According to the Internets, former teen heart-throb Scott Baio recently tweeted some questionable comments via his Twatter after filing his taxes. What happened next will forever live on in Internet infamy as one of the most unexpected celebrity (*cough*) meltdowns of all time. Here’s exhibit A, Baio’s tweet about his taxes:

Wa! Wa! Wa! Anyway, Chachi’s “kill the poor” tweet got the attention of the website Jezebel. Jezebel posted Baio’s tweet on their site, resulting in a bunch of responses from Jezebel’s readers ranging from calling Baio a “bag of mashed assholes” to the suggestion that he might need an “empathy intervention”. Which really pissed Baio off. So naturally, he tweeted about it:

Baio then went on to play every crazy card in his deck, shooting back at Jezebel saying that he was going to “pray “for them while reminding the blog (run and written by women) that “the broom and the dustpan are in the closet”. Scott thought he was  being sneaky by tweeting his barefoot-and-pregnant jive in poorly translated Italian. Chachi: FAIL! Then things got truly bananas when Baio’s wife (whom he acquired on his reality TV series, Scott Baio is 45 and Single) got into the virtual fist-fight with the following tweet:

It’s nice to see Mrs. Baio smiling in her Twitter profile picture while holding her infant daughter. It almost diffuses her use of the words “Lesbian shitasses!!!!!!” and “cuntness”. But not so much her quote that “Scott Baio has more class in his piss” than the rest of us. Anyway, as true to form as any closet hater can be, Mrs. Baio qualified her shitass statements via a follow-up tweet, defending her Freedom of Speech and also to remind everyone that she herself has “lesbian” friends who are nice and loyal. To say nothing of her other friends that come in all shapes (her one fat friend), sizes (her other, fatter friend) and colors (she has been photographed with a black woman).  Phew, what a relief?

Things quickly went down the rabbit hole of no return when Renee Baio tweeted that they were forwarding the entire exchange with Jezebel to the California Attorney General (?) in the hopes of prosecuting all those involved in this latest round of online Baio bashing (the first occurred after Baio’s appearance on the Glenn Beck Show). So much for Freedom of Speech, ‘eh? Dang, Scott Baio, you really picked a winner. And while on on the subject of picking, Here’s Baio’s final word to the lesbian shitasses at Jezebel and all the other people who envy his “happy and successful life” (*cough*hack*cough*):

And to that I say, Sit on it, Scott Baio. Seriously.

But why should you buy (don’t worry, you can’t actually buy one you geek) a Disco Ball Hat when you can make one yourself? Not feeling the Disco Fever like Danny Terrio? Got some duct tape? Click here for instructions on how to make your very own Duct Tape Hat.

Thanks!: WOW. (via Philthy’s Diversions)

And I mean that from the bottom of my cold, black heart. Not because I’m a particularly bitter person but, because Valentines Day is a crappy made up day that makes you spend money on stupid crap or causes you to spend the day feeling like crap, because you don’t have someone to buy stupid crap for.

Make your own electronic conversation hearts at I Heart Despair.com.

For some reason, you must be at least 18 (or completely retarded) to order a Necky.

Thanks!: Jezebel.

Now before you get all mushy looking at this photo of this nice old man buying a puppy for his niece, save it. Someone needs to get Ingrid E. Newkirk of PETA some Valium and a Snuggie because this is a photo of animal rights activist and puppy mill hater Mickey Rourke buying a puppy for his 24 year old Russian girlfriend at a Manhattan pet story yesterday. Sacrilege! Man, I know pussy will make you do all kinds of crazy things but, buying a puppy from a pet store after having a long history of canine advocacy is just too fucked up for words. Earlier this year,after posing for a PETA ad that encouraged dog owners to fix their pets, Rourke went out on his porch and shook his fist at people that purchase animals from pet stores:

I think if the public is more aware of fixing their animals, of not going to the puppy store – which I have been guilty of – they wouldn’t be putting so many dogs to death each week.

Although it pains me to type theses words, the power of “this is total bullshit!” compels me…

Rourke: FAIL!

A Seattle Ninja is in serious condition after getting impaled on a 5 foot metal fence when he attempted to jump over it. The Seattle PD says alcohol may have been better have been involved.

