Just wanted to let you all know it shouldn’t be too much longer until Cherrybombed.com is back up and running. It’s gonna have a new look and feel, just in time for the Cherrybombed.com One Year Anniversary on May 7th.

But since that’s still a ways off, I wanted to be sure you knew were are coming back totally Bionic. We have the technology to make Cherrybombed.com better than it was before before. Faster. Stronger. Drunker. Trust me. Especially on that last one.

And since I’m feeling snarky today, here’s the video to Scarlett Johansson’s new song, Falling Down. No need to thank me on this one. Your virtual disbelief at it’s tone-deaf awfulness, is enough for me. To make up for making you listen to that, here’s a picture of a mostly topless Scarlett in tube socks and hot pants .

Lastly, if you’re smart like Cherrybomb, you’ll be at The Sunset on Sunday for “Sunday Bloody Sunday”.

See you soon…

You’ve probably noticed that Cherrybombed.com has been experiencing some downtime lately. Anyways, we’re getting ready to move to a new server as the piece of shit server we are on now is truly a piece of shit. More soon so stay tuned.

Wendy O Williams and The Plasmatics meet Leif Garrett.

Wow. I never noticed that Leif Garrett was cross-eyed. That’s crazy.

Thursday, April 24th:

DJ & The Bear love the 80’s…

Songs You Hate To Love with DJ & The Bear (80’s and New Wave)
Lava Lounge
Did you know Greg Evigan was in Playgirl? Like three times? Although I couldn’t find my copy of Greg and his 1989 Playgirl appearance, I did find my copy of Playgirl with Brad Pitt. Horny for an 80’s icon crisis averted. Looking for something with a little more substance? Wicked and Wild with Soul One with Johnny Horn are also at the War Room tonight. Cherrybomb can personally attest that Johnny Horn spins the #1 Hangover Show on KEXP on Sundays and his musical roots run as deep as the Delta itself.

Friday, April 25th:

Gun That Shoots Knives Makes A Rainbow in the Dark…

A Gun That Shoots Knives
H is For Hellgate
Blue Moon Tavern

Grynch at the High Dive – February 2008

Cancer Rising
Grynch
Hell’s Kitchen
Someone said to me a few months back that Grynch was gonna blow up. Well KABOOM! already.

Saturday, April 26th:

DJ Lance Rock
The Whisky
DJ Lance Rock is back at The Whisky, and it’s worth your best Saturday night drinking ears. If Lance Rock is back at the Whisky…it must be Raining Blood. Man, I love Seattle.

Buttrock Suites. Zombie stripper eyes can see you in the dark…

Buttrock Suites
Neumo’s
If you haven’t see Buttrock yet, Saturday at Neumo’s is the perfect opportunity to correct the lack of Metal and spandex in your life.

The Coloffs Rock…

The Coloffs
The Monkey Pub
Cherrybomb loves The Monkey. It’s local. It’s dirty. The Monkey’s jukebox was once the best in Seattle, and it still has great taps. And that’s saying something. I’ll also go out on a nice thick limb and say The Coloffs rule in the best possible Garage way. Oh Yeah, I’m Right. About The Coloffs and The Monkey, anyways…

The Whore Moans. Neumo’s – Photo by Cherrybomb.

The Whore Moans
The Hands
The Wildrose
The Whore Moans + The Hands = The Whore Hands. Not to be missed.

Looking Ahead:

Anita Ekberg in La Dolce Vita – Frederico Fellini 1960

The Duel of the Cool and Italian cinema is invading Seattle and the NW Film Forum. Fellini’s La Dolce Vita, starring a young Anita Ekberg (above) plays for two nights on April 29th. The series features a young Marcello Mastroianni, who was lucky enough to play boy to Ekberg’s girl in La Dolce. Bellissimo…

Young Frankenstein. Seven was also Cherrybomb’s lucky number…

Young Frankenstein plays at the Central Cinema April 30th – May 4th. I can’t think of a better way to spend a Saturday night.

Dock Boggs. One of R. Crumb’s Heros.

Roots and Branches: American Music on Screen will play one night at the NW Film Forum May 8th. The film features images of musical Americana from the 20’s and 30’s, like Dock Boggs (above). It seems a bit like R. Crumb’s book, Heros of Blues, Jazz and Country come to life. Besides, don’t you want to know where your Roots come from?

Oceansize. Beyond prog-rock.

On April 15th, while you were telling the tax man some sob story, Oceansize was rocking the shit out of Munich. The tour runs through July with 12 more stops include Liverpool, Switzerland and Germany. All this noisy prog-madness leads up to the band’s 10th Anniversary in October. Oceansize will celebrate by playing 3 sold-out nights in Manchester. Each night, the band will play one of their three records, Effloresce (Cherrybomb’s personal favorite), E.I.P and Frames, in it’s entirety. Oceansize sums the event up pretty well via their web site:

Three albums. Three Nights. Three Hangovers.

Rapper’s Delight. Cherrybomb’s Private Collection

So I guess it seems logical that the Sugerhill Gang is playing in London on May 24th, right? Although, I’m pretty sure that London isn’t driving distance from Seattle. I should probably check into that because if it is, that means we got a ROADTRIP! Anyways, the original lineup of Sugarhill is playing the last stop on the Bestival Tour, with the awesome ambiance that is Ulrich Schnauss. While it’s not the first time since ‘79, it’s still a chance for you to see the group that built the house that Rap lives in.

