Trick or Drink is not really a question as much as it is a genuine need. Jones Creepy Candy Corn Soda.

Okay, I’d be lying to you right now if I said I didn’t drink any of this little black beverage (which actually looks like Mountain Dew) tonight. I poured a splash of this Candy Corn Soda by Jones in a cold shot of Vodka, and still couldn’t finish it. And I love booze. So much so, I mourn Booze’s passing by any vessel that isn’t my own mouth.

If you want to experience the horror of my mouth right now, which I will assure you is still wildly delicious despite my previous comment, and you don’t have any Jones Candy Corn Soda, just toss a teaspoon of Vanilla extract into a shot of Vodka. The foreboding tombstones printed on the bottom left of the can will then come into play as you’re screaming, “WHY  DO YOU HATE ME VANILLA, WHY???!!!”.

While you casually open a beer and simultaneously thank GOD you’re not driving (and not just because you just opened a beer), please be happy knowing you never done drunk that candy-corn-shit-in-a-can in the first place. Not like me and my sad, angry vanilla-flavored mouth. True TRUE! story.

Venom Halloween Costume: FAIL! Man, Woman, Pat? In any case, FAIL! In other words, NOOOOOOOOO!

Behold, the first documented case of an all black ensemble not being as slimming as promised. True story.

Paul Lynde Halloween Special, 1976.

Paul Lynde, KISS, Halloween! Man, I was so born in the wrong era.

Viva la 1976!

The Misfits, Horror Business, 1979. For Noah.

In addition to The Misfits 1979’s record, Horror Business, it’s also on the creeptastic 1996 Misfits compilation, Coffin Box.

Okay kids, it’s time for another amateur night Halloween and the obligatory “look at these crazy fucking pumpkin’s” post. Anyway, I expect that plenty of you will end your night just like these pumpkins did. Me? I’ll be celebrating quietly with my friends George, Tom and Bub.

More vomiting gourds after the jump. Now, JUMP…!

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Colin. The $70 Zombie movie.

…okay, you can’t actually make a film as great as Colin, after watching this trailer for the Zombie flick Colin and subsequently all the other clips from the movie on YouBoobTube, I think the key to making a successful $70 film might be to never hold the camera steady. It worked for Blair Witch, right?

Indie director Marc Vincent Price’s (his real completely awesome name) lower-than-low-budget Zombie thriller, Colin, has been lauded at Cannes and the film was nominated for The Raindance Award at the 2009 British Independant Film Awards. Marc Vincent Price is my new personal hero. True story…