If there was ever a clear sign that the economy is truly in the shitter, AND that an appearance by the four horsemen of the apocalypse is eminent, it is the fact that Bret Michaels will soon be shilling his signature line of guitars during an upcoming live broadcast on the Home Shopping Network. Another sign that the end is nigh are some of the words The Sacremento Bee used to describe Bret Michaels‘s upcoming visit to HSN. Such as “Rock Legend”, Rock Icon”, “Rocker and Pop Culture Icon”, Stunningly successful”, and “Legendary”.
Now listen, I inhaled my fair share of Aqua Net in 1986. And, of all the glam-bands from the 80’s, it seems natural that Bret Michaels would be selling guitars by way of the Home Shopping Network, 25 years later. But, I can’t. I really CAN’T!. However, if you’re planning on a night in with your Mom on October 2nd, Bret Michaels and his bandana will be HSN at 8:00, performing hair metal hits from his catalog like, “Every Rose Has Its Thorn,” “Something To Believe In” and “All I ever needed.”
Someone call Harold Camping! The Rapture is coming to a TV set near you on October 2nd. In the meantime, make sure to stock up on Bic lighters, hot pink lip gloss, Botox, a bottle of Sun In, and your formal Spandex. You’ll need them in the afterlife. Trust me.