Take that, Nickleback.

Beth Gibbons of Portishead.

Lastly, you can stream the new Portishead, Third, on Last FM. And you totally should, because the bone-rattling power of “Machine Gun” is only one of the highlights on Portishead’s first record in eight years.

Now Get The Fuck Out, already. And thanks to my Wicked Man in the East, Sleazegrinder, for the super-ex, Wendy O photo.

Iggy Pop destroys his copy of Love Cats just for fun…

You know, I wasn’t going to do this birthday brawl, since it just didn’t seem fair. I’m sure the same thought occurred to you when reading the title of the post. Don’t worry, though. Robert Smith (who turns 49 today) is a lot tougher than his red lipstick and love-struck-lyrics would lead you to believe. Trust me. The Iggy Pop vs. Robert Smith birthday brawl is on…:

Robert Smith loves foreplay…

Hotter Song Lyrics that are probably about Sex:

Robert Smith: Sex Eye Makeup.

You can find Sex Eye Makeup on Smith’s 1983 side-project The Glove and their only release, Blue Sunshine. The Glove is the collaboration of Smith and Steve Severin of Siouxsie and the Banshees. Ever the poet, Smith’s Sex Eye Makeup is one sexy curve-ball of confusion. Take your teeth out for this one, indeed…:

I think that I’m Jazzy like Christ
one more cigarette and the car burns slow
burning like the body Waiting at home
throw out your teeth and call all your friends
someone coughing took away my breath
inches of glass all shiny and new screaming laughing-
fucks me to death one more boy full of writing white mice

Microphone stand penetration by Iggy Pop

Iggy: Penetration.

Penetration is from the 1973 Stooge classic, Raw Power. I’m pretty sure Penetration is about sex. Okay, I’m totally sure it’s about sex. Why? I’ll let Iggy explain that by way of Penetration’s straight forward hither-come-fuck me lyrics:

I feel fine, every time, penetration. Penetration. Penetration. Penetration. Penetration.

Advantage: Iggy. Iggy does not fuck around when writing songs about fucking around.

More Bizarre Cover:

Robert Smith. Closet Hendrix enthusiast…

Robert Smith: Jimi Hendrix’s Purple Haze

The Cure originally released their cover of Purple Haze in 1993 on this schizophrenic comp, Stone Free, A Tribute to Jimi Hendrix. The Cure later released the single on the Join the Dots box set. The Cure also recorded a cover of Foxy Lady for the Deluxe Edition reissue of 1973’s Three Imaginary Boys.

Iggy don’t need to stinking cone bra. Lid Magazine number Three…

Iggy: Burning Up (Madonna 1983)

Iggy performed Burning Up with The Stooges at the 2008 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame show at Madonna’s request. Igg then launched into a nutty version of Ray of Light that is so horrible it had to be horrible on purpose. Backstage Iggy runs into Madonna and she pretends like she doesn’t want to stab him in right in his leather face. It’s awesomely awkward.

Advantage: Iggy. Covering Madonna is totally bizarre. Even for Iggy Pop. Pissing Madonna off while doing it? Priceless.

Best TV Moment:

Iggy Pop as Mr. Mecklenberg from the Adventures of Pete and Pete

Iggy: Played the cool sweater wearing Dad, Mr. Mecklenberg on Nickelodeon’s The Adventures of Pete & Pete. The show debuted in 1993 and ran for only three seasons. P&P was totally awesome, featured music from bands like REM, Ministry and Luscious Jackson and random appearances from actor Steve Buscemi and L.L Cool J.

Robert Smith does South Park

Robert Smith got animated for the South Park episode “Robert Smith Saves South Park.” Smith morphs into Smithra (a giant moth) and defeats the evil Mecha-Striesand robot.

Advantage: Robert Smith. Because like Cartman says, “Robert Smith KICKS ASS.”

Nastier Rumor:

Robert Smith: Who the fuck is Ashley Simpson?

Smith: Back in 2007 webzines and blogs went wild reporting that Smith was collaborating with Ashlee Simpson on her new record.

Iggy Pop. Clap Queen…

Iggy: Nico (or Christa Paffgen a Warhol muse who performed with The Velvet Underground) gave Iggy the clap.

Advantage: Smith. Even though the rumor was completely false, the thought of Robert Smith collaborating with any Simpson other than Ashford’s Simpson, thoroughly freaks me out. Besides, Nico really did give Iggy the clap per Iggy’s own, graphic admission in the book Please Kill Me.

Current Respiratory Status:

Iggy Pop. 100% punk rock.

Iggy: 61 and still 0% body fat.

Robert Smith. Still Hot, Hot, Hot…

Smith: Robert Smith does not age.

Advantage: Iggy. Come on. You didn’t think Robert Smith was really gonna win this one did you?

Snoop Dogg channels German singer Roy Black

And since today actually is 420, let’s all take a bong break, and enjoy this German cell phone commercial featuring Snoop Dogg emerging from a smoking fridge, singing in German. There’s also a couple of hot chicks jumping around in shorts all covered in bubbles. ‘Cause that’s how Snoop rolls yo.

