Steven Tyler turns 60 today. Loses pants…

Wow. 60? That’s crazy. I guess. Okay, maybe it’s not that crazy, since Tyler was born today in 1948 in Harlem, New York. Anyways, the original Cherrybomb birthday ode to Tyler fell victim to this week’s hosting crash, so this entry was re-created using the fragmented, swimming-for-it’s-life piece of Cherrybomb’s final brain cell. Lucky for Cherrybomb, said brain cell has the uncanny ability to tread water. It also happens to be the very same brain cell that contains all my information on Steven Tyler. Phew…

Baddest “What the f*$? did he say” Tyler Vocal:

Draw the Line (Draw the Line – 1977)

If you asked me right now what my favorite Aerosmith record is, I would tell you Draw the Line. In general, if someone asks you that question, your answer should always be “Rocks” (1976). While Tyler’s vocals are completely unmistakable, they are also, at times, unintelligible. Which is pure rock and roll. Besides, I really don’t want to know what he’s saying. And that’s because it would mess up all the lyrics I made up myself, because I couldn’t understand Tyler’s vocals in the first place. For example, the last 60 seconds of Draw might be filled with these words:

Jet Set Babe. Say Goodnight, take another pill

You say, that’s impossible….right?

When you dance-dance, you’re the balls when you dance, da-dance-da-dance-dance-dance-dance. Cheeta-cheeta…

When you’re drawin’ the line

Of course, the actual lyrics are way more awesome than that. The Tyler/Perry song writing duo is deadly good. I mean, nobody writes songs using the words “vaccinate your ass with a phonograph needle.” Except Steven Tyler.

Weirdest Tyler Rehab Rumor:

When the rest of Aerosmith and a bunch of Tyler’s friends staged an intervention for the singer in 1986, Tyler looked at Joe Perry and screamed “WHAT ABOUT YOU???” And while it looks like Tyler was taking a heroin-nap on Perry (above), Joe was pretty fucked-up back then, too.

Anyways, my favorite Tyler-rehab rumor comes about three years later. I was producing the mid-day show at a radio station in Boston. The band were regulars at the station. Pump had just come out, and the band was officially back in the saddle. One day, I was cracking to the DJ I worked for that I had finally worked up the nerve to donate to the infamous Aerosmith Wall of Shame*. The then-legendary jock turned to an 18-year-old Cherrybomb and said “you’re too old for him now”. He then went on to explain that Tyler was in “treatment” for his addiction to young girls. Apparently, his wife at the time, Teresa Barrick (who made Tyler’s clothes during the late 80’s and into the 90’s), had caught him more than once with more than one of their babysitters. For the record, I’ve never met a guy without that addiction. But all bets are off when it’s your man I guess.

*Editors note: The Wall of Shame was a wall in the various Aerosmith rehearsal spaces in Boston, filled with women’s underwear. Cherrybomb was asked to donate to the wall in 1988 but refused at the time because she wasn’t wearing any underwear. Despite my lack of undie generosity, Tyler was nice enough to sign the t-shirt below for Cherrybomb. Which I was not wearing at the time. But I totally wish I was.

Cherrybomb’s Steven Tyler Brut 66 mens t-shirt

Craziest Aerosmith Concert Moment:

In 1985, Aerosmith played a show at The Manning Bowl in Lynn, Massachusetts with Foghat and another Boston band, Farenheit. It was Joe Perry’s birthday. About 20 of us made the trek to Lynn that day. It was a typical, hot, Indian Summer day in New England – perfect for a beer-filled, outdoor show. However, none of us were prepared for the scene when we arrived at the Bowl.

The 20,000-seat, football field was overrun with people, a lot of them bikers and local Lynn thug-types. There was an especially large showing from one of the local motorcycle gangs, called the Rumpot. Since the show was all General Admission, and we all happened to be between the ages of 15 and 20, we brazenly pushed our way into the crowd when Foghat hit the stage. What happened after that, and how we all got out of there, is still a mystery to Cherrybomb…

Aerosmith Manning Bowl t-shirt – 1985.

When Aerosmith finally hit the stage, a couple of 1/2-naked metal chicks decided to push beyond a thick row of bikers. About two minutes later, one of them was dragged back by her hair, covered in blood by the biggest biker I have never wanted to see in my life. The crowd, hot and agitated by Foghat’s way-too-long set, was surging forward toward the stage. People were being dragged over the stage barrier in various stages of injury and unconsciousness. Nobody was sitting in the stands, and the crowd of about 20,000 were all on the field.

I’ll never forget the look of fear on Tyler’s face as he implored the crowd to move back or they would have to stop playing. This rationale only made the crowd angrier and Tyler and the bad boys from Boston pulled the plug after about an hour or so after taking the stage.

Steven Tallarico in his birthday suit. Age 13.

At any rate, Aerosmith remains a favorite of Cherrybomb’s to this day. Tyler’s vocals get me right in the nuts every time. And even at the age of 60, Tyler hasn’t changed much. And that’s cool, because, let’s face it – we’re all gonna get old. Choosing how to get there is completely up to us. And that means we never really have to grow up. That 13 year old kid named Steven Tallarico never did. And Cherrybomb isn’t planning on growing up, either.

Take that Nickelback…

Related Cherrybombed stories:

1. Joe My GOD! Joe Perry Pushes Steven Tyler Off The Stage In Toronto…?
2. Lawyers for Steven Tyler Say Lawsuit Possible If Tyler Is Replaced…
3. Steven Tyler to Joe Perry: “I, M@therf*%k!er, Am The Rainbow!”
4. Not Again!: Steven Tyler is not OTay, Part II…
5. Steven Tyler at Cochella