Aerosmith circa 1974. Yes, please.

In keeping with the consensus that there is not such thing as Aerosmith without Steven Tyler, the band is scheduled to appear at the massive Download Festival in the UK in June under one condition, that Steven Tyler and only Steven Tyler appear with the band. Tyler, who despite making appearances at and Karaoke bars and Home Depot, is still in rehab, released this statement confirming that he will perform with Aerosmith at Download:

In the early days of Aerosmith, we were infected with the vibe coming out of the U.K. with the Yardbirds, Blues Breakers, Pretty Things and the Rolling Stones, and we wanted what they had bad. So baby, we’re coming home. Rock and roll can be pure sex and we can’t wait to Download …

The Download Festival kicks off on June 11th at Donington Park. Take that Joe Perry.

Eddie is doing his part to help, won’t you?

The March issue of Men’s Health Magazine contains a list of the most drunk cities in the US. Seattle was given a C+ for our current level of intoxication. For SHAME! Although we did one-up Spokane (C) and flat out beat Portland (D+), there is clearly room for improvement my fellow Emerald City boozehounds.

The biggest shocker on the list was that Boston received the dubious honor of being the “least drunk city”. SACRILEG! Although Boston’s sober status kind of makes sense since I don’t live there anymore.

The study based their findings on uplifting data such as death rates from alcoholic liver disease, booze-induced accidents involving motor vehicles, hospitalizations due to binge-drinking, and DUI arrests.

To see where your city ended up on the list, click here.

Why, why, why, Delilah…? For LP. Photo by RDK.

In a lengthy interview with Britt Rock Magazine Classic Rock, Joe Perry continued to mystify the world of rock ‘n’ roll with his bizarre list of singers who he says could possibly replace Steven Tyler at the helm of Aerosmith. The latest victim is 69 year old Tom Jones. Said (yawn) The Perry:

He’s got a great set of pipes, so why not? I’ve played with him before, and know he could bring something extra to the band. We haven’t approached him yet, but if he were interested that would be great. Imagine the interest Tom would generate.

Last weeks Aerosmith rumor mill also included the horrifying notion that Sammy Hagar might step in while Tyler is on hiatus. As if we all didn’t suffer enough with over a decade of Van Hagar. Oi!

The latest issue of Classic Rock, The Last Days of an American Rock Legend featuring Joe Perry on the cover, is out now.

Steven Tyler and Joe Perry circa 1993.

Lawyers representing Steven Tyler have put Aerosmith manager Howard Kaufman on “cease and desist” notice saying that if the band replaces Steven Tyler they will sue.

Vocalists rumored to have been approached by Joe Perry as possible replacements for Tyler include Lenny Kravitz, Billy Idol, Paul Rodgers of Bad Company and Chris Cornell. Cornell was later quoted in Classic Rock magazine as saying: ‘[Expletive], can you imagine how ridiculous that would be?’. Not as ridiculous as the latest whispers after a sighting of  Extreme frontman Gary Cherone and Aerosmith drummer, Joey Krammer at a Cheap Trick show in Boston over the weekend.

Steven Tyler and Joe Perry face off…!

…which is weird since pretty much anyone that follows Aerosmith (including the fans living in their vans down by the river) knows that Steven Tyler is currently in rehab and is due to undergo surgery on his feet and knees in the very near future. The surgery will potentially keep out of commission for close to a year. Anyway, here’s Perry’s “get better soon” shout out to his band mate and friend of nearly 40 years:

I don’t know what’s going on with him, but as far as AEROSMITH goes, we’re going to find somebody to sing.

Not that I expected Perry to be sending Steven Tyler a Build-a-Bear in a doctor outfit and a box of chocolates laced with Percocet, but even my black heart yelled “BOO!” at Perry’s latest “Steven Tyler who?” comments. Later during Perry’s interview with Canadian publication, The Globe and Mail, he was asked who he thought might be able to wiggle into Tyler’s size zero spandex. Perry responded saying he would only consider a performer that is “legitimate (sorry Josh Todd) headliner”.

You can read Perry’s full interview with The Globe and Mail, here.

Vintage Steven Tyler.

Reps for both Steven Tyler and Child and Family Services of New Hampshire have confirmed that Dream On, An Intimate Evening with Steven Tyler, has been canceled. Child and Family Services says they hope to reschedule the event once Tyler has fully recovered. Which sadly might be longer than expected.

Tyler’s doctor Brian McKeon says that in addition the current treatment for his painkiller addiction, Tyler will also need additional surgery for his knees and feet in the near future. McKeon said that despite tapping into other types of treatment and alternative therapy to help heal the forever frontman of Aerosmith, Tyler’s pain has become worse…:

The balance between managing his pain and avoiding addiction is tenuous and difficult and his bravery in persevering through rigorous touring is admirable.

Healing thoughts ST, healing thoughts.

Russ Meyer loves movies about girls…

I’ve been meaning to remind you all that Episode #44 of The Movies About Girls Podcast is up and ready for your ears. Among other topics, you will learn why you why you shouldn’t try to pay your drug dealer with deodorant, the horror (and the goodness) of pink panties and, the virtues of Danny Trejo and babysitters gone bad.