Rauchen Sie sie, wenn Sie sie erhalten haben…

LA Guns – Bitch is Back. Well, sort of…

Cherrybomb was not only the President of Big Hair Club in the 80’s, she was also a client. The Summer of 08′will bring more 80’s hair bands from out of the cellar than you bang your head at. Anyways, earlier this week I told you about Poison’s Summer tour and now the Aqua Net flood gates have opened wide. So don’t throw out your backstage pants yet.

You’re gonna need ‘em…

Tracii Guns. The other LA Gun…

Tracii Gun’s version of LA Guns (with Paul Black on vox), will be out playing sets of their “Greatest Hits“along with Faster Pussycat and Bang Tango. Bang Tango has continued to dismay Cherrybomb’s ears to the tune of 11 records since the 90’s. You would think that translates to lots of hits but somehow, it doesn’t. Some dates of the tour will include Tesla, Y&T, The Bulletboys and Dokken.

Phil Lewis – The Original Electric Gypsy…

Unfortunately, that version of LA Guns lacks the brilliantly British, LA skeeze of original vocalist Phil Lewis. Lewis still performs and records with his version of LA Guns, but the LA Guns/Pussycat/Bang Tango tour version ain’t it. Sigh. At any rate, Cherrybomb says it’s still worth a whirl for that 80’s boy or girl still in you. And I dig Y&T. Moving on…

Warrant 2008

The original lineup of Warrant will be having a very metal Summer with Cinderella. Warrant vocalist, Jani Lane, is back with the band for the first time since 2004 and his brutal appearance on Season Two of Celebrity Fit Club. Tom Keifer is still in front of Cinderella and all is seemingly right in the land of 1986. And since George Lynch isn’t touring with his old band Dokken, Mr. Scary’s Lynchmob grabbed the opening slot for this 2008/80’s Hairstravaganza tour.

Motley Crue 2008 – Not Bored With the USA but should be…

Motley Crue will also be out this Summer with Crue Fest featuring, uh, Motley Crue and Cherrybomb fave, Buckcherry. I love this banner photo on the Crue website. Tommy is so pretending not to be there and Mick is hiding under the Mad Hatter’s hat. Nikki looks pretty good for a 50 year old Hollywood Vampire, but that’s because he’s boning this chick. And Vince looks like he needs a nap. And a hug. Mick might need a transfusion but I’m no doctor. Mick also might be doing an impersonation of the Tall Man from Phantasm. But I’m no Don Coscarelli either. And that sucks because Don Coscarelli rules.

Crue’s new single “Saints of Los Angeles” (from their forthcoming 2008 record) was released this week via Rock Band. This makes the Crue the first band to release music by way of video game. And just in case you lost your copy of Screaming for Vengeance, starting April 22nd, you can buy it directly from Rock Band. Other vintage releases from The Pixies and The Cars will be added to the Rock Band catalog later this year.

Judas Priest – 2008’s Nostradamus out in June…

Rather see Priest live? You’re in luck. The Heaven and Hell Tour with Judas Priest, Motorhead and Testament, will be hitting the US, Europe and Canada this year. Rob Halford and Priest makes a stop in Seattle on July 22nd at the WaMu Theater.

Def Leppard – 2008. Although it really could be anyone from that distance…

More of a Guitar Hero nerd? Def Leppard will release their new single through Guitar Hero later this year. And in case you’re wondering, Def Leppard has been out on the road since March. The band winds their way to the Heavy Metal haven of Washington State, Spokane, on Wednesday, April 23rd.

Who knew the year of The Ratt was 2008…

As this is in fact the Year of the Rat, Ratt is celebrating the 25th Anniversary of their 1983 EP. It’s might only be six songs, but it totally rocked Cherrybomb’s young world. The band is currently celebrating properly with a four-gig California stomp starting yesterday. Anaheim and San Diego represent.

Kix. 1981 or 2008?

And lastly, Kix will be at Rocklahoma with Cinderella and Warrant this Summer, after playing a gigs in Jersey and NY in early June. I listened to Kix’s Red Lite, Green Lite, TNT today. You might expect someone to lie about something like that. And that’s a shame. Embrace your inner Metal and come out of the cellar already.

Have a very Metal Summer. I know I will…

Wendy O & The Plasmatics – Who the Fuck is Joan Collins?

The title of this post begs the question, what constitutes a Hobo Pleasureboat Tragedy? I’ll tell you what. How about the words “we’re out of MD 20/20” or, “this is a “booze free” Booze Cruise.” Makes sense, right? This is why Cherrybomb never gets on a boat. It’s just too risky.

Thursday, April 17th
Hobo Libido
The Blue Moon

Friday, April 18th:

Helmet – Unsung never sounded so good…

Helmet
The Key Club (Hollywood)
Helmet has always been a Cherrybomb favorite. The band that never stops will be in Europe this June and July playing gigs in Germany and Croatia. How very metal.

