Hi. We hate you.

While it looked like Maine was on it’s way to equality, the state chapter for Stand for Marriage collected over 55 thousand signatures in the hopes that they can overturn the bill signed by Maine Governor John Baldaci in May that legalized same-sex unions in the state.

Dave Carroll and the Sons of Maxwell, United Breaks Guitars.

Despite eyewitness accounts that United Airlines baggage handlers carelessly smashed musician Dave Carroll’s $3,500 dollar 710 Taylor guitar, the airline refused to foot the $1,200 repair cost. So Carroll wrote a song about it. Response to Carroll’s United Breaks Guitars has been so huge that the airline now says they will now work with Carroll to make things right.

More on Carroll here.

Glenn Beck and Michael Scheuer send the Fox New bat signal to Osama Bin Laden.

Michael Scheuer is not only a professional douchebag, he’s also an ex CIA agent who led various CIA divisions dedicated to Bin Laden. In a videotaped message from 2007, Bin Laden himself referenced Scheuer and his book, Imperial Huberis.

Full transcript and more at Daily KOS.

Toilet Kids, 1989.

In this Japanese TurboGrafix 16 game from 1989, after successfully jettisoning through a toilet, you get to blast golden piles of turd, frogs and, uh, piles of golden turd! After a quick search on eBay, I learned you can pick up a copy of Toilet Kids for around $70 (!). Providing of course that you still have your TG16 game console. If not, a new or newish TG16 will run you anywhere from $50-$80 bucks. Being able to blast golden turds in the comfort of your own home? Priceless…

Here’s the equally strange yet hilarious trailer for Toilet Kids.

Trim Style Schick Quattro for Women. Designed for landings strips. If you just said, “what’s a landing strip”, you do not need this product.

So I’m flipping through the new issue of Women’s Health and THIS ad from Schick almost blew my eyes out. True story.

Say what?

So, just to clarify, if I use my typewriter like, let’s say, four to eight times a day…will I go blind? Or will I just go straight to Hell. Or is it both? I’m so confused.

Source: Licystickypickyme.

Parking Space sells for $300,000.

A coveted parking spot in Boston’s Back Bay sold for this week $300,000. Setting a new record for the going price of a parking spot in the downtown Boston area. The owner of the parking space is also looking to move their $2.5 million dollar two-bedroom downtown “suite”. 10 years ago in Boston you could buy a parking space in Back Bay for $25 grand. Those were the days.

Even Uncle Sam wants out…

100,000 troops in Iraq through 2010? If we are to believe the testimony of Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates, the number of troops in Iraq will outnumber the troops currently in Afghanistan. Troop numbers in Afghanistan were also increased by about 12,000 in February, 2009.

Gates delivered the IT’S ALL BULLSHIT ANYWAY good news to the Senate Appropriations Defense Subcommittee on Tuesday.

Praise Pony.Taking all the fun out of childhood, past and present.

A small part ALL! of my childhood has been exploited!  My Little Pony (with the same pink and blond hair I currently sport. Which actually might explain a lot about my childhood) went and pimped herself off in the name of the Lord, sorta like Vanity, and became the triple threat now known as, “Faith, Hope and Love, Praise Ponies“. Each ponie (not pony, that’s still the cool one), contain audio recording specific to the values each possesses. How lucky for you. I mean, just in case you are completely devoid of any Christian-type based parenting skills. My little ponie totally has your back:

Praise Ponies have positive messages and are excellent tools for building spiritual and moral values.

Meh. Although I imagine the propaganda from The Faith Ponie might be the most pulpit-y of the three. Making it almost worth $7.99 to find out.

Almost…

KISS and Walmart. Yeah, that’s about right…

The “surprise” visit by Simmons and Stanley at the 39th Annual Walmart Shareholders Meeting gave rise to speculation that KISS will release their upcoming record, their first in 11 years, exclusively through the discount retailer. During the meeting Simmons was overheard saying something I’m sure he hated to admit:

I am not even close to being the richest guy in the crowd.

Of course Walmart’s shareholders are rich. The company that made over $400 billion dollars last year. However, Simmons’ comments are callous when you consider some of the reasons why Walmart’s Shareholders and Executives wallets are so flush.

On average, Walmart employees make less than $12 bucks and hour, and the majority of employees are unable to afford the company offered health benefits. This leaves around 700,000 of Walmart’s nearly two million employees uninsured. And, while KISS teaming up with a soul-sucking entity like Walmart isn’t quite the mindfucker like the Walmart/Aerosmith rumor, it still sucks. Rock and Roll all Over Walmart?

No thanks…

Crunchberries are not a real fruit. Unless you are stoned while you eat them. Believe!

California resident Janine Sugawara filed a lawsuit against The Pepsi Company after finding out that the “Crunchberries” in Captain Crunch were not actually made of fruit.

