Birthday Brawl: Billy Squire vs Ian Dury…
Billy Squire, Stroke Me indeed, 1983. Billy Squire turns 58 today.
Okay, here’s the truth. Cherrybomb loves Billy Squire. My thoughts are often consumed with visions of an all-star Squire compilation that would naturally include the following musicians:
Prince takes on Squire’s musical calling card, The Stroke. Even though ex-Faith No More vocalist, Mike Patton & Mr. Bungle, used to do a nutty-good cover of The Stroke live.
Cheap Trick would get to trick out “Lonely is the Night“.
Leonard Cohen would turn “My Kind of Lover” inside-out. Which would leave Elvis Costello to take on “Everybody Wants You” and inevetibly make it his own.
And what about Cherrybomb’s favorite Squire song, “Whadda’ Ya’ Want from Me?” That would naturally be redone by Squier’s hometown brothers, Aerosmith. Your virtual nod of total agreement is all I need.
Ian Dury. Who the fuck is David Johansen?
Here’s the second thing. Cherrybomb loves Ian Dury. Bitch was brilliant. This is gonna be a tough match. For me anyway. The Squire vs Dury birthday brawl is on…
Weirder Piece of Memorabilia
Billy Squire Banana. Thrown into audience at the Freddy Mercury Tribute, NY, 1998
Billy Squire allegedly signed this Banana and threw it into the crowd while performing at the Freddy Mercury Tribute Show in New York in 1998. The banana was caught by Charlie, Billy’s #1 fan, which seems about right. You’ll never listen to The Stroke again and not think about this banana. Although, saying that you never thought about a banana while listening to The Stroke is hard to believe. For sure, you thought about bananas when watching the video for The Stroke. Don’t lie. Cherrybomb can hear you lying. Did you know that lying makes look fat? It’s true.
No New Boots or Panties for Ian Dury & The Blockheads…
I was really hoping to come across some used, obscure promotional panties that might have been made in honor of Dury & The Blockheads 1977 record, New Boots and Panties, but no dice. Here’s some Peanuts underwear instead. Hey, it says Blockhead. That’s close enough.
Advantage: Squire. A Banana in the pants beats the panties off everything. Every time.
Best Album Cover
Billy Squire, Emotions in Motion, 1982. Cover art by Andy Warhol
I’ll bet you one hundred dollars that you didn’t know Warhol did this album cover. I mean, I’d bet a Franklin, if I actually had a spare Franklin. Anyways, Andy knew Billy rocked, which totally drives home Cherrybomb’s point. Billy Squire resides on the cool side of the rock and roll fence. The Squire will not be denied!
Ian Dury, Mr. Lovepants, 1997. Cover art by Storm Thorgerson.
Storm Thorgerson is the man responsible for the artwork on Floyd’s Dark Side record. Thorgersen also did the cover for The Catherine Wheel’s 1993 record, Chrome.
Advantage: Squire. Even though I love The Catherine Wheel, I hate Pink Floyd.
Sexier Song That is Probably About Sex:
Billy Squire. King of The Stroke.
I’m positive that The Stroke is about sex. If it’s not, I will eat Billy Squire’s autographed banana. And I hate bananas.
Ian Dury and his Rhythm Stick. Photo by Tom Sheehan.
I actually don’t know what Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick is about, but it’s probably about sex. Although, strangely, Rhythm Stick’s lyrics contain the words “I love you” many times in French and German. Making it possible that HMWYRS is about something, other than sex. Because sex has nothing to do with love. Even Cherrybomb knows that.
Advantage: Dury. Songs about Rhythm Sticks turn Cherrybomb’s crank.
Better Movie Role:
Ian Dury, Middleton’s Changeling, 1998.
By some accounts, the film adaptation of Thomas Middleton’s tragic play, The Changeling, was really horrible. Still, the idea of Ian Dury playing Middleton’s murderous character, De Flores (above) works for me. Dury gets extra Cherrybomb points for looking excellent while splattered in blood.
Jeff Spicoli and his bagel in Fast Times at Ridgemont Hight. Not Billy Squire.
Billy Squire contributed what was easily the best and most memorable song on the Fast Times soundtrack, Fast Times, The Best Years of Our Lives. Technically, Squire does not appear in the flick, but I’m using it anyway. Cherrybomb’s blog, Cherrybomb’s rules.
Advantage: Dury. Splatter beats Stoner every time. Besides, the Fast Times reference was really a stretch.
Current Respitory Status:
Ian Dury. Dead. Not sleepy.
Dury would have turned 65 today. He lost his long battle with Cancer in 2000, at the age of 57. May he rest in peace. All us cool kids miss you…
Billy Squire, Vegas, 2006. Really.
Billy Squire is very much alive, living in New York (Upper West Side yo…) and currently touring with Ringo Starr.
Advantage: Squire. But I’m deducting Cherrybomb points for the Ringo factor.
So no big surprise here, but it’s Billy Squire for the win in the latest Cherrybomb birthday brawl. Bring on the hate mail. I live for that shit.
Related Cherrybombed stories:
