Hand screened toilet paper by J. Morrison.

Because your ass is worth it.

For more from the Brooklyn based artist J. Morrison, click here.

Source: World of Wonder.

Three Olives Cherry Vodka, 70 proof alcohol, 100% swill.

If you know me on a personal/biblical/stalker basis, you know I love to drink. I am not a beer snob, but you better believe my nose points upwards when it comes to spirits. Anyway, it was recently suggested to me that if I truly was a such a Martha, then why was I not writing about my friend Hooch on the blog more often. So, consider SWILL! my first pass at helping you become a Drunken Master, just like me. If it goes well, I’ll launch a page dedicated to my liver corroding exploits and also give you the dope on what’s good and what ain’t. Which brings us back to the subject of this entry, SWILL!

A few weeks ago, my very sexy old man gifted me with a bottle of Three Olives Cherry Vodka. Now, Vodka is my favorite party liquid. Because I’m so top-shelfy, I really haven’t had a bad vodka experience. Until I tried TO’s Cherry Vodka. Three Olives claims their vodka is quadruple-distilled and their flavored line (that now includes 16 different flavors) is bold. Which is just a fancy way of saying Three Olives vodka is cocky.

The first tip that TO’s Cherry Vodka isn’t going to do you any favors is the Robitussin blast you get after taking off the classy twist-off cap. Undaunted, I poured it over ice, let it chill and simply disregarded the voice in my head screaming NO!!!! and took a sip. The verdict? Three Olives Cherry Vodka is a vodka only Lester Bangs could love. And he’s dead.

If you’re looking for a good Cherry Vodka, try Effen Black Cherry. It’s perfect on the rocks.

Bad for business: when the Band hands the mic the Brand.

I’m sorry Joe. But you should be too. For LP.

Until I hear the ink is dry on this one, I’m going to pretend like I never wrote the title to this post, much less published it. Or saw this video where Joe Fuckin’ Perry lets it slip that the band may release their upcoming record exclusively through Walmart.  Likewise, I’m going to ignore this article in Rolling Stone. Please, Say it Ain’t So Joe! Aren’t the boys from Boston above doing business with a company so fiercely opposed to the Unionization of their workers, that it employs an Anti-Union Rapid Response Team to deal with worker “uprisings”?

Still not convinced the marriage of Aerosmith and Walmart is a shiteous idea? The 9th Circuit Court just gave the green light to a $1.6 million dollar class-action lawsuit, filed by former and soon to be former Walmart employees. The lawsuit cites the company’s consistent practice of underpaying female employees and not promoting females to management positions. Despite the fact that women comprise 72% of the company’s workforce. Walmart is also one of the only major retailers in the country that still does not offer domestic partner benefits. Walmart’s business model should make you cringe  – it’s prices do not care about the cost of putting your Mom and Pop out of business. It’s important not to forget this tradition.

The 100 largest companies in the word are able to control 70% of the worlds trade. Walmart is one of those companies. This year, Walmart was ranked #2 on the Fortune 500 list and the company’s revenue topped $400 billion dollars. This makes it easy for Walmart to employ egregious business practices because it’s just cheaper to pay off workers they abuse, harass, underpay, or lock in the store overnight.

Aerosmith is rock ‘n’ roll and the band has been a musical obsession of mine for as long as I can remember. When I was growing up in Somerville, Massachusetts (jealous?), Aerosmith had a gig space a few blocks from my house. Joe Perry was the type of guy who would throw around a football with us neighborhood kids, even while the band was selling millions of records (during this era, Done With Mirrors and Permanent vacation collectively sold over six million copies ). The always affable Tyler was like your attractive not-too-old Uncle who, while telling you to stay in school, still managed to be that same rock star your mother told you to stay away from. Aerosmith is one of those bands that if they kicked off a massive summer tour tomorrow, without some big label push or new material, they would sell out every 50,000 seat, corporate-owned shithole in Everytown, U.S.A.

So why Walmart, Toxic Twins? Some 37 years later you still have the world by the balls and can do whatever you want, whenever you want. You will always be “The Bad Boys from Boston,” but getting into bed with Walmart could cause that iconic statement to take on a whole new meaning.