When the Judge moved to dismiss the case, Sugawara herself finally acknowledged that Crunchberries were not real fruit. Despite her admission, Sugawara was still at a loss as to why she was unable to draw that conclusion during the four years she spent consuming Captain Crunch with Crunchberries. A similar lawsuit filed against Fruit Loops in 2007 was also quickly dismissed.

What do you mean you know who killed me?

In his new book, Rock Roadie, James Wright claims that Jimi Hendrix’s death was no accident. Wright says that in 1971, Hendrix’s manager, Michael Jeffrey confessed to him that he had murdered the 27 year old guitarist saying he feared that Hendrix was planning to dump him for a new manager. According to Wright, Jeffrey admitted to stuffing pills into Jimi’s mouth while he was sleeping, and then attempted to wash the pills down with several bottles of red wine. The doctor that treated Hendrix at the hospital said that Jimi had literally “drowned in red wine” adding that only a small amount of alcohol was actually found in Hendrix’s system.

Upon Hendrix’s death, Jeffrey’s stood to inherit around $1.2 million dollars from an insurance policy he had taken out on the rock icon. Jeffrey was killed two years later in a mid-air plane collision.

While this is a pretty stunning revelation from a man close to both Hendrix and Jeffrey, it’s important to consider that Wright also says he spurned the sexy affections of Jayne Mansfield. Which to me, sounds even more unbelievable than Wright’s claim that Hendrix was aced by a man who’s been dead for 36 years.

Bad for business: when the Band hands the mic the Brand.

I’m sorry Joe. But you should be too. For LP.

Until I hear the ink is dry on this one, I’m going to pretend like I never wrote the title to this post, much less published it. Or saw this video where Joe Fuckin’ Perry lets it slip that the band may release their upcoming record exclusively through Walmart.  Likewise, I’m going to ignore this article in Rolling Stone. Please, Say it Ain’t So Joe! Aren’t the boys from Boston above doing business with a company so fiercely opposed to the Unionization of their workers, that it employs an Anti-Union Rapid Response Team to deal with worker “uprisings”?

Still not convinced the marriage of Aerosmith and Walmart is a shiteous idea? The 9th Circuit Court just gave the green light to a $1.6 million dollar class-action lawsuit, filed by former and soon to be former Walmart employees. The lawsuit cites the company’s consistent practice of underpaying female employees and not promoting females to management positions. Despite the fact that women comprise 72% of the company’s workforce. Walmart is also one of the only major retailers in the country that still does not offer domestic partner benefits. Walmart’s business model should make you cringe  – it’s prices do not care about the cost of putting your Mom and Pop out of business. It’s important not to forget this tradition.

The 100 largest companies in the word are able to control 70% of the worlds trade. Walmart is one of those companies. This year, Walmart was ranked #2 on the Fortune 500 list and the company’s revenue topped $400 billion dollars. This makes it easy for Walmart to employ egregious business practices because it’s just cheaper to pay off workers they abuse, harass, underpay, or lock in the store overnight.

Aerosmith is rock ‘n’ roll and the band has been a musical obsession of mine for as long as I can remember. When I was growing up in Somerville, Massachusetts (jealous?), Aerosmith had a gig space a few blocks from my house. Joe Perry was the type of guy who would throw around a football with us neighborhood kids, even while the band was selling millions of records (during this era, Done With Mirrors and Permanent vacation collectively sold over six million copies ). The always affable Tyler was like your attractive not-too-old Uncle who, while telling you to stay in school, still managed to be that same rock star your mother told you to stay away from. Aerosmith is one of those bands that if they kicked off a massive summer tour tomorrow, without some big label push or new material, they would sell out every 50,000 seat, corporate-owned shithole in Everytown, U.S.A.

So why Walmart, Toxic Twins? Some 37 years later you still have the world by the balls and can do whatever you want, whenever you want. You will always be “The Bad Boys from Boston,” but getting into bed with Walmart could cause that iconic statement to take on a whole new meaning.

Hate makes you look fat. It’s true…

Proposition 8 was upheld today by the California Supreme Court by a margin of 6-1. Marriages performed prior to the passage of Prop 8 last year will not be dissolved. In 1948, the California Supreme Court ruled that it was unconstitutional to deny the right to marry to interracial couples citing that marriage was a basic civil right. So much for progress.

Pretty in Pete…

…if Pete Doherty & Babyshambles are actually better than Oasis, does that make Babyshambles better than The Beatles? Fucking junkies make no sense sometimes. Okay, most of the time, junkies make no sense. But it’s that 50% (that does not include Pete Doherty) that actually make sense (that may or may not include Pete Doherty) that I’m concerned about.

Doherty went on to say that Babyshambles was the best band in the world and that a Libertines reunion was eminent.

Courtney Love, the crazy-ball is in your court.

