The Ramones, Spiderman.

I can almost smell the ceremonial Saturday morning wake and bake now. Good times, good times…uh, what was I talking about? Do you smell hot dogs? Man I’m hungry…oh yeah, now I remember. The Ramones rule and cartoons are funny.

Thanks to my very good looking friend Jane, for the link. See you in a few weeks…

In the trailer for Lemmy: The Movie (above), a sign on a Marshall stack reads: Lemmy: 49% Motherfucker, 51% Son of a Bitch. Sounds about right. To say that Lemmy: The Movie, is long overdue is an understatement. The film was shot with two directors, Greg Olliver and Wes Oroshski, and is set for release sometime in 2009. Both Olliver and Oroshski were in complete awe of their 62 year-old subject and said that filming Lemmy in action, was like filming a wild animal in it’s natural habitat. Meaning, they were never quite sure what Lemmy was going to do. Which is exactly what you would expect from Lemmy Kilmister. Lemmy ain’t no nice guy. And that’s okay.

The bad guys always get the hottest chicks, have the biggest guns and get to wear the best clothes. The black ones.

Thanks to my favorite bad guy, Surly for the Lemmy linkage.

Wendy is back…

So GTFO is back after a one week hiatus. I’m sorry that I could not be your rock and roll tour guide last week, but I was busy doing my first podcast which you can hear as a part of the Sleazegrinder Kick Ass Life podcast, Episode 18. Like I told you before, Cherrybomb has like 18 jobs. How many jobs you got?

For the love of Miss Misery, I need a drink. Lucky for Cherrybomb, I’m home in time for the famous 24 Hour Club Cherrybomb Open Bar. I didn’t even have to click my heels three times to get there. Life is sweet.

Thursday, May 29th:

Snuff, Chuck Palahniuk.

Chuck Palahniuk
Town Hall
Chuck Palahniuk will be at Seattle Town Hall reading from his new book “Snuff“. Palahniuk’s readings are almost as trippy and entertaining as his books. Snuff is the story of Cassie, a porn actress on a quest to capture the ultimate gang-bang on film. To the tune of 600 guys. One of Palahniuk’s greatest traits as a writer is in his character development. It’s so deep, that after reading one of his books, you start to see real-life versions of his characters walking down the street. I have to admit that in the in the case of Snuff, I can’t wait to see someone that looks like Gang-Bang dude, Mr. 176. I think…

The Whore Moans, Neumo’s, February 2008. Photo by Cherrybomb.

The Whore Moans
Coconut Coolouts
Comet Tavern

Does it Offend You, Yeah. The double-dong I mean…

Does it Offend You, Yeah?
Scala (London)
This gig is a benefit for the War Child International. WCI is a charity that provides international outreach and support to children affected by war. WCI estimates that there are 300,000 child soldiers, worldwide. Iggy Pop and Radiohead are also supporters of War Child. DIOYY will be playing a bunch of US dates in California, New York and Toronto in June and July. If you live in any of those places (that are sadly not Seattle – BOO) make sure you see the band that blew everyone away at SXSW this year.

Friday, May 30th:

Das Llamas. Photo by April Brimer.

Das Llamas
Black Eyes and Neckties
The Funhouse
Das Llamas has a new record coming out on June 24 called Class Wars: K-12. Black Eyes and Neckties are my favorite Bellingham band right now. This bill totally kills.

Cancer Rising
The Physics
King Cobra

Nazareth. Old Then and Now. Still Son’s of bitches…

Nazareth
Londrina Country Club (Brazil)
I would like to take this opportunity to share a weird Nazareth story. Former Nazareth guitarist Manny Charlton has pissed off his old Scottish band mates by touring around the US under the name Nazareth. The real Nazareth (or the real version that still includes original vocalist Dan MacCafferty) was so pissed that the band posted this urgent message on their website urging fans not to be taken in by the fake, mostly Yankee version of Nazareth.

In other weird Nazareth news, MacCafferty’s Nazareth is in the middle of a massive tour in honor of their 40th anniversary and new record, The Newz. The tour only gets as close to the US as Canada, to Cherrybomb’s chagrin.

Son of a bitch…

Saturday, May 31st:

Adrian Connor rules…

Hell’s Belles
Hell’s Kitchen
Busy on Saturday? The hottest kitchen in Tacoma also has the Belles on Friday, May 30th and one of Cherrybomb’s favorite local bands, Plaster!

Sunday, June 1st:

The Queers
El Corazon
I told you about this show a while ago. Did you forget? Did you? I mean, I’m not saying that you did forget. But I am saying if you DID forget, you better un-forget how lame you are by Sunday, and get to El Corazon. Also, in relation to your hangover on Sunday, The Queers live are the perfect cure. That and some hair of the dog, that is…

MonsterBra – one size fits all?