Source.

Marq Torien replaced original Bullet Boys vocalist Mick Sweda back in the early 90’s. He was arrested in Florida last Friday for failing to make child support payments. Let this be a lesson to you kids, Metal don’t pay. Seriously, it really doesn’t. Just ask Marq Torien.

A Singapore ad agency created this series of print ads for Play-Doh. The ads were supposed to instill consumer confidence when it comes to Play-Doh being a completely safe toy for children. The ads contained images of everyday child-friendly items like matches, meat cleavers and razor blades, all made from Play-Doh. The ads were pulled as soon as someone from Hasbro could get the proper Mandarin translation for“WTF were you thinking Singapore??”.

Thanks: Juxtapoz.

Seriously. Who does this? A rightfully pissed off Moz left the stage in Liverpool,  after getting pelted by a pint of beer less than ten minutes into the show. This shit is so uncalled for. I mean, this is Morrissey! If I ever had the pleasure of being in the same room as Moz and, had the unfortunate audacity to spill something (other than my own bodily fluids) on him, I would lick said liquids off of his shoes (I should be so lucky) and suck the red carpet he walked in on. Just so the the soles of the Shoes that grace the feet of Moz, wouldn’t get wet. True story.

Full story via the Guardian UK.

Bad kitty. No.

Thanks!: Hello Kitty Hell.

Not only are these Sharpie DIY Halloween masks horrible, they are also a poor substitute for ski masks. You know, the kind a sophisticated criminal might wear if they were attempting a B&E (street for breaking and entering). Which is exactly what these two brain surgeons were doing when they were arrested last Friday night in Iowa.

Police say that Eric Brown (see Mugshot of the year above) was drunk when he got into a cab dressed in a vampire costume and makeup. When the cab made it’s way to the Interstate 75 in Cincinnati, Brown grabbed the wheel of the taxi for some unknown reason. The Imitation Meatloaf was charged with disorderly conduct while intoxicated.

Via: WLWT.

Ruling against Washington States Public Record Act, Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy on Monday temporarily blocked Washington State officials from releasing the names of people seeking to overturn R-71, a referendum that would expand the current domestic partnership laws in Washington State. And Tim Eyman couldn’t be happier.

Initially, Eyman was working to keep the names of people who signed 11 different petitions, including several of his own.  Yesterday, Eyman’s attorney submitted a request to include two individuals opposed to R-71 who had signed R-71 petitions and don’t want their names released. Eyman and others (especially those behind the Anti-R-71 lines) believe that disclosing the names of the 138,000 people who oppose the approval of R-71 would leave them open to harassment. Or having an uncomfortable conversation with their gay neighbors as to why they hate them so much. True story.

Approve R-71!

To be fair to the Republican loving chain Target, the equally right-swinging Walgreens was also distributing this “Illegal Alien” costume. Late last last week, under mounting pressure from Coalition for Humane Immigrant Rights of Los Angeles, both chains pulled the costume from their shelves.

As of this writing the costume, made by a company called BuySeasons, Inc., is still listed for sale on BuySeason’s retail site, BuyCostumes.

Thanks to Surly for the link.

Tickets for Creed’s Friday night show in Birmingham are going for 75 cents. Which still seems a bit steep for Creed.

I’ve said some stupid-ass shit while chock full ‘O’ booze but, there are a few words that just don’t cross my lips no matter how liquored up my mouth gets. Despite being pretty sure that the use of the word faggot is required terminology in the NFL, I’m positive that Mickey Rourke knows fuck all about either topic.

With that said, I’m going to give Mickey’s drunk pie-hole a pass on this one as I’m pretty sure he won’t remember what an ass his face was last night when he wakes up. Which should be any minute since it’s about 6:00 pm in New York right now.

Thanks!: Dlisted.

Last Thursday, Joe Perry finally got to meet the man he voted for in 2008, Senator John McCain. Perry was performing for the Rock Stars of Science, a conference for an org that works to increase awareness about scientific research and the health sciences. Here’s what The Perry had to say when asked if he might be considering a run for political office

Sure, if I ever find myself in that position, I could see changing things up a little. I’ve been playing rock and roll for a long time now, and if California can have actors for politicians, then maybe the rest of the country can have musicians.

