Santa Claus is cumming to town…

This Santa Claus, fondly referred to as Condom Claus,  is made entierly of condoms and lives in Bangkok. This shit just writes itself.

Link via Dlisted. Original source: DJ Mick.

Worst Halloween Costumes Ever…

Not only are these Sharpie DIY Halloween masks horrible, they are also a poor substitute for ski masks. You know, the kind a sophisticated criminal might wear if they were attempting a B&E (street for breaking and entering). Which is exactly what these two brain surgeons were doing when they were arrested last Friday night in Iowa.

Manic Street Preachers, Peeled Apples. From 2009’s Journal for Plague Lovers. For K.

Journal for Plague Lovers, the ninth studio release from Manic Street Preachers, contains music penned 13 years ago by Manic’s former vocalist/guitarist Richey Edwards. Edwards disappeared in 1995 after checking out of London hotel. In 2008 Richey was declared legally dead, despite the fact that his body has never been recovered.

More on Manic Street Preachers here.

Fagina Tree meets Big Balls Tree. Found somewhere in the woods of the NW.

Hiking can be fun. You never know who you might meet. True story.

Thanks to the power of RDK for his help with this verra sexy, green porno.

Hello Dolly! Meet Cherry, a latex mask model.

If you’re thinking that Cherry might have gone a little overboard on the Botox, you’d be wrong. “Cherry” is a latex mask fetish model. Masks run around $130. Now that I’ve got your attention, check out the totally NSFW site of The Rubber Sisters as well as a huge Rubber Sisters gallery here.

Lastly, you must check out this mask promotional video shot to the backdrop of Seattle. Don’t blame me if you can sleep tonight!

Joe Perry likes to kill his own food. Food tastes better when you kill it yourself, doesn’t it? For LP.

In the August issue of Outdoor Life, Joe Perry admitted to his lifelong love of hunting. In the interview, Perry also confesses that he owns 40 or 50 (what he’s not counting?) handguns as well as other vintage flintlocks and rifles. Perry has even been hunting with Sarah Palin’s biggest fan, “conservationist” Ted Nugent. Sez The Perry:

Hunters are conservationists and their heads are in the right place. I’ve hunted with Ted (Nugent) and he’s just amazing, When it comes to walking around in the woods with Ted, you always learn something.

Queue Peta SVP Lisa Lange and her angry vegan keyboard in 3, 2, 1…:

People who take out their aggressions and frustrations on helpless animals are usually compensating for other shortcomings in their life. We don’t know how Joe measures up, but it’s interesting that he seems to feel so satisfied when he’s handling long phallic-looking weapons.

You know, I have to admit, when I read Perry’s interview I was kind of surprised. It’s hard to believe that Perry, a Republican that voted for John McCain in 2009 would actually turn out to be a gun enthusiast Friend of Ted. Seriously people, until Joe goes deep into the right-wing abyss and starts writing books about how to change the the world for the better through the power of God, guns, and rock “n” roll, I’m not going to sell him down the river. I am however going to avoid the woods of New Hampshire while wearing my deer antler helmet.

Happy Birthday Joe! I hope you blew out the candles on your birthday cake with your mouth this year…

I’ve got a cookie and I’m not afraid to use it!

According to the Tulsa PD, this man attempted to rob a bank armed only with a half-eaten cookie. The man allegedly handed the bank teller a note that read “give me $600 dollars for beer for the homeless”. The teller denied cookie monster his philanthropic request, and he left the bank without incident.

Snoop Dog super-sized snack attack. For JB.

During a tour stop in California, Snoop Dogg and Stephen Marley (the son of Bob) ordered $900 worth of food from Big Louie’s Pizzeria. Just what did they order? Over 30 pies (veggie for Marley and chicken/pesto for Snoop), and 6lbs of ribs and chicken wings. Once again proving that the most dangerous thing a stoner ever does is order too much take-out.

Official UFO Magazine. Issue #8, October 1978. For the record, polyester will drive you insane. True story.

Although I still read a few, I might read more print zines if Myron Fass was still around.

More of the beautifully brain-damaged, NSFW world of Fass here.

Lemmy Toast…

Lemmy Toast. It’s what’s for breakfast motherfuckers.

Toilet Kids, 1989.

In this Japanese TurboGrafix 16 game from 1989, after successfully jettisoning through a toilet, you get to blast golden piles of turd, frogs and, uh, piles of golden turd! After a quick search on eBay, I learned you can pick up a copy of Toilet Kids for around $70 (!). Providing of course that you still have your TG16 game console. If not, a new or newish TG16 will run you anywhere from $50-$80 bucks. Being able to blast golden turds in the comfort of your own home? Priceless…

Here’s the equally strange yet hilarious trailer for Toilet Kids.

Professional yeller and TV pitchman, Billy Mays is dead at 50.

The man who sold the world, Billy Mays, was found dead in his Tampa home yesterday. Stranger still is the fact that on Saturday, Mays had a near miss when the plane he was on blew out it’s front tires during it’s landing. It’s reported that Mays hit his head during the incident. Now it appears that Mays had a pretty devastating case of Heart Disease. The effects of which he likely succumbed on Saturday when he passed away after complaining of “not feeling well”.