Full Moon Horror Road Show
Showbox
If you are a true Horror fan, you do NOT want to miss Full Moon Horror Road Show. Let me put it to you like this. Full Moon makes movies called Assault of the Killer Bimbos and Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death, with Adrienne Barbaeu. Full Moon also made a little movie called Castle Freak, which was directed by the Re-Animator himself, Stuart Gordon. Full Moon makes something called a MonsterBra. Although I doubt the “one size fits all” MonsterBra claim, Full Moon can do ANYTHING. Including taking their naked-chick-in-a-bloodbath show on the road. MonsterBra not included.

Looking Ahead:

Brothers of the Sonic Cloth. Oil hero worship on canvas.

On June 6th, Tad Doyle of Tad and his new band, Brothers of the Sonic Cloth will be at Jules Maes. BOTSC will also play the Gutter Twins show along with Skullbot in July at the Showbox. If you happen to be in San Diego on June 6th, head over to The Beauty Bar and catch The Bloody Hollies. I can personally attest that The Hollies are as good as the surfing in SD. And that’s really good.

It’s finally Summertime and that means it’s all about the return of your favorite cover bands to your local club scene. Here is the line-up so far for Seattle:

Led Zeppelin ain’t gonna tour but you can still see them. Sort of…

So many tribute bands, only so much time, so here we go. Supernauty, the Seattle-based Black Sabbath cover band, will be at Nectar Lounge on Wednesday, June 25th. On Saturday, July 5th, Revolver, A Beatles Tribute, will be at The Triple Door. A mere five days later, on Thursday, July 10th the all-girl Led Zeppelin troupe, Zepparella (not to be confused with Lez Zeppelin, the all-girl Zep tribute that played Bonaroo this year) plays the Tractor with Witchburn. Witchburn is fronted by Jamie Nova, who belts ‘em out for the supergirl-powered AC/DC tribute, Hell’s Belles. And since there ain’t no such thing as too much Zeppelin, Led Zepplica, the So-Cal Zeppelin tribute band will play two shows at the King Kat on July 25th & 26th.

Cash’d Out.

Lastly, on Friday, August 15th you can see the Pink Floyd tribute band, The Machine at Neumo’s and follow that up with Cash’d Out, a trib to Johnny Cash on Saturday, August 16th at the Tractor. Phew.

Now Get The Fuck Out already…

Wendy O’s back ink. Almost as awesome as she was.

Wendy O. Williams is the greatest Punk icon to ever live. If anyone tries to dispute this fact, ask them what they were doing during the years 1978 and 1985. Bitches to Bro’s they were up to their ass in the Bee Gees and Donna Summer. Or, so depressed about Ian Curtis that they stopped caring about music all together. Although Cherrybomb herself was temporarily on Wendy hiatus by way of Blizzard of Oz, a young Cherrybomb was incapable of not being aware of Wendy Orlean and The Plasmatics.

Wendy O on skin. Now that’s love…

Wendy O would have turned 59 today. Her initials spell the word, WOW. Wendy jumped out of speeding cars and cut up guitars with chainsaws. She was a fearless woman who took every opportunity to express her intelligent, fuck-the-establishment ideology.

Wendy O, the night after Milwaukee. You can’t keep a good woman down.

Most people might only remember the platinum Mohawk and the duct-tape… Cherrybomb is thankful that her exposure to Wendy O wasn’t limited to the mainstream media. There has never been another woman more strong, unafraid or 100% FUCK YOU than Wendy was.

Wendy O Williams in all her glory.

So today, May 28th, we should all get down on our knees and pledge allegiance to the greatest woman to ever Fuck ‘n’ Roll, Wendy Orlean Williams. A woman in control until the very end. While there won’t be anyone else like her again, we might all try to be more like her in some way. If you put your trust in Sex and Rock ‘n’ Roll, you will never fail. If you put your money where your mouth is, and don’t mean it, your teeth should systematically be kicked out.

However, if you take the world by the balls and mean it, you might win. I hope you know that now. While there is still so much to say about Wendy, I’ll leave you with one last thought.

Fuck Techno-Pop.

Everyone from Aerosmith to Zappa have covered the Beatles. As usual, I’m in a Metal mood so let’s check out some of the better Metal-inspired covers of Beatles classics. A few might surprise you…

Lemmy rides the Beatles Rocket to Russia.

Lemmy: Back in the USSR

Lemmy can make any song sound good. Case in point is when Lemmy covered Metallica’s Enter Sandman and replaced the songs pop music vagina with real metal balls. Anyways, this Beatles cover appears on the 2006 comp, Butchering the Beatles.