Earl Greyhound
Berklee College of Music (Boston)
Damn you to hell, Boston. Why must you be so cold and so far away? Wait…I just had a thought about Mark Knopfler. Okay, it’s gone now. Phew. Anyway, I don’t care what you are or who you’re doin’ on Friday, you need to drop that bitch like she’s hot and get your ass to the dirty boulevard, I mean avenue. Mass Avenue that is…

Pleasureboaters. Rawk on the Lido Deck…

Pleasureboaters
King Cobra
Pleasureboaters just got back from a 30-date tour that started on March 2nd, and ended on April 4th. Do you remember the Bob Seger song “Turn the Page”? Touring is hard and expensive for most of your favorite bands. It’s not all glam with whores waiting outside your tour bus like the 80’s led you to believe. Get out and welcome the official Pleasureboat of Seattle, back to town…

Saturday April 19:

Ficuss does The Central one last time…

Ficuss (last show ever!)
The Central
The boys in the Seattle band Ficuss are calling it quits after a sweet year filled with rock and debauchery, two of my favorite things. It’s sad, but I can’t think of a better place for a band to go out. Be there…

Tragedy – Heavy Metal Saturday Night Fever…

Tragedy – A Metal Tribute to The Bee-Gee’s
Canal Room (NYC)
Hearing Tragedy’s Exodus-like cover of Stayin’ Alive will make you buy a plane ticket to NYC just so you can see them live. If you are already in New York, I recommend you stay there, and see this show. Heavy Metal Disco? Yes, please…

Mr. Fitness of Seattle’s SSP. Be happy the picture is blurry…

SSP Wrestling Annual 420 show
King Cobra

Autolite Strike at The Blue Moon – Photo by Lori Penney

Autolite Strike
The Blue Moon (CD release)
Autolite Strike thinks shopping makes you stupid and ugly. Man, I couldn’t agree more. I hate retail…

Looking Ahead:

Leonard Cohen never went home with his hard-on in his hand.

For the first time in 15 years, one of my favorite Canadians, Leonard Cohen, will be coming at you live. Cohen’s world tour starts on May 11 in Toronto before traveling on to Europe with stops in Copenhagen, Amsterdam and London this summer.

Scott Weiland – Manorexia by way of crack sandwich…

Stone Temple Pilots kick off their summer tour on May 17th in Columbus, Ohigh. Cherrybomb will never forget seeing the band back in the heyday of 1990 at an American Legion Hall on a lake somewhere in Western Massachusetts. Whoever booked that show must have been high, but I’m glad they were. There was barely any security, you could bring booze in, it was Summer and there was a fucking lake within pissing distance. It was perfect.

Weiland Mug Shot – From the Weiland Mug Shot Collection…

Anyways, Weiland got nailed by a bottle about 1/2 way through their set and got all pissy about it. He said to the crowd of drunken, heat-stroked fans, “bring him to ME!” So we do, and Weiland hits the kid with a guitar. In the head. I’m pretty sure that Weiland hasn’t changed much since then. Except for his stunning case of Manorexia. Which means this tour is gonna be great. As long as Weiland can stay out of jail long enough to come to your city. STP plays Seattle at Bumbershoot on August 31st. Maybe.

Poison. It’s still the 80’s somewhere…

In other old Metal news, Poison, a George Lynchless Dokken and Sebastian Bach are also hitting the road together this summer. You have been warned.

Now Get The Fuck OUT…

Chuck and Huck build a Hot Rod for their buddy, Christ…

Man, I miss the good old days of Chuck Norris passing out clam chowder for his pal, Mike Huckabee. The dynamic duo known as Chuckabee, was over before it even began. And while Huck is keeping himself busy with Huck PAC, the Huckabee version of a Political Action Committee (which is really just fancy talk for raising money for the Republican Party), a Chuck-less Huck made me wonder what the hell Chuck Norris has been up to since Huck pulled the Huck and Chuck plug.

Except Cherrybomb knows what Chuck’s been doing. Chuck’s been making a list. He’s been checking it twice. He’s gonna kick your ass if you don’t love Christ. Or roundhouse your ass if you park in a Handicap space…:

Chuck Norris’ Do Not Fuck With Chuck Norris List:

If you look in a mirror and say “Chuck Norris” three times, he will appear and kill your entire family… but at least you get to see Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

A Birthday cake from Chuck means your already dead…

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t fuck with Chuck!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris in his best ass-kicking jeans…

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds till.” After you ask, “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Chuck replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

On that note, I’m gonna go set fire to my closet. On purpose this time. Because guns don’t kill people, Chuck Norris kills people.

We Feel Fine “madness” search…

We Feel Fine was created by Jonathan Harris, a 29 year old Brooklyn native. Harris has won more Webby Awards than you can shake your computer mouse at. And with good reason. Bitch is SMART.

If you’ve never seen We Feel Fine, get ready to be totally freaked. Type in a word that describes how you feel, and We Feel Fine finds people experiencing the same emotions at that very moment. Trippy.

Robin Zander wants you to want me…

Earlier this year, Harris opened his newest creation, I Want You To Want Me, commissioned by the New York Museum of Modern Art. IWYTWM culls data (like turn-on’s, the persons age or favorite busy-time position) from on-line dating services and compiles them, out of context, in it’s database. The data is then played back to viewers as a “mirror” in which they might see a part of themselves. Whoa…

So how are you feeling today…?