What do you mean you know who killed me?

In his new book, Rock Roadie, James Wright claims that Jimi Hendrix’s death was no accident. Wright says that in 1971, Hendrix’s manager, Michael Jeffrey confessed to him that he had murdered the 27 year old guitarist saying he feared that Hendrix was planning to dump him for a new manager. According to Wright, Jeffrey admitted to stuffing pills into Jimi’s mouth while he was sleeping, and then attempted to wash the pills down with several bottles of red wine. The doctor that treated Hendrix at the hospital said that Jimi had literally “drowned in red wine” adding that only a small amount of alcohol was actually found in Hendrix’s system.

Upon Hendrix’s death, Jeffrey’s stood to inherit around $1.2 million dollars from an insurance policy he had taken out on the rock icon. Jeffrey was killed two years later in a mid-air plane collision.

While this is a pretty stunning revelation from a man close to both Hendrix and Jeffrey, it’s important to consider that Wright also says he spurned the sexy affections of Jayne Mansfield. Which to me, sounds even more unbelievable than Wright’s claim that Hendrix was aced by a man who’s been dead for 36 years.

Poisoned Heart: I Married Dee-Dee Ramone by Vera Ramone King, aka, Vera Davie.

In her new book, Poisoned Heart: I Married Dee-Dee Ramone, Dee-Dee Ramone’s ex-wife, Vera Davie, theorizes that the Ramones and members of their inner circle are cursed. Davie says the deaths of Joey of lymphoma, Johnny of prostate cancer and her ex-husband Dee Dee’s demise by heroin overdose are no coincidence. Which doesn’t sound all that far-fetched if you also consider that Linda Stein, who once managed the band, was beaten to death in 2007 and that Davie herself was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Although the tumor was successfully removed, it’s still an eerie supporting detail to Davie’s curse claim.

So far so good for original Ramones drummer Tommy Ramone who now fronts the alt-country duo Uncle Monk. Ramones post-Tommy timekeeper Marky, has a successful radio show on SIRIUS and plays in the band, Marky Ramone’s Blitzkreig.

But even Davie’s book, that has been praised for it’s honest portrayal of the departed Ramone, seems to have it’s fair share of bad luck. A law suit filed by the executor of Dee-Dee’s estate, Ira Hertzog, may stop the books June 1st publication. Hertzog claims that he was never given a chance to review the book, a direct violation of a pre-existing legal agreement he has with Davie.

Bar stool buggy boozer gets busted.

Unbelievably, the best redneck part of this story isn’t the home made bar stool on wheels pictured above. After crashing his booze-mobile, Kile Wygle called 911 to report his injuries. When the cops arrived, an obviously blotto Wygle was charged with DUI and driving with a suspended license.

Source: TSG

The Walken Twitters…!

It seems like everyone is on Twitter except for me and Christopher Walken. Oh, wait, I forgot the point of this post was to tell you that Christopher Walken is now on Twitter. My bad. Here’s something from Walken’s Twitter site posted earlier today:

There’s a kid on a Pogo stick in front of my house. It’s nearly midnight so let’s assume he’s been drinking. This should end well for him.

So is it actually The Real Walken behind this Twitter page? Probably not but it’s still pretty sweet. More Twitter musings from Christopher Walken (maybe) here…

Homotrooper by Suckadelic. Made in the New York, U.S.A. America, FUCK YEAH!

Suckadelic’s Homotrooper (and his pink super-sized codpiece) is too awesome for words. The Homotrooper joins intergalactic DJ, Suck Lord 669, Suck Lord 69 and Suck Lord 60 as the fourth action figure in The Gay Empire Series. Many of the Suckadelic’s action figures are made in super limited quantities (only 20 Suck Lord 660’s were ever made) so if you just can’t live without your very own Homotrooper, get one now.

Tony Montana funny money will not buy you real drugs. But it should…

In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power.

Tony Montana

Although I’m not one to argue with Tony Montana’s cocaine logic, I’m pretty sure he wansn’t talking about making funny money. Tennessee police say that they arrested a man who used almost $5 grand worth of fake money to cop fake OC’s (or OxyContin for those of you less versed in the language of the street) from an undercover cop. Members of Tenessee’s finest party crashers said some of the bills were only printed on one side. The perp was charged with four felonies, including the sexy sounding, criminal simulation. Which as it turns out, is not sexy at all. Drag…

I don’t care what it is…I want to look younger than my baby sister. Who is actually a baby…

I’m just going to cut to the quick on this one and tell you that Valvelta, a new wrinkle treatment, is derived from the donated foreskins of circumcised babies. As if it’s not gross enough that the word Valvelta sounds a bit too much like Velveta, the glow-in-the-dark cheese, the treatment is administered by injection. Vials of Valvelta will run Madonna you around $1000.

Baby Slippers. Made of BABIES…! Photo by Steph Goralnick.

This photo by Steph Goralnick has restored my faith that the Internets may still be interesting, as well as slightly demented.