Pat Benatar and her very Metal pants.

Pat Benatar: Helter Skelter

Helter Skelter is pretty much every Metal-Heads favorite Beatles song. Why? Because the original is pretty fucking Metal, that’s why. And while your first head-banging instinct might be to reach for the Crue on this one, Benatar’s version of Helter Skelter blows Motley’s right out of the boys room.

Foetus, 1990.

Foetus: I Am The Walrus

Foetus, or J.G. Thirlwell recorded Walrus on the 1996 all cover Foetus record, Boil. I know that calling Foetus “Metal” is a stretch, but I’m limber and drunk enough to reach that far right now. Thirlwell’s latest work, a modern sculpture called Narcissum Escenda, is currently on display at the Fargfabriken Museum in Sweden.

Helloween and their friend Jack…

Helloween: All My Lovin’

Helloween is one of my all-time favorite Metal bands. Helloween recorded All My Lovin’ on their 1999 release Metal Jukebox.

Soundgarden, 1987. Whoa.

Soundgarden: Come Together

Soundgarden’s cover of Come Together appears on the bands 1990 10″,Hands All Over. It’s really dark and really loud which means it is totally Metal.

Whitesnake, 1978.

Whitesnake: Day Tripper

I had something really awesome to say about Whitesnake, but I was distracted by David Coverdale’s dazzling belt buckle. What’s great about this video from 1978 (not 1987) is that it will remind you that Whitesnake was not just some Metal band from the 80’s that made videos with Tawney Kitaen. This version of Day Tripper is awesomely Metal-esque with a delicious side of Frampton. Take that Nickelback.

Godhead. Metal Beatles fans dress in black.

Godhead: Elenor Rigby

If you watched MTV at all in the late 90’s, you saw the video Godhead did for Elenor Rigby. MTV used to play videos, remember? Anyways, you can find this very Metal cover on Godhead’s 1997’s release, Power Tool Stigmata.

Ted Nugent for Tiger Beat.

Ted Nugent: I Want to Tell You

Which brings us to The Nuge. I don’t know if the turkey shooting, buffalo-ball eating Nuge of today would necessarily approve of this photo now. But it does remind me of one thing. I never liked Ted Nugent. But that’s besides the point of this post. Ted covered the Beatles and Ted Nugent falls into the Metal musical category. The End.

Sorry for the lack of posts lately but Cherrybomb was in rehab over the long weekend. Lucky for Cherrybomb and you and the good folks at Grey Goose, I’m finally back to my regularly scheduled drinking and blogging schedule. Look for the return of GTFO and a birthday wish for my girl, Wendy Orlean later on this week.

Joshua Hoffine, Face, May, 2008. Hoffine’s daughter Chloe, far right.

…I’m joking of course. Even though Hoffine often uses his own daughters (he has four) as subjects in his photos. Hoffine’s latest photograph entitled FACE (above), is an homage to horror royalty, Asia Argento. Asia is the daughter of Italian splatter master, Dario Argento.

Asia Argento. “Who the fuck is Angelina Joile?”…

Actually, Joshua Hoffine and Dario Argento have more in common besides their love for blood, as both have used their kids in the name of art. Although Argento seems to have no problem slashing his daughter’s nude body to bits on screen, Hoffine is quick to point out that he only photographs his kids on closed, empty sets. Man, I wish Joshua Hoffine was my Dad. Although my Dad gave me my first Black Sabbath record, which makes Cherrybomb’s Dad and Joshua Hoffine of equal coolness, in my book.

Speaking of coolness, Asia Argento has once again starred in another one of her Dad’s movies. 2007’s, Mother of Tears will run in Seattle for one week starting July 4th, at the Varsity.

Joshua Hoffine, Refrigerator, from the After Dark, My Sweet Series.

Hoffine is currently in the process of making a movie called Black Lullaby. Natch, right? You check out the rest of Hoffine’s photos here. Although you might want to leave the lights on…

Orson Wells says “No, I’m not drunk and who the fuck is Jack White?”

Orson Wells was the clear product of too much free Paul Masson pre-funk from the looks of this Youtube video. And don’t act like this could never happen to you. I mean, you go to shoot a commercial for Paul Masson and end up out of your mind on free party liquids by take one. I know that’s what Cherrybomb would do. And, although I’m not drunk right now (as far as I know), watching Orson Wells hammered out of his mind while shilling Paul Masson Champy totally gave me the bed spins.