Mark E. Smith of The Fall. Squirrel hater.

Mark E. Smith, the vox behind the prolifically awesome band, The Fall, is under investigation by the RSPCA (the UK’s version of the ASPCA) for comments he made about killing endangered red squirrels with his hedge clippers:

“Squirrels mean nothing to me. I killed a couple last weekend actually. They were eating my garden fence,” Smith told Uncut magazine, although it was unclear whether he had confused the animal with their more prevalent American grey cousins.

The singer, whose group has gone through 50 different members in their career, also said he “wouldn’t have a problem” with people purposefully driving over seagulls in their cars.

Mark E. Smith. Squirrels stole my teefs!

What you have to remember is Mark E. Smith of The Fall (who I swear to god turned 51 not 81 last month. What the hell is in the water in England?) says a lot of crazy things. To say Mark E. Smith is eccentric is like saying Charlton Heston liked guns. To illustrate my point, Smith’s lyrics often reflect his generally gonzo state-of-mind. Like the lyrics from the song, 80’s-90’s off 1986’s Bend Sinister:

“I’m the big-shot original rapper. But now it’s time for me to get off the crapper.”

Or how about one of Cherrybomb’s favorite Fall lyrics of all time, “HEY THERE FUCKFACE” from The Classical. You can find that one and more jazzed up punk shit on the revered 2005 release Hex Induction Hour. Which, by the way you should own. Fuckface.

John Peel thought John Peel was a cunt, but he loved The Fall…

Smith, while often belligerent, is a completely brilliant performer who has put out 25 records and 50 comps since The Fall originated in early 1977. This Cherrybomb Fall fact is confirmed by the late, great John Peel who referred to the The Fall as his favorite band.

Anyways, it’s like Smith says in Totally Wired, “you don’t have to be American to be strange”…

Wendy and The Plasmatics. Photo by Jerry Rife.

So, uh…WOW. Cherrybomb was working under extreme conditions last night getting this blog ready. There are at least 4 shots of Patron Silver, and a couple of Vodka Sodas flowing through this week’s GTFO. Now that’s brutal. But it also means that I have two jobs: blogger and alcoholic. Wait…blogger and alcoholic are oxymorons. But fuck it…how many jobs you got that let you drink like a hobo under a bridge? Exactly. Now Get The Fuck Out…

Friday, April 11th:

The Avett Brothers get down. Literally…

The Avett Brothers
Neumos
Busy Friday? The Brothers Avett play Neumo’s again on Saturday, 4/12.

Bette Davis, The original Jezebel Queen…

Best Bette
Grand Illusion Cinema
Best Bette celebrates what would have been the 100th birthday of Bette Davis. The Grand is throwing down for Bette in style with showings of All About Eve, The Letter, Jezebel, The Virgin Queen and The Nanny. Best Bette runs through Thursday, April 17th.

Saturday, April 12th

Chan Marshall is Cat Power…

Cat Power
Showbox SoDo
At about Patron shot #2 I stumbled on this photo of Cat Power (aka Chan Marshal). It kind of summed up my state of mind at that precise moment. It also confirms that Cat Power seems to be over the crippling stage fright that kept her from performing a couple years back. Then I took a break because I had an overwhelming need to shave all the hair off my body.

Memphis Radio Kings can FLY!

Suicide Jack
Memphis Radio Kings
The Sunset
At 7:00 pm Shawn Smith, Heath Bauer from the Oswald Effect and vocalist Simone Shook will perform for free. You and your ears should verra much be at The Sunset tonight.

Looking Ahead:

Paper Dolls and the punk version of beach blanket bingo. Photo by Lilly Warner.

On April 18th, Paper Dolls, one of my favorite local pretty-punks, are releasing their new record properly. Exclusively on 7 inch vinyl at The Funhouse. This is also good news for the words Record Release as they are finally being used in their correct context. Cherrybomb never misses a chance to get up close and personal with vinyl and Paper Dolls. And neither should you.

Whiskey Tango get down. Literally…

Whiskey Tango has got their tour Kickoff Party on 4/20 at The Comet. The tour hits Austin, Vegas and Salt Lake City. Because Mormon’s love Death Metal with their Whiskey.

Lyrics Born considers Cherrybomb’s latest indecent proposal…

Lyrics Born is back in Seattle on Sunday, April 27 at Neumo’s. I have such a hard, huge crush on Lyrics. There is just something about an MC that makes having it all look so effortless. You can download the new LB single, I Like it, I Love It, from iTunes now. The new Lyrics Born, Everywhere at Once, is out on April 21st. I like it, I love it and want more of it.

Does it Offend you, Yeah? Hell yeahs…

Does it Offend you, Yeah? will be at Neumo’s May 6th. DIOY,Y? also plays the War Child Bene in London on May 29th. I became enthralled with DIOY,Y? after KEXP DJ, Cheryl Waters introduced the band at SXSW this year. Waters’ unapologetic adoration for the band, who didn’t even have a record out at the time, was Cherrybomb’s personal long-distance SXSW highlight. What’s yours…?

