody else that will sing in those spots where we need a singer and then we’ll be able to move the Aerosmith up a notch, move the vibe up a notch.

Yeah, Joe. I hear YouTube is a great place to find vocalists. You should look into that. All speculation aside, if Steven Tyler has actually “quit” Aerosmith then, Aerosmith is truly dead. There is no Zep without Plant, no VH without Diamond Dave (yes, really) and there ain’t no song and dance for Aerosmith without Steven Tallarico.

True (although I hope it’s not really) story.

Thanks: Dlisted.

The Winkie, the cleavage cover-upper. For K.

I know two things about The Winkie:

1: The Winkie is not a thong.
2: The Winkie was  not created by a man.
3: Cherrybomb can’t count.

The fascist boobie-haters behind The Winkie, say they came up with the idea to “cover cleavage and provide a solution to plunging necklines.” Both of which I’m sure haven’t been formerly identified as “problems”, per-say. World Hunger? That’s a problem. Unemployment rates at an all time high? That’s a problem. Being out of Vodka? Definitely a fucking EMERGENCY! problem.

Anyway, who could possibly be anti-cleavage? That’s right, nobody. Unless you’re an ass-man. In that case, carry the fuck on.

What in the name of Led Zeppelin? Floor tickets for Bon Jovi’s O2 residency selling for $300!

Now before you go blaming some greedy Peter Grant type promoter for this shocking ticket expenditure, don’t. And that’s because the members of Bon Jovi actually approve the ticket prices before they go on sale. Floor seats for Bon Jovi’s 2010 June Residency in London at O2, will tap your spandex ass for nearly $300 while other not so hair metal seats will run you between $60-$110 bucks. Which is also too much for Bon Jovi.