Since Halloween is this FRIDAY, I’ve naturally been thinking about chocolate. But since I’m also on election overload, the two thoughts collided. What I ended up with was asking myself what kind of candy gets handed out by our ultra-conservative, God is my Copilot, neighbors. Luckily, I didn’t have think about this for too long…

Chocolate Jesus.

Who knew Chocolate Jesus wasn’t just a Tom Waits song. Life is crazy like that sometimes.

Chocolate Crucifix Candy.

Of course, instead of those cool chocolate gold coins, our bible thumping friends to the right would be handing out these chocolate crucifix candies. Honestly, as much as I love chocolate, I’m pretty sure my mouth would burst into flames if I ate one of these things. And that’s both sad and unfair.

John McCain Suckers.

I love how these suckers make John McCain look like a baby. How ironic is that? Well, the Obama suckers kind of make Barack Obama look like Curious George. Anyway, I’m sure the McCain suckers will be in every Conservative’s Halloween candy bowl this year. As well as the Obama ones.

Jesus Lollypop.

Now you can enjoy the delicious taste of Jesus right from the comfort of your own home. If licking Jesus’ face doesn’t send me on a one way trip to hell, I don’t know what will. Which is perfect since it’s Halloween and all.

Chocolate Gun.
Bang Bang! Your dead! Happy Halloween!

The Last Supper Chocolate bar.

You won’t find this Last Supper Chocolate Bar at most of the houses you will visit on Halloween. In fact, I’m pretty sure that the only person handing this incredible piece of chocolate Christy goodness is Sarah Palin. And don’t be surprised when she doesn’t answer the door either, she’s pretty busy these days talking to people about killing animals, saving babies and “the gay” and, uh, well that’s it really. But back to Halloween. When you’re out Trick or Treating on Friday, remember what your  Mom always says. Don’t go to any houses where there is a McCain/Palin sign.

It’s just not safe.