The Eels, The Look You Give That Guy from the forthcoming Hombre Lobo: 12 Songs of Desire. Due out June 2nd.

Hombre Lobo, the ninth studio record from The Eels, won’t be out until June 2nd. But, if you’re in Europe, you can download That Look and one other track from the new album on iTunes now. The rest of us will have to settle for streaming Hombre Lobo on the bands Myspace until it’s official June 2nd release.

I don’t want to inspire a bunch of I LOVE hate mail but, I think That Guy might be my all time favorite Eels song. Vagrant Records for the win on this one. Ka-POW!

Love is Patient collage. Photos by Kelly Castro. Collage by Santiago Ortiz.

The photos for this collage were culled from Santa Cruz photographer Kelly Castro’s Exteriors Collection. The photographs for Exteriors were taken over a seven month period that began in December of 2007. Then the Bogota born artist Santiago Ortiz built Castro’s photos into an Algorithmic collage.

To see how much more of a mindfuck this cool collage can become, click here.

Source: BLORT!

Ace Frehley at Amoeba Records on April 18th, 2009.

So whaddaya’ think is in Ace Frehleys bag? A smoking guitar? 70’s Alien Goth Makeup and Spandex? Groupies? I’m sure all those things still might be were once contents of Ace’s bag, but not this time. In honor of Record Store Day, Ace went shopping at Amoeba Records in LA, then revealed his musical bag of tricks for the cameras. All I can say is this. When Ace pulled this Blue Cheer CD out of his bag, I almost cried.

To keep up with Ace’s exploits, especially his soon to be announced World Tour, visit AceFrehley.com.

As always, many thanks to Ace Frehley.com for the link.

Thomas Doyle, The Reprisal from the Reclamation Series, 2006.

Brooklyn artist Thomas Doyle is a mini. Meaning that his creations are scaled to 1:43 and smaller. For his Reclamation Series, Doyle took his creations and enclosed them in glass thus, distilling them forever to a moment they can never escape from. To take a closer look at what’s going on inside The Reprisal, click here.

Thomas Doyle, Acceptable Losses from the Distillation Series, 2008.

For his Distilations Series, Doyle continued to capture the perilous moments of little people under glass. Doyle’s approach to little people in chaos reminds me of London mini artist Slinkachu, and his little people who continue to create small-scale havoc all over London.

For more on Doyle, click here. Thanks to RDK for the little people got no feelings, linkage.

How to shave your Tree, by Gillette. For AFJ.

Trim the bush to make the tree look taller? Does that even work? What’s worse, now I’m worried that the next time I ask for some Tree, I will get something I do not want to smoke. Anyway, Gillette didn’t use real people to demo their tutorial video “how to shave your bush”. But that didn’t stop them from pixellating the animated bush-shaver’s junk out of the vid anyway. Also, if you’re in the dark on how to shave your chest this year, Gillette got you covered on that butch move too.

So that’s what drinking Old Foghorn (10% alcohol if you’re curious) does to you…

Alabama has passed a law that will enable the state to sell beer and malt liquor containing up to thirteen and nine-tenths percent alcohol. Until today, beer sold in Alabama could contain a maximum of 6% percent alcohol. HB373 or The Gourmet Beer Bill, introduced by the greatest non-profit group ever, Alabamians for Specialty Beer. Today, HB373 (one of two beer bills on the Alabama docket) successfully passed through the state’s legislature. Now nothing can stop the flow of high-caliber Hops into the state. Yee-Haw!

I really look at this as a victory for Alabama drunks. I myself would cry if I wasn’t able to get my hands on the Simpler Times lager from Trader Joe’s, which packs a whopping 6.2% alcohol in each 79¢ hillbilly can. Yee-Haw!

For more Alabama’s struggle to get their drunk on, visit Free The Hops.

Lee Majors would be proud.