Okay, you got me. Of course Cherrybom is drunk. It’s WEDNESDAY. But back to my point, Wells’ was an indisputable, cinematic genius who enjoyed his drink and smoking cigars. Sounds like my kind of man. But Cherrybomb’s turn-on’s are also not the point of this post. The point of this post is that this video is 1:40 of “don’t let that dude drive home” vintage goodness. Cheers!

Thanks to Freddy Pants for the link…

Joey Ramone would have turned 58 today…

…and if you’re in New York, get over to the Fillmore for the 6th Annual Joey Ramone Birthday Bash. This year features performances by Richard Lloyd of Television, and Shangri La’s great Mary Weiss. Like all punk-minded people, Cherrybomb is a huge fan of Joey Ramone. But there are others that take their hero-worship of Joey to the next level. Let’s start with the “you better love me forever” love stamp, the Joey Ramone tattoo…:

A Joey Ramone tattoo is forever…

You might have seen this tattoo before and, while the lighting isn’t so great, the tattoo itself is pretty boss.

Joey Ramone Gabba-Gabba HEY tattoo.

The box on the picture of this tattoo is around a mole that became Joey’s nipple. I don’t know if that was planned, but what the hell.

Joey Ramone Angel wing tattoo.

I know it’s hard to focus on the tattoo in this picture. Even though it’s huge. In 2007, Doc Martens lost their minds and launched an unauthorized ad-campaign featuring Joey, who was Jewish, in an angelic, Heaven like setting in a white robe.

Another Joey Ramone tattoo with wings…

People and practitioners of the Jewish faith subscribe to rather non-specific, individual concepts regarding the afterlife. That makes the Joey with wings tattoo an inky interpretation of our dearly departed Joey, as well as a deeply personal tribute.

Homemade Joey Ramone doll. Now that’s love…

Lastly, here is a handmade, knitted, Joey Ramone doll. You can get the pattern from the book Stitch and Bitch Nation. Googling “knitted Joey Ramone doll“ will get you some funny stuff. Check it out…

In other birthday news, Cherrybomb wants to take this opportunity to say Happy Birthday the last of the rock ‘n’ roll motherfuckers, my good friend, Sleazegrinder. It’s more than fitting that a true maverick like Sleaze shares the same birthday as Joey Ramone. Happy Birthday baby, see you soon.

Today is also the birthday of Cherrybomb’s contributing ranter, and drinking Buddie, Angry Fucking Johnny. Happy Birthday to you AFJ. I hope all your tequila shots go into your mouth via boob or bellybutton.

Don’t I wish Saturday was May 16th…

I think the best news I got this week was that Prince is playing Bumbershoot in Seattle this year. Which made it difficult for any other news this week to be important to me. Except for John Edwards endorsing Obama. Which makes me bring up an erroneous point for this post. If you are an American Citizen, are over the age of 18 and you don’t vote, you are a complete douchebag. You know who you are.

Man, I need a drink and I need to Get The Fuck Out, precisely in that order. How about you…?

Friday, May 16th:

Reggie Watts, the other Human Beat Box…

Reggie Watts
The Triple Door (second show on Saturday)

Screw being a triple threat, Reggie Watts is at least a 10 on the richter scale. If you’ve seen Maktub live, you know what I’m talking about. But then again, everything Watt’s does is pretty mind-blowing. On May 30th, Watt’s shares the stage with the equally mind-expanding, Apes & Androids at The Bowery. Lastly, since I still have The Stroke on the mind from earlier this week, here’s Watt’s waxing-off about, Blow jobs. I think that’s it. Blow job. Okay, I’m done.

Hairbangers Ball. Come on and feel the Illinois…

Hairbangers Ball
Durty Nellie’s (Chicago)
Speaking of blow-jobs, the ensemble known as Hairbangers Ball (Chicago) will be at a place called Durty Nellie’s tonight. And since I can’t stop laughing at their Myspace Bio, I thought I would share. Why should I have all the fun? Anyways, HB vocalist, Tyler Steven looks way more like Brett Michaels so I’m deducting douche-points for that. I mean adding douche-points, sorry. And since I rarely stop jawing about Aerosmith, the A-Smith cover band, Draw the Line, will also perform tonight at Mardi Gras in Rhode Island. And unlike HB’s Tyler Steven, DTL’s vocalist Neill Byrnes is a ringer for Tyler.

Saturday, May 17th:

Thee Emergency, Operation Bright Pink. Solid is out now.

Thee Emergency (CD Release)
The Hands
King Cobra
A whole month of Thee Emergency and a Saturday night with Hands other than my own? Yes, please. Besides, pink was always my lucky number.

Jared Clifton can FLY…

Jared Clifton
The Shanty Tavern
Jared Clifton within stumbling distance of Cherrybomb? I like the odds on this one. Whatever that means…

Bug Nasties and Autolite Strike, The Comet, May 18th.