The sad-old-news here is that Joe Perry is a life-long Republican. After meeting McCain, Perry had some inspiring words to say about the Senator. Sez The Perry about Johnny “That One” McCain:

I felt better about politics in general after meeting [McCain. He's a war hero, and they're the most genuine heroes. Anyone who does what [soldiers in combat] do, they’re amazing heroes. Forget about guitar heroes. It’s an overused word.

That coming from a man who used the word “hero” no less than four times just now. Never mind the guitar hero plug.  Anyway, I suppose I’m not really surprised that Joe Perry is considering stepping into the political arena. Aerosmith’s blackout past is old news and Perry’s right winged political affinity would be more than advantageous to the GOP. All I know is this, I see one photo of Joe with the $63,000 dollar woman, Sarah Palin, I’m jumping off a cliff.

Dear David Fin,

Halter-tops are not for men. Ever.

WHY? Love,

Cherrybomb

Despite the fact that AT&T was one of the 46 sponsors that pulled advertising from Beck’s show on Fox News, the mega Telecom seemed to have no problem being one of three major sponsors for Beck’s upcoming keynote address at the Michigan COC Annual Address. Both UPS and State Farm Insurance have also provided financial support to Beck’s address scheduled for tomorrow, September 15th.

More at Think Progress.

Estimates for yesterday’s protest in D.C. put the crowd somewhere between 20,000 – 30,000 people. A far cry from ballpark estimates of 2 million that were predicted by 912.org and conservative columnist Michelle Malkin via her Twatter Twitter.

Not too long ago, I took a break from reading “the news” because it was making me feel like James Dean in Rebel Without a Cause. After all the negative events from last week (including the Bellevue School system’s ban of President Obama’s address on September 8th), I’m having a hard time finding my happy place. Even in my own backyard.

Anyway, make sure you check back starting tomorrow (or even later today) as I’ve got a ton of stuff to lay on you that I’m sure you’ll dig. Meanwhile, I’m going to snap out of my funk by starting Happy Hour a little early today. Not only is it noon somewhere, it’s actually noon in Seattle right now. True story.

Posts will be slow today as I’m boozing working on redesigning the site. Thanks for your patience and stay tuned.

Gene Simmons recently blathered all kinds of nonsense to one of the worlds ultimate shit-rags, The New York Post. Simmons barfed about his love of Walmart and his thoughts on Health Care Reform. Here’s the verbal poop straight from Gene’s gigantic piehole:

Simmons’ on KISS’s exclusive deal with Walmart:

They’re terrific. They give 2.5 million people jobs. It’s like America. Not everybody loves America. Say, ‘America,’ and see what happens.

That’s funny. I bet if you asked some of those 2.5 million people to use one word to describe Walmart, it would rhyme with space truckers.

Simmons’ on President Obama and Health Care:

I voted for President Obama, but his health care plan is a complete disaster. When I was growing up, it was ‘Make Love, Not War,’ and that’s great, but what if the other side wants to make war?

Oh shit! What does that even mean, Gene? And since we’re on the topic of things that qualify as complete disasters, let’s talk about that dead cat on top of your head. All wigs-gone-wild jokes aside, of course Simmons thinks the current plan to reform  Health Care is a “disaster”. Simmons lives in a world where he can easily afford plastic surgery for life for his entire brood, to say nothing of having access to the best health care money can buy. Not reforming Health Care in the US would ensure things stay just that way, so of course Simmons is adverse to any change in Health Care’s status-quo. And that’s not okay when your elderly neighbor is cutting back on insulin because she can’t afford not to.

According to the Tulsa PD, this man attempted to rob a bank armed only with a half-eaten cookie. The man allegedly handed the bank teller a note that read “give me $600 dollars for beer for the homeless”. The teller denied cookie monster his philanthropic request, and he left the bank without incident.

More on Peekaru and their Alien head baby carriers, here.

Thanks to Wonder Woman for the link…

Indeed!

Green Chester-draws – $15 (Woodinville, WA)

More images of wildly inappropriate vintage ads here.

Thanks to AFJ for the link.