Testament May 17th Studio Seven. Billy in the middle. Just how I like him…

Two words. Chuck Billy is the balls. Two more words. Cherrybomb can’t count. Anyways, the band has gone through a bunch of lineup changes but, after beating Cancer, Billy is back on the mic and as brutal as ever. Testament’s first record since 2001, The Formation of Damnation, rocks with the strings of original Testament guitar-slayer, Alex Skolnick. If you don’t own any Testament, Cherrybomb recommends you start with Practice What You Preach. Although, I don’t know of any reasonable explanation you might have as to why your record collection might not include Testament. For sure I would never admit something like that out loud. Chuck might hear you.

Hank III and AssJack. Showbox at the Market. June 1st. Enough said.

Get The Fuck Out already…

Steve Perry. OG Journey vocalist. Not Filipino.

So, you might have heard the story about Journey’s sort of new Filipino vocalist, Arnel Pineda. No? Yeah, I guess I’ve also been mostly ignoring Journey since 1987. And while Cherrybomb’s ability to ignore Journey for almost 20 years isn’t that remarkable, the story of how Arnel Pineda became Journey’s vocalist is. Okay, that story is actually pretty boring too.

Journey guitarist Neil Schon found Pineda on Youtube. Performing Journey covers with his band The Zoo. Sigh…

Arnel Pineda. Discovered on Youtube. Not American Idol…?

Is it just Cherrybomb’s obsession with one of the greatest bands of the 80’s, or does Steve Perry not understand his importance in the world of rock and roll? I’m completely fucking baffled by Perry’s ability to resist his own greatness. I also miss his tight jeans and long 80’s hair, but that’s besides the point. In the world of vocalists that glom off of each other, Perry stands alone, inimitable, like Brad Delph and Freddie Mercury. Case and Perry point is Infinity from 1978, Perry’s first record with Journey. Infinity showcases Perry’s pristine vocals and the record officially put Journey on the road to multi-platinum success.

Steve Perry. Can Cherrybomb pretend to be Oh, Sherrie…?

And, while I was secretly hoping Pineda was a cheap rip off of Steve Perry (who turned 51 in January), he’s got Perry’s soaring, pretty pitch pretty down. Like in this clip from 2006 that features the 40 year old Pinela and his band The Zoo, performing “Faithfully.” The first note out of his mouth is all Perry. And while that’s all good, one indisputable fact remains: a Perry-less Journey is like a good looking chick with a dick. They might look good and sound good, but the happy ending is all wrong.

Robin Zander with Cheap Trick and his pretty Steve Perry hair…

Anyways, the Perry-less Journey, Heart and Cheap F*&$!g Trick hit the road for a herculan size summer tour starting on July 9th. The tour hits pretty much every 80’s nook and cranny that big hair can hide in. Including Seattle, on September 19th at White River. Not to be outdone, a Delph-less Boston hits the road with former Stryper vocalist Michael Sweet on June 6th.

Take that Nickelback…

Cherrybomb’s favorite G’N’ Roller, Izzy Stradlin…

Former G ‘N’ R rhythm guitarist Izzy Stradlin turns 46 today. Cherrybomb’s High School boyfriend looked like Izzy and wore a size 13 shoe. Those were good times. Anyways, Izzy Stradlin wrote Mr. Brownstone, Patience (which went to #4 on Billbored) and the awesome Used to Love Her, (from Lies) which everyone seemed to assume was penned by Axl Rose. In 1989, after taking a piss on an airplane nowhere near the bathroom, Izzy decided to get sober. In ‘91 he officially walked away from Guns. The video for Don’t Cry (from Use Your Illusion) takes a jab at Stradlin’s departure when an image of Stradlin on the back of a milk carton that says “Where’s Izzy?”, flies randomly across the screen.

Ju Ju Hounds play “Where’s Izzy”…

Stradlin formed the Ju Ju Hounds in 1992. The Hounds had a sweet Stones sway and Ron Wood even played on the eponymous release. Stradlin also appeared on Mark Lanegan’s 2004 record, Bubblegum with Gun’s ex-bassist and sometimes Seattlite, Duff McKagen. Izzy released his 8th solo record, Fire in 2007 with former Rev. Horton Heat drummer Taz Bentley directly through iTunes. And unlike most of his former band mates, Izzy’s aged pretty well. Score one for sobriety. Dammit.

Izzy channels his inner Al Pachino

Even though his crazy-excellent Keith Richards hair is gone, I still love my Izzy. Stradlin has also managed to maintain relationships with all the original Gunner’s including the musically reclusive Axl. And while rumors of Rose’s Chinese Democracy are being fueled by Dr. Pepper, the possibility of a G ‘N’ R reunion just might happen. But don’t hold your breath.

Cherrybomb’s ex-boyfriend or Izzy Stradlin? Could they be the same person…?

Happy Birthday Izzy…wherever you are.

Sex Hourglass – Courtesy of Cherrybomb’s Private Collection…

According to a four-week, 1,500 couple study to be published in the May Journal of Sexual Medicine, the median time for sexual intercourse was 7.3 minutes. The women participating in the study, who were armed with stopwatches, concluded that intercourse lasting 1 to 2 minutes was “too short.” And while the two-minute “I swear that’s never happened to me before” miracle might not be enough for most of us, three minutes might be…:

Maybe men had it right all along: It doesn’t take long to satisfy a woman in bed. A survey of sex therapists concluded the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes.