Bug Nasties
Autolite Strike
The Comet

Monday, May 19th:

Langhorne Slim and his war drum…

Langhorne Slim
The Tractor Tavern
I loved Slim’s EP from 2006, The Engine, to death. Especially the single, Honeypie. The new Langhorne Slim, When the Sun’s Gone Down, sounds a lot like Honeypie. Which means, unless you’re dead, it’ll make you move. Bluegrass from Brooklyn? Sure it could happen. And in the case of Langhorne Slim, it did…

Looking Ahead:

Heavy Metal Harmonica strap-on…

Heavy Metal Harmonica IS Nicky Shane. Nicky Shane is also the proud owner the harmonica tool belt  (emphasis on the word tool) above. Nicky Shane can play the harmonica faster than anyone else in the world according to The Guinness Book of World Records.

Shane is also the only person to ever hold the title of worlds fastest Harmonica player. It’s lonely at the top…

Something tells me that Steven Tyler, who launched his own line of harmonica’s last year, was out of town when Guinness came knocking on Nicky’s door. Anyways, on Friday, May 23, Nicky Shane and his heavy metal harmonica play the Ventura Theater, Ventura California. If you can’t make it out to Ventura, check out the amazing video for Heavy Metal Harmonica. Of course, by amazing I mean amazinging bad. Dang…

By the cautionary words of Professor Griff, Ventura, you have been warned…

Juliette of The Licks proves the bad girls always get to wear the best outfits…

Juliette and the Licks at the San Francisco Oyster Fest. Yup. That’s about right. Chuck Prophet is also on the bill.

Now Get The Fuck Out already. It’s totally time for Pie…

Mickey Rourke and Macy Gray hanging out on Monday at the High Times, I mean the 944 Magazine party in Miami.

What could these two possibly have to say to each other? Wait, I bet it went something like this…:

Macy Gray: I’m sorry dude, I’m gonna say it again. I don’t know who you are but you are definitely NOT Mickey Rourke.

Mickey Rourke: I am so Mickey Rourke. Look into my eyes. Only Mickey Rourke has these eyes.

Macy Gray: Why do all the crazies got to end up all in my grill? I should have stayed home and did bong hits with Snoop.

Mickey Rourke: Come on Macy. We did the movie Domino together. Remember that? I mean, Dabney Coleman was in Domino too. Dabney’s like the best, man…those were good times. Hey, you got a light for this? I think it went out.

Macy Gray: I did a movie with Dabney Coleman? THE Dabney Coleman? Was it good?

Mickey Rourke: No.

Macy Gray: Did you actually see the movie Domino?

Mickey Rourke: No. But I was in it. With you. You know, me, Mickey Rourke.

Macy Gray: Listen Dude, I don’t know who you are or how you got into this party AND I might be stoned out of my gourd, but you are NOT Mickey Rourke. I mean, I know what Mickey Rourke looks like ’cause I did a movie with him called Domino. Wait a minute…what is that thing on your head?

Mickey Rourke: Okay Macy, it’s been good talking to you. I just saw Benicio Del Toro and I think he’s been trying to avoid me for some reason…

Billy Squire, Stroke Me indeed, 1983. Billy Squire turns 58 today.

Okay, here’s the truth. Cherrybomb loves Billy Squire. My thoughts are often consumed with visions of an all-star Squire compilation that would naturally include the following musicians:

Prince takes on Squire’s musical calling card, The Stroke. Even though ex-Faith No More vocalist, Mike Patton & Mr. Bungle, used to do a nutty-good cover of The Stroke live.

Cheap Trick would get to trick out “Lonely is the Night“.

Leonard Cohen would turn “My Kind of Lover” inside-out. Which would leave Elvis Costello to take on “Everybody Wants You” and inevetibly make it his own.

And what about Cherrybomb’s favorite Squire song, “Whadda’ Ya’ Want from Me?” That would naturally be redone by Squier’s hometown brothers, Aerosmith. Your virtual nod of total agreement is all I need.

Ian Dury. Who the fuck is David Johansen?

Here’s the second thing. Cherrybomb loves Ian Dury. Bitch was brilliant. This is gonna be a tough match. For me anyway. The Squire vs Dury birthday brawl is on…

Weirder Piece of Memorabilia

Billy Squire Banana. Thrown into audience at the Freddy Mercury Tribute, NY, 1998

Billy Squire allegedly signed this Banana and threw it into the crowd while performing at the Freddy Mercury Tribute Show in New York in 1998. The banana was caught by Charlie, Billy’s #1 fan, which seems about right. You’ll never listen to The Stroke again and not think about this banana. Although, saying that you never thought about a banana while listening to The Stroke is hard to believe. For sure, you thought about bananas when watching the video for The Stroke. Don’t lie. Cherrybomb can hear you lying. Did you know that lying makes look fat? It’s true.