Want more? Joining the best podcast ever  for Episode #44 is XXX expert, Gore Gore Girl with her run down on the top five porn releases of the week. If you just said “what?”, you might want to check your pulse. Also, Joey Sinn and Mike Demonik of Boston Metal band Born of Thunder are back with insight on leather pants, Metal and fast cars. What more could you possibly want from a from a podcast? That’s right, boobs. I mean, NOTHING! Okay, and boobs. Thankfully, The Movies About Girls Podcast is an expert on that very topic.

You can listen to Episode #44 here or click the podcast link on the right of this page. You can also now follow The Movies About Girls Podcast on Twitter! If you like what you hear, go out and vote for us at Podcast Alley and help us defeat the evil corporate sponsored podcasts that litter PA’s top 50 list.

A lot of work goes into making this podcast happen and, I want to thank to Ken, Seth, and Stacey for making it all happen.

J. Geils Band, Piss on the Wall. From 1981’s Freeze Frame. For Mike, Sarah and LP.

I was at a very boss Holiday party on Saturday, boozing happily while plotting illegal rides in stolen shopping carts when the couch conversation shifted it’s way  early days of the Boston rock scene. Highlights included, but were not limited to Aerosmith, Willie Loco Alexander and the loud conclusion (thanks Mike) that J. Geils 1971 version of The Contours hit “First I Look At The Purse“ is one of the hottest covers ever.

Anyway, since that magical night, I’ve had this song from Geils’ huge 1981 record, Freeze Frame, stuck in my head. Now hopefully you do too.

Fuck Joe! I got your back Steve…

In yet another wrinkle in the ongoing saga of the future of Aerosmith, Geffen record executive John Kalodner was quoted saying that the only person that could possibly replace Steven Tyler is Lenny Kravitz. After he regained consciousness following his massive brain fart, Kalodoner qualified his statement saying that there there is no such thing as Aerosmith “without Steven Tyler“. Aerosmith put out three of their most commercially successful records with Geffen, starting with their 1985 “comeback” record, Done With Mirrors.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the woods of New Hampshire, Joe Perry just got an idea. An awful idea. Joe Perry got a wonderful, awful, idea…

Source.

Posy print nightmares nightgowns.

Just a quick note on this weeks Sear’s ‘74 entry as this photo is giving me a case of the bed-spins. And sadly (and quite unbelievably) I’m not drunk. If the chick modeling item #1, the footed two-piece erection killing sleepwear, looks as though like you might have masturbated to her before, you would be correct. As well as somewhat pathetic and very lonely.

Posy sleepwear model #1 from page 177 of the Fall/Winter 1974 Sears Catalog, is actress Shelly Hack. Hack is probably best known for her brief role on Charlie’s Angels. Hack’s fictional Bostonian, Tiffany Wells became Charlie’s #5 Angel, replacing Kate Jackson for one season in 1980.

More polyester blend madness from Sears next Wednesday that will absolutely! may or may not involve Ted Williams, guns and/or He-Man chairs. Stay tuned…

Joe Perry’s Toshiba Qosmio® X505.

All proceeds from the sale of Perry’s laptop will go to the Project AWARE Foundation.

More info can be found at Toshiba’s special laptop website or, you can bid on one via eBay by clicking here.

The award for Single Mom of the Year goes to…

So many things wrong with this ad, don’t know where to start…feeling dizzy…vision blurry. Can’t see numbers to dial DSS.

Thanks to RDK for the link.

Source.

The way they were. For LP.

Despite claims made by Steven “The Motherfucking Rainbow” Tyler during a Joe Perry Project show in New York, Joe Perry said last night at the AMA’s that he is moving forward with plans to keep Aerosmith going. With or without Steven Tyler. Yawn, I mean, said The Perry:

The band’s going to be working with or without Tyler. I’m working on it right now.

Mind you, this is coming from Perry as he walked the red carpet last night at the American Music Awards looking like this. Perry’s latest comments follow  statements of concern for Tyler’s current state of sobriety made by Aerosmith drummer Joey Kramer last week.

Despite his past struggles with substances, after looking at these photos of Tyler at a Parkinson’s Disease Benefit this past weekend in New York, I’m not quite ready to stage an intervention for The Motherfucking Rainbow. Yet, anyway. I would however like to stage an intervention for Joe Perry’s mouth. His lips have been on a bullshit bender since August.

Joey Kramer and Steven Tyler make nice for the cameras…

At a signing for his new book, Hit Hard: The Story of Hitting Rock Bottom at the Top, Aerosmith drummer Joey Kramer seemed to be siding with Team Perry regarding the ongoing 70’s Rock hissy-fit of 2009, otherwise known as Aerosmith. Said Joey (which if you take away the “y” suspiciously spells Joe) about the type of musician that might be able to replace Steven Tyler:

What kind of singer? A real, real good one. Someone that would have to be able to perform the songs as well as sing them. Steven is both of those and probably the best out there.