Women armed with stopwatches during sex? Now that’s sexy. Besides, I’m sure the use of stopwatches didn’t create any arbitrary performance anxiety that might have influenced the study’s findings. However, the 7.3 minute sex-romp average didn’t include time dedicated to foreplay. Surprised? Probably not, since most men can’t say the word foreplay without breaking into a “what the hell is foreplay?” sweat.

Vintage foreplay by way of hairbrush…

Cherrybomb thinks the folks at Online Booty Call.com should take the Journal’s study into consideration and update their booty call database in order to ensure the best possible booty call customer experience. These guidelines would be useful when scheduling your next 2:00am, don’t kiss me on the lips, hookup..:

Our booty call should last at least (select one):

A: 3 minutes

B: 7 minutes. Seven’s always been my lucky number.

C: 13 minutes. That way I might actually have an orgasm. Thanks.

D: Until my parents get home.

E: Sting

Have a Tantric Saturday.

…that is if Clear Channel has anything to say about it. Like lots of us, Clear Channel is also feeling uneasy about the $5 Billion XM/Sirius merger that was approved by the Justice Department on Monday. Clear Channel has petitioned the FCC to impose Federally regulated decency laws on XM and Sirius once they merge. Clear Channel, the largest radio broadcasting company in the U.S., views the merger as a major threat to its advertising revenue. Historically, broadcasting entities want as little involvement from the FCC as possible. Clear Channel’s request also marks the first time a broadcasting company has asked the FCC to widen their kung-fu grip on obscenity rules.

While I’m not a fan of Clear Channel, once the XM/Sirius merger is complete, one of the largest private media monopolies will be in business. And that’s good for two people: People who subscribe to XM/Sirius; or people who own stock in either company. To make matters worse, Clear Channel is in the midst of a nearly 20 million dollar acquisition by venture capital giant, Bain, Inc. Bain is a private investment firm once run by Mitt Romney. When that clash of the titans is all said and done, most of what we see and hear will essentially be controlled by two entities, both of them privately owned and funded.

George Carlin: Jailed for saying the word fuck 132,597 times…dirty hippy! Tsk, tsk…

Clear Channel’s request to the FCC, while veiled in the guise of protecting young ears (as stated in HR 3559) from hearing any of the words George Carlin hipped us to in 1972, clearly isn’t about regulating obscenity. However, for the first time in 30 years, the Supreme Court will be reviewing current profanity laws in response to the FCC’s “fleeting expletive” rule. The use of fleeting expletives, or S 1780, which goes to the Senate this year, allows the FCC to fine broadcasters who let an occasional f-bomb fly majestically through the airwaves. The last time the Supreme Court reviewed profanity laws, it was due to a rebroadcast of Carlin’s “Filthy Words” monologue by a radio station in 1978. Here’s an excerpt fom the Hearing syllabus, FCC vs. Pacifica Foundation:

The Commission identified several words that referred to excretory or sexual activities or organs, stated that the repetitive, deliberate use of those words in an afternoon broadcast when children are in the audience was patently offensive, and held that the broadcast was indecent. Pacifica takes issue with the Commission’s definition of indecency, but does not dispute the Commission’s preliminary determination that each of the components of its definition was present.

Which basically means that Pacifica agreed that George Carlin used the words motherfucker and fart in his 12 minute monologue. And that a 12-year-old kid might have heard it in the backseat of his Dad’s car. While his Dad smoked and cursed in the front seat with the windows rolled during the broadcast. At any rate, the 1978 ruling was technically in line with Government Title 18 (the criminal and penal code for the government) specifically addressed by S 1464, which reads:

Whoever utters any obscene, indecent, or profane language by means of radio communication shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than two years, or both.

Neon Fuck sign – the most beautiful thing I have ever fucking seen…

But despite the fact that the Second Circuit Court of Appeals threw the case out and the FCC’s inconsistent enforcement of the fleeting expletive “rule”, the Supreme Court has agreed to examine whether the FCC has the right to fine broadcasters when it comes to the occasional fuck-slip. But that’s still not enough for the FCC. Commissioner Deborah Taylor Tate recently suggested that the Commission should consider whether it has a role to play in regulating indecency in the mobile telephone environment.

Verizon text message about the big ten inch? No problem. Pro-Choice text from NARAL? I totally can’t hear you now, Verizon…

Take the case of Verizon. Verizon doesn’t care if you text the words “cock in your ass” to your girlfriend. Yet. Right now, Verizon is more concerned with blocking Pro-Choice messages from NARAL. Just straight-forward infringement on free speech there. No fuck-bomb needed.

Cherrybomb is officially fucking bored with the FCC. Aren’t you, bitch? Oh, wait. Carlin never used the word bitch…let’s start again. The FCC is a twat without tits. Which makes it good for nothing. Much less, good enough to waste a turd on. I mean, what kind of motherfucker shits and pisses on the constitution like Kevin J. Martin? Who am I kidding? Nobody’s a bigger cocksucker than Kevin J. Martin. Fart.

Take that Nickelback.