No New Boots or Panties for Ian Dury & The Blockheads…

I was really hoping to come across some used, obscure promotional panties that might have been made in honor of Dury & The Blockheads 1977 record, New Boots and Panties, but no dice. Here’s some Peanuts underwear instead. Hey, it says Blockhead. That’s close enough.

Advantage: Squire. A Banana in the pants beats the panties off everything. Every time.

Best Album Cover

Billy Squire, Emotions in Motion, 1982. Cover art by Andy Warhol

I’ll bet you one hundred dollars that you didn’t know Warhol did this album cover. I mean, I’d bet a Franklin, if I actually had a spare Franklin. Anyways, Andy knew Billy rocked, which totally drives home Cherrybomb’s point. Billy Squire resides on the cool side of the rock and roll fence. The Squire will not be denied!

Ian Dury, Mr. Lovepants, 1997. Cover art by Storm Thorgerson.

Storm Thorgerson is the man responsible for the artwork on Floyd’s Dark Side record. Thorgersen also did the cover for The Catherine Wheel’s 1993 record, Chrome.

Advantage: Squire. Even though I love The Catherine Wheel, I hate Pink Floyd.

Sexier Song That is Probably About Sex:

Billy Squire. King of The Stroke.

I’m positive that The Stroke is about sex. If it’s not, I will eat Billy Squire’s autographed banana. And I hate bananas.

Ian Dury and his Rhythm Stick. Photo by Tom Sheehan.

I actually don’t know what Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick is about, but it’s probably about sex. Although, strangely, Rhythm Stick’s lyrics contain the words “I love you” many times in French and German. Making it possible that HMWYRS is about something, other than sex. Because sex has nothing to do with love. Even Cherrybomb knows that.

Advantage: Dury. Songs about Rhythm Sticks turn Cherrybomb’s crank.

Better Movie Role:

Ian Dury, Middleton’s Changeling, 1998.

By some accounts, the film adaptation of Thomas Middleton’s tragic play, The Changeling, was really horrible. Still, the idea of Ian Dury playing Middleton’s murderous character, De Flores (above) works for me. Dury gets extra Cherrybomb points for looking excellent while splattered in blood.

Jeff Spicoli and his bagel in Fast Times at Ridgemont Hight. Not Billy Squire.

Billy Squire contributed what was easily the best and most memorable song on the Fast Times soundtrack, Fast Times, The Best Years of Our Lives. Technically, Squire does not appear in the flick, but I’m using it anyway. Cherrybomb’s blog, Cherrybomb’s rules.

Advantage: Dury. Splatter beats Stoner every time. Besides, the Fast Times reference was really a stretch.

Current Respitory Status:

Ian Dury. Dead. Not sleepy.

Dury would have turned 65 today. He lost his long battle with Cancer in 2000, at the age of 57. May he rest in peace. All us cool kids miss you…

Billy Squire, Vegas, 2006. Really.

Billy Squire is very much alive, living in New York (Upper West Side yo…) and currently touring with Ringo Starr.

Advantage: Squire. But I’m deducting Cherrybomb points for the Ringo factor.

So no big surprise here, but it’s Billy Squire for the win in the latest Cherrybomb birthday brawl. Bring on the hate mail. I live for that shit.

Peter Beste – Koldbrann, Oslo – 2007

Peter Beste has spent the last eight years deeply entrenched in Norway’s Black Metal scene. Beste is set to publish his book of photographs from his eight year odyssey, True Norwegian Black Metal, on May 15th through Vice Books. An exhibition of dozens of photographs from from TNBM opened at the Steven Kasher Gallery in New York today, May 9th. The show runs through June 7th.

Peter Beste – Enzifer of Urgehal at an abandoned mental hospital outside Oslo

To most, it might seem that Beste is trying hard not to clear up any misconceptions about Black Metal with his photographs. In fact, many of the photos, like the one of Enzifer above, do much to perpetuate the notion that Norway is on the verge of total Societal collapse by way of corpsepainted, bloodthirsty church burners.

In truth, Beste’s photographs somehow manage to convey Black Metal’s Pagan connection to nature, as in his photograph of King from Gorgoroth (below).

King of Gorgoroth

For more on the true story of Black Metal, watch the VBS TV five-part doc, True Norwegian Black Metal. Gorgoroth plays the Castle Festival with Judas Priest in Belgrade, in July.