Source: NME

Rockstar. If it looks like piss, and it tastes like piss, awww, fuck. If you don’t know where I’m going with this you’re probably drinking piss right now…

Let’s face it, we all consume a mass amount of Kool-Aid type products that come or are derived from sources we pretend don’t exist. Slaughter houses, Montsanto, Proctor and Gamble. The list is endless. When it comes to the swill-in-a-can also known as Rockstar Energy Drink, perhaps being informed about it’s origins, more specifically the people who own Rockstar, might get you off that junk for good.

Russell Goldencloud Weiner is the CEO of Rockstar. Weiner is also the co-founder of The Paul Revere Society. Members of the PRS work actively to deport illegal immigrants from the U.S., support the elimination of bilingual language education and, lobby against gay marriage rights. Meh? Okay. Weiner’s mother is Rockstar’s CFO. She’s married to Weiner’s father, Michael Savage. Michael Savage likes to say words like these in broadcast media:

Homosexuals have taken over every aspect of the culture. That’s how we have the president that we have…..Diversity is a cover for perversity.

Or these:

We need to keep out the Koreans because they might grill dog in the back yard. I wish I was making this up. Basically, the majority of immigrants are disease ridden, scum sucking, handout cases who come with a bad attitude and expect us to take complete care of them. Or they’re here to destroy us and everything we stand for.

So you see, the real reason Rockstar tastes like ass is because it’s made by pieces of shit.

Source: World of Wonder

Below are some of the protest signs seen across the country at various April 15 Tax Day Tea-Party protests.

Obama Actually Eats Puppies! Bo, the other white meat? Bo. It’s what’s for dinner! Puppies, the new Pork!

What? Was someone already holding a sign that said “Obama Eats Babies?”. This chilly bitch gets an “F” for originality but gets an “A” for looking just like a young John Cusack.

I would go back in the U.S.S.R., but I’m stuck in Jersey.

Please Ms. Stolichnaya, don’t let us keep you here against your will any longer. I mean, it must be hard adjusting to President Obama’s leadership style when you’re accustomed to WITCHES! people like Vladimir Putin, his puppet Dmitri Medvedev and Ramzan Kadyrov (Chechnya’s President) running your country.

Say what now Chicago?

Bright orange sweatshirt? Check. Operation Chaos baseball hat? Check. Equating the plight of the American taxpayer to the atrocities of the Holocaust? Priceless. No wait, I meant to say that the price would be your soul. My bad.

Shouldn’t that kid be in school? Although, he seems pretty advanced for his age. I couldn’t spell the word “jackass”, much less use it in a sentence or write it on a protest sign, until at least the second grade.

Politicians are Jackasses. Just like my Dad!

Poisoned Heart: I Married Dee-Dee Ramone by Vera Ramone King, aka, Vera Davie.

In her new book, Poisoned Heart: I Married Dee-Dee Ramone, Dee-Dee Ramone’s ex-wife, Vera Davie, theorizes that the Ramones and members of their inner circle are cursed. Davie says the deaths of Joey of lymphoma, Johnny of prostate cancer and her ex-husband Dee Dee’s demise by heroin overdose are no coincidence. Which doesn’t sound all that far-fetched if you also consider that Linda Stein, who once managed the band, was beaten to death in 2007 and that Davie herself was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Although the tumor was successfully removed, it’s still an eerie supporting detail to Davie’s curse claim.

So far so good for original Ramones drummer Tommy Ramone who now fronts the alt-country duo Uncle Monk. Ramones post-Tommy timekeeper Marky, has a successful radio show on SIRIUS and plays in the band, Marky Ramone’s Blitzkreig.

But even Davie’s book, that has been praised for it’s honest portrayal of the departed Ramone, seems to have it’s fair share of bad luck. A law suit filed by the executor of Dee-Dee’s estate, Ira Hertzog, may stop the books June 1st publication. Hertzog claims that he was never given a chance to review the book, a direct violation of a pre-existing legal agreement he has with Davie.

NOM Auditions, a storm of shitty actors. Audition #7 is an instant classic. But my favorite is the confused guy in audition #10. Why is #10 confused? Because he’s still in the closet silly goose…

Earlier this week, I blogged about the National Organization for Marriage and their new $1.5 million dollar anti-gay marriage TV ad campaign. Anyway, if you’ve seen the ads, it will come as no surprise to you that the people NOM used in the ad were all actors. Luckily, some excellent individual leaked the NOM “I not really a doctor but I do hate the gays” audition tapes and posted them all over Youtube. They’ve since been taken down but a few sites are still hosting them. Like Cherrybombed.com.

You can check more of the auditions here. For now anyway.

FOX News calls Mr. Rodgers an “Evil, evil man”.

Isn’t it always easier to blame other people when bad things happen? This is especially true when it comes to dead people. Just ask FOX News. In this clip from 2008, FOX News WITCHES! WITCHES! have fun blaming Mr. Rogers (who passed away in 2003) for the poor academic performance of American kids and young adults.

Louisiana University Finance Professor Don Chance conducted the study that concluded that Mr. Rogers’ message instilled a false sense of entitlement in children that carried over into adulthood.