The Beastie Boys released Lee Majors last month on a 7″ found in random vinyl gatefold reissues of Check Your Head. Lee Majors brings back the Heart Attack Man hardcore sound the Beasties busted out in 1992. Check’s reissue follows up the 20th Anniversary Vinyl Edition of Paul’s Botique. On July 14th, the bands 1994 record, Ill Communication will finally get the vinyl treatment.

The new Beastie record, Hot Sauce Committee, is due out in September.

Thanks to Freddy Pants for the finger-licking linkage…

Son of Terror, a film by Antony De Gennaro.

A freaky flick by a talented acquaintance of mine, Antony De Gennaro, will make it’s STIFF debut on June 9th. Son of Terror was four years in the making and De Gennaro’s dedication to his craft has yielded dizzying and demented results. I saw SOT when De Gennaro first screened as a fundraiser at the Rendevoux Room last year and I’m happy to report it’s a nightmarish bit of celluloid. And, like all good horror films, it’s not above making you to laugh at the most inappropriate moment.

Son of Terror screens along with Psycho Hillybilly Cabin Massacre which got the 2009 STIFFY Award for Best Slasher Film. Yee-Haw! For more on STIFF, click here.

Thanks to the Mad Irish Man for the evil linkage…

Hate makes you look fat. It’s true…

Proposition 8 was upheld today by the California Supreme Court by a margin of 6-1. Marriages performed prior to the passage of Prop 8 last year will not be dissolved. In 1948, the California Supreme Court ruled that it was unconstitutional to deny the right to marry to interracial couples citing that marriage was a basic civil right. So much for progress.

Green Porno by Isabella Rossellini. Praying Mantis mating, Season One.

Isabella Rossellini wrote, directed and stars in Green Porno, a series of short films the actress also produced for the Sundance Channel. The series of two to three minute clips depict the reproductive habits of animals, with the still very sexy 56 year old Rossellini often playing the part of the male animal.

In Season One, Rossellini realistically reenacts the mating rituals of insects like Bee’s and the Praying Mantis (above). In Season Two, Sea Creatures, Rossellini dons a whale costume, complete with an six foot whale penis, to demonstrate how the Right Whale mates.

Season Three of Green Porno, out later this year, explores the sex lives of, not with, farm animals.

The Diablotones do the Warped Tour, 1998.

If you’re also enjoying a sunny Staycation in Seattle this weekend, head down to Folklife this afternoon to check out the Ska Showcase featuring Natalie Wouldn’t, The Diablotones, and the rude boy, punk infused pirates from Portland, Rum Rebellion.

Folklife (admission is Free!) opens up at 11:00 am. The Ska Showcase kicks off at 3:00 pm.

Jimmy Page’s custom Orange Matamp. Matamp started making the flaming orange amps in the early 60’s.

A 1971 Matamp amplifier, custom built and owned by Jimmy Page, was sold in an eBay auction for $30,000 on Friday.

Skinny Jeans of death!

Tingling Thigh Syndrome sounds sexy, but it’s not. Some medical type know-it-all concluded that cases of TTS or, the decidedly unsexy sounding meralgia paresthetica, have increased due to the popularity of HIPSTERS! skinny jeans.

Fuck Your Blog Tee by The Seventh Letter.

For more t-shirts from The Seventh Letter and one of my favorite creative collectives, Rebel 8, visit Canvas Los Angeles.

Men’s briefs made from beef jerky. BeDazzled just because! By Mixed Species.

These salty briefs courtesy of Oregon company Mixed Species will run you $139.00. I also love the rawhide “Chewsifix”. It’s a perfect gift for your favorite atheist dog lover. Catch up with adventurously insane! cool boys and girls at Mixed Species on their blog.

Thanks to Freddy Pants for the link.

The oldest DJ battle ever recorded on film.

It’s so on!

Source: BLORT!

New York Dolls, 2009.

The New York Dolls kick off their 29 stop tour tonight in Soloano, California. The bands 4th record, ‘Cuz I Sez So, is out now. The Dolls play El Corazon on May 27th.

Thanks to the Mad Irishman (who isn’t really angry, just mad, there’s a difference) for the link.