Beste’s next book, due out in 2009, focuses on his hometown of Houston, Texas, and Houston’s Rap culture. Like the photos from True, Beste brings yet another world, little-known to outsiders, into your living room. You might think it’s a 360 for Beste, but it isn’t.

UFO at El Corazon, Wednesday, May 7th 2008. Phil Moog and Vinnie Moore in the upper right. I swear to God.

Holy fire hazard! Cherrybomb was at El Corazon last night, fearing for her sort-of young life, all in the name of Phil Moog. UFO fiend Mike McCready and his Flight to Mars men Paul Passarelli & Tim DiJulio also made the scene. Anyways, it was a sweet, intimate, beyond club capacity show. Pretty standard stuff for El Corazon. But Cherrybomb isn’t complaining. It was worth the $25 duckets to watch nearly all of the show from the safety El Corazon’s big screen in the bar. Near the exit.

If UFO comes your way, go see them. You might die, but let’s face it. You might eat it crossing the street. Besides, sooner or later, we’re all gonna die. Going out in an overcrowded, vintage rock club in the presence of Phil Moog and the Shreadhead guitar solo greatness of Vinnie Moore (who’s been with the band since 2005) is one of the steps to the Stairway to Heaven. I’m sure of it.

Vinnie Moore. Still has the hair and the chops…

UFO’s latest record, Monkey Puzzle is some kind of alright and the material from the 2006 release translated great live. Especially the cut “Hard Being Me“. The band also turned out all their vintage, rock hard nuggets too, including a 20 minute version of “Rock Bottom” that included a balls-out guitar solo from Moore. Moog, who somehow turned 60 last month, looks and sounds better than vocalist’s half his age. Take that Nickelback…

UFO plays the Rocklahoma Festival on July 13th.

Wendy O and Cherrybomb’s favorite car of all time. The Mustang Mach 1

Oh man. Two of my favorite things. Wendy O, a Vintage Mustang Mach 1 and the weekend. Wait a minute…uh never mind, that’s right. Cherrybomb might can’t count, but I can order a vodka rocks in like five different languages.

Useless Cherrybomb talent number 64…

Wednesday, May 7th:

No Visa mean no UFO with Pete Way, dang it.
UFO
El Corazon
Mike McCready’s UFO trib, Flight to Mars just rocked the Box last weekend, and now the real deal is invading Seattle. Even though Pete Way won’t make it to Seattle, Cherrybomb’s ticket to this show is still too hot to handle. Rob De Luca of Spread Eagle will be filling in for Pete, which is cool because the name Rob De Luca reminded Cherrybomb that Spread Eagle was pretty fucking great. Take that Nickelback…

Thursday, May 8th:

Lesli Wood of Ms. Led and her sweet Les Paul…

Ms. Led
The Sunset
Ms. Led. Yes, please.

Friday, May 9th:

Common Market. The Black Patch War EP drops on Thursday, May 8th.

Common Market (EP release)
D. Black
Vera Project
Simply stated, one of the best Hip-Hop acts Seattle has to offer. Cherrybomb highly recommends this show. Download Connect For right now and let it live on your iPod, just like it does on Cherrybomb’s.

The Staxx Brothers have the most awesome show fliers…
The Staxx Brothers
Nectar
I love TSB. Maybe the fact that I’ve been listening to the Chi-Lites, The Impressions and The Roots a lot lately might be reinforcing that feeling, but what the hell. The fact that I have yet to see Staxx live is your chance to one-up Cherrybomb. It’s a safe be that Staxx will slay you. Busy screwing some nameless forget-me-not on Friday? Look for The Staxx Brothers later this year when they play Bumbershoot.

Saturday, May 10th:

Cherry Comics #15 by Larry Welz

Cherrybomb has always loved comics. Did you know Cherry’s (formerly Cherry Pop Tart above) favorite rock star is Steven Tyler? Makes sense, right? While Tyler should be everyone’s favorite rock idol, Cherrybomb is unashamed of her Tyler adoration. Anyways, let’s get back to the point.The Emerald City Comicon is back in Seattle again on Saturday, May 10th, and Sunday, May 11th. Suicide Girls will also be there this year. Suicide Girls have names like Binx and Vice . Some of the Suicide Girls say they are artists or writers by trade. Others confess to being professional full time cunts. Just like Cherrybomb.