Kramer also told Billboard that he’s worried about Tyler’s heath as well as his sobriety:

Steven, he isolates more and more all the time – that’s what gives it away to me that there’s something going on. He’s got some negative influences around him now. I love the guy. I just want to see him get some help.

When it comes to the struggles with the bad shit, Joey Kramer pretty much knows what he’s talking about. Which is good news for Joey Kramer, but probably maybe really bad news for Steven Tyler.

Ken Ober has passed away at the age of 52. Sadness…

If you had a pulse and you regularly paid your cable bill back in the late 80’s and early 90’s, you will remember Ken Ober as the host of MTV’s game show, Remote Control. On Saturday, Ober told a friend he was experiencing flu-like symptoms and was planned to see his doctor as soon as possible. He was found dead in his California home on Sunday.

Ober was only 52 and was a native of Boston.

Source: Dlisted.

I am the motherfucking RAINBOW! Steven Tyler joins The Joe Perry Project last night in New York and confirmed to the crowd that he is not leaving Aerosmith.

Last night, Steven Tyler crashed The Joe Perry Project show at The Filmore in New York and in about 20 seconds, dispelled the rumors of his departure from Aerosmith. Said Tyler (who will be know from this day forward as “The Motherfucking Rainbow”):

I just want New York to know, I am not leaving Aerosmith. Joe Perry, you are a man of many colors. But I, motherfucker, am the rainbow!

Translation: Steven Tyler is not leaving Aerosmith. Motherfucking Rainbow!

Thanks to Dlisted and the motherfucking rainbow that is Michael K. for the link.

Steven Tyler arrives at the Glamour Woman of the Year Awards in New  York.

Last night, Joe Perry once again took to his Twatter to assure members of Aero Force One that Aerosmith was not breaking up. Sez The Perry:

Aerosmith is definitely NOT breaking up … one of the members is doing his own thing and said so in the press.

Unfortunately what this means (according to Perry) is that the band plans to continue playing as Aerosmith without Tyler at the helm.

Aerosmith is positively looking for a new singer to work with. You just can’t take 40 years of experience and throw it in the bin,” he wrote. “[The] band is playing hotter than ever and our songs need to be played live. Don’t despair: Aerosmith is not splitting up. Promise that’s the last you’ll hear from me on the subject ’till we gear up again.

Don’t despair? What kind of sacrilegious shit is this? Honestly, the only thing I’m really despairing is a band called Aerosmith with anyone but Steven Tyler on vocals. True story.

Bunghole Liquors, on Lowell St. in Peabody Massachusetts.

For Freddy Pants. Who also misses his Bunghole.

It’s over. Maybe…

Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, something happens that makes me want to crawl back into my bed for a forever nap. Usually it’s a just a bad hangover but today, it’s that pesky Internet whispering shit into my ear that I don’t want to believe. Today, and until further notice, the flag outside Cherrybombed.com will be flying at half-mast until I hear the straight dope from Steven Tyler himself, and not Joe Perry’s “Twatter“ account. Because if I believe the latest out of Perry’s trout-mouth, Aerosmith is over. Commence 70’s Rock freak-out in 3, 2, 1…:

Steven quit as far as I can tell. I don’t know any more than you do about it. I got off the plane two nights ago. I saw online that Steven said that he was going to leave the band. I don’t know for how long, indefinitely or whatever. Other than that, I don’t know.

I’d be lying to you if I said that I actually listen to any of Aerosmith’s music that post-dates 1995. What’s to be mourned here is the possible end of a nearly 40 year run by one of the greatest bands in the history of Rock ‘n’ Roll. Under less than amicable circumstances. As if this most recent rumor about Aerosmith wasn’t bad enough, Perry’s already talking about replacing Tyler and his mike stand isn’t even cold yet. Brutal…:

We’ll probably find somebody else that will sing in those spots where we need a singer and then we’ll be able to move the Aerosmith up a notch, move the vibe up a notch.

Yeah, Joe. I hear YouTube is a great place to find vocalists. You should look into that. All speculation aside, if Steven Tyler has actually “quit” Aerosmith then, Aerosmith is truly dead. There is no Zep without Plant, no VH without Diamond Dave (yes, really) and there ain’t no song and dance for Aerosmith without Steven Tallarico.

True (although I hope it’s not really) story.

Thanks: Dlisted.

The good old days. Buzzy’s Fabulous Roast Beef. For Freddy Pants.

Alan Kaufman, or Buzzy to pretty much everyone in Boston, passed away late last month at the age of 72 in Florida. When I was growing up in Boston, there were pretty much three places we ate. Buzzy’s Roast Beef, Kelly’s or Mike’s Pizza in Davis Square. Buzzy’s was an iconic Boston landmark and late night, 1,500 calorie, drunk snack stop. Buzzy’s was demolished in 2002 to make way for Mass General Hospital expansion.

Rest in peace Buzzy. Even though I haven’t had the pleasure of you’re food clogging my arteries for the last 20 years, I’ll still miss you.

Thanks!: Big Mattress.