Drinking Water Might Get