Honesty is always the best policy…

The Ruby Doe play a third round of Rock and Roll Dumpster Diving…

The Ruby Doe
Comet Tavern
Ruby Doe at The Vomit, I mean The Comet. Wait a minute, uh, I was right the first time. Cherrybomb is totally there. Vomit and all…

Dita Vox owns The Funhouse bar. Photo by Cherrybomb

Thee Emergency (CD Release)
Wild Orchid Children
The Whore Moans
The Funhouse
Holy Hellgate. This bill is completely out of fucking control. The self-described Gonzo Soul Music of Wild Orchid Children is pretty much that. Gonzo. For some reason, they remind me of the plugged-in version of the Beastie Boys, which is a good thing. Look for WOC at Noise for the Needy in June, and The Blue Moon in July.

Sunday, March 11th:

The Freakouts have nice gear…

The Freakouts
The Funhouse
The Freakouts are Cherrybomb’s new favorite band. This statement alone is more than you need to get your hungover ass to The Funhouse early (4:00!) on Sunday. I mean, what were you gonna do, visit your mother? Call FTD and tell Mommy you fell down the stairs. Besides, The Funhouse’s Bloody mix makes a sweet, sweet hangover recovery called Red Beer. Cherrybomb will never steer you wrong when it comes to party liquids. I’d rather drink from the dirty, plastic shrine of Pepe Lopez than do that. Whatever you do, if Pepe asks you to come on in and introduce yourself, just say something like “Dios Mio, La Migra,” really loud. Pepe ain’t worth kissing for the porcelain god, despite the vessels’ cool, white inviting appearance. Remember, your ASS goes there. Not your mouth. Just say no to the bottom shelf.

Looking Ahead:

Peter Murphy. Yoga for Goths…

Peter Murphy will be at the Box on Friday, May 30th. It’s common knowledge that great voices only get better with age, and Murphy’s stand-alone vocals are no exception to this rule. Cherrybomb fully expects at least a 10 minute version of Dark Entries and a 30 minute version of Bella Legosi’s Dead. Murphy will also perform highlights from his dense solo career. Some of the highlights of Murphy’s goth idol, solo sojourn can be found on the 2000 comp, Wild Birds .

Mike Ness makes Cherrybomb feel all tingly…

I’m pretty sure Mike Ness is trying to give Cherrybomb a heart attack. If my calculations are correct, Ness just celebrated his 46th birthday last month. How can one man look and sound so good? It just ain’t right. Anyways, Mike Ness, his excellent hair, and his BAND will be at The Showbox on Wednesday, July 9th (all ages) and Thursday, July 10th (21+). Ness and his Band will also visit New York, Chicago and The Crystal Ballroom in Oregon during June and July.

Nick Cave. Life on the road looks like fun…

Lastly, if you haven’t heard already, Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds will be in Seattle at the Box on Tuesday, September 23rd. Rumor has it that a second show will also be added for Wednesday, September 24th. I don’t mind saying that I am the proud owner of one rather expensive – but worth every penny – ticket to the September 23rd show. Cave’s new record, Dig, Lazarus, DIG!!! is being called one of the best of a young 2008. And Cherrybomb agrees.

Now Get The Fuck Out already…

Thanks to the RDK and LP for making GTFO happen this week…

Shawn Barber – Portrait of artist Tara McPherson oil on canvas – 2005

Shawn Barber has been chronicling tattoo culture by way of his paintbrush for nearly ten years. Barbers’ second book, the 250 page “Forever & Ever” came out in March. Like his first book, Tattooed Portraits, Forever and Ever showcases Barber’s impressive impressions of tattoo culture while going deep into the history and mechanics of getting inked. Barber, who credits Spanish painter Diego Velazquez as an early inspiration, started drawing art on real people himself in 2006.

Shawn Barber. Ink on skin (unfinished) 2008.

As you can see, Barbers’ gotten pretty good at that too.

Shawn Barber – Portrait of artist Paul Booth oil on canvas – 2006

The Velazquez influence is evident in his portrait of hardcore tattoo artist, Paul Booth (above). Barber’s group stint at Paul Booth’s Last Rites Gallery in New York ended in April but you can catch Barber solo this Summer in California with shows at Billy Shire Fine Arts in Culver City in July and San Fransisco’s The Shooting Gallery in August.

Shawn Barber – Portrait of then Sixx-less artist Kat von D oil on canvas – 2006

Original works by Barber can fetch in upwards of $5000. Check out Barber’s official site for more. Some of it’s NSFW but that’s only bad news if you have a job.

Steven Tyler at Cochella being uh, Steven Tyler…

This photo of Steven Tyler at Cochella last weekend is exactly how Cherrybomb feels today as the new and improved and possibly bionic Cherrybombed.com came back online. Thanks for sticking around while we were gone and I hope you like the new site. Many thanks to the heroic coding power of the Red Davey Kid for making it possible. More later. That champy ain’t gonna drink itself.

Besides, it’s noon somewhere right now…