Wendy O, The Plasmatics, and the Ultimate Mohawk…

For the love of Gin! Another liver-killer weekend is nearly upon us in Seattle. Between Friday and Saturday night you can see The Hands, North Twin, The Cops, Cancer Rising and A Gun That Shoots Knives. Zowie baby, life is sweet. I mean, don’t ‘cha wish you were part of the 206? Hell yeah, you do…now let’s roll:

Thursday, April 3rd:

Frank the Bunny from Donnie Darko – 2001

Donnie Darko (Director’s Cut)
Central Cinema
Troubled high school boys who talk about airplanes dropping out of the sky and evil life-size rabbits should be taken seriously. While we might not need to take Jake Gynothall seriously these days, he is completely sans-Hollywood-douche and creepy-great in Donnie Darko. The one-week showing of Donnie Darko at the Central runs through Sunday, April 6th.

Friday April 4th:

Billy Joe and the Dusty 45’s
North Twin
The Tractor Tavern
This bill has got it all. To say nothing of North Twin’s sweet Seattle spin on Americana. Okay, Billy Joe can blow a horn six ways to Sunday too. Don’t miss this show…

The Cops
Chop Suey
The Cops play The Knitting Factory in NYC on April 24th.

Saturday, April 5th

The Hands – Neumo’s – Photo By Lori Penney

The Hands
Coconut Coolouts
I must admit, I was a little slow to catch on to the Coconut Coolouts. But those days are over. I will say beyond doubt that CC’s song Party Jail completely brings down the house. But you’ll have to get out to The Funhouse on Saturday to see for yourself. Listening to the Coolouts also makes me want to watch Blue Hawaii. Which, while not surprising, makes me very happy.

Merle Haggard in his Las Vegas best…

Merle Haggard
Las Vegas
To say Merle Haggard is a country legend is an understatement. Haggard has penned songs like The Bottle Let Me Down and I Think I’ll Just Stay Here and Drink. Perennial Cherrybomb favorites. Merle Haggard is a man who escaped from San Quentin Prison. He is also a man who spent the next 15 years at San Quentin as an inmate where he saw Johnny Cash perform three times before his release. Last year, Haggard had this to say about the modern state of music:

“I wish somebody could come up with something different. Start a new trend. If only somebody could sing a song, had something to say, had a good melody or could do it in person without any any help from electronics. I think people would go nuts.”

I’m happy to say that people still go nuts at a Merle Haggard show. And that’s right on. It’s completely possible for age and genuine talent to run all over country-pop’s beautiful head till she’s dirt ugly. Music needs Merle Haggard. We need Merle Haggard. I mean, you can’t lose in Vegas when Merle’s in the room…right? You bet your boots you can’t…

Dueling Diablotones

Bad Manners
Diablotones
Natalie Wouldn’t
El Corazon (early show – doors at 4:00)

Cancer Rising – Hip-Hop that you can’t stop…

A Gun That Shoots Knives
Cancer Rising
Transmissionary Six
High Dive
It’s time again for the monthly KEXP Benefit show. This time around it’s in support of the Seattle Public Library. Cherrybomb knows her library card number by heart. Do you?

Looking Ahead:

Sam & Dave swing it Soul Man style…

On April 9th, the Northwest Film Forum Soul Night is back. Drinking and dancing to old soul 45’s while images and performances from the 60’s flicker by. Yes please.

The Supersuckers

The Supersuckers at El Corazon with Reverend Horton Heat and Nashville Pussy on Friday, June 27th. Spaghetti and the boys will also play Cherry Rock 2008 in Melbourne (Oz) on April 20th, which I’m pretending is in Cherrybomb’s honor. Why the fuck not, right? The excellent-ness of X (in their original form) and The Ravonettes also make it down under to Cherry Rock this year.

Blondie – Dreamin’ is Free…

On July 15th Blondie and The Stranglers (!) will play the three-day festival called GuilFest in the UK. While it’s not the original Strangler line up (original vocalist Hugh Cornwell hasn’t played with the band since the 90’s) the current lineup has been together for the last 16 years, more or less. And, even at 62, Deborah Harry and the boys of Blondie can still rip it and look good doing it. Take that Nickelback…

Bon Scott in full Big Balls pose…

Those dirty little rumors of an AC/DC 2008 tour just won’t die. The band has denied all tour rumors so far, including the latest one from January of this year, that had the band playing a small club in Switzerland. However, bassist Cliff Williams was recently quoted as saying “the band will be back in the studio on March 1st,” to start recording their new (and likely last) record. It’s the band’s first new release in eight years. Trust Cherrybomb on this one. Once that record comes out, that tour is on.

Vintage rock-star-crush of Cherrybomb’s Ray Davies of The Kinks.

In other fingers-crossed news, Ray Davies of The Kinks recently told the LA Times that the possibility of a Kinks reunion is quite possible. The band hasn’t played together since 1996, but Davies has continued to tour and make music as recently as 2007 with the release of Working Man’s Cafe. All I can say to that is, when “Low Budget” came on at the supermarket the other day, I sang all the words. Out loud. Then I went home and put on the eponymous Low Budget (1979), followed that up with Give the People What They Want (1981) and finished up my day with Ray with the reissue of Misfits (1978). Because, for some strange reason I needed to listen to Father Christmas.

Now Get The Fuck Out already…