Birthday Brawl: Rob Halford vs. Gene Simmons 4
Metal God Rob Halford of Judas Priest turns 57 today.
The Cherrybomb Birthday Brawl is back after a short Summer hiatus. Sorry about that, but these bits can be tough to bang out. And sometimes it’s really hard to decide who to put into my virtual ring of death. Originally, I was going to put Jeff Tweedy up against Elvis Costello (who also share today’s birthday). But I just couldn’t pass up a chance to take a few more jabs at Gene Simmons. And you can’t blame me for that. It’s like shooting fish with Kiss makeup in a barrel.
The Halford vs. Simmons Birthday Brawl is on…
Dr. Love aka Gene Simmons and his legendary tongue turns 59 today.
Better Song That Is Probably About Sex:
Simmons: Here’s a hint, Calling Dr. Love is not a song about a hot cardiologist. Although I’m sure Simmons knows one.
So if you please get on your knees
There are no bills, there are no fees
Baby, I know what your problem is
The first step of the cure is a kiss
Rob Halford, Heavy Metal Meat Purveyor.
Halford: I present to you for consideration the lyrics to Grinder:
Grinder
Looking for meat
Grinder
Wants you to eat
Advantage: Simmons. I still call Dr. Love for all my medical advice.
Gene Simmons might be bald.
Not So Shocking “Secret” That Everyone Already Knew:
Simmons: For years, Gene Simmons has worn a wig. Simmons was recently photographed by the paps driving around sans wig, which seemed to surprise some people. These are the very same people who acted surprised when they found out Rob Halford was gay. What? You didn’t…are you kidding me? Have you ever seen the video for Heading out to the Highway?
Rob Halford, Creem Magazine, 1984.
Halford: In 1998, Halford eloquently outed himself during an interview with MTV. Halford said “most people know that I’ve been a gay man all of my life.” Halford went on to say “the only people who don’t know I’m gay are the same people who think Gene Simmons’ still has his own hair.” Okay, Halford really didn’t say that second thing but I’m sure he probably thought it.
Advantage: Halford. The man is a hero.
Weirder Homage:
Halford Statue outside of Cafe’ Halford in Berlin.
Halford: Cafe’ Halford in Berlin erected an eight-foot statue of Rob Halford in the entrance to the pub.
Simmons: Colorado Classic Rock radio station, KRFX, “The Fox” tricked out a vintage VW Beetle complete with a life-size replica of Simmons’ tongue.
Advantage: Halford. Tongue car scares me.
Rob Halford and his Hog.
Crazier Near Death Stage Accident:
Halford: On stage, Halford was known for riding his Hog, er, Harley Davidson motorcycle out on stage. I’ve seen him do it and it’s about the coolest fucking thing ever. Except one time when Halford crashed into the drum riser, fell off his bike, busted his nose and then lost consciousness. After medical treatment, Halford returned to the stage and did the show. Take that Nickelback.
Gene Simmons lights own hair on fire. This explains the wig.
Simmons: At a performance in New York in 1974, Simmon’s hair caught on fire in the midst of his famous fire-breathing act.
Advantage: Halford. Too tough to kill, too Metal to die.
Well, no surprise here that this Cherrybomb Birthday Brawl goes to one of the greatest things to come out of England, Rob Halford. Honestly, poor Chiam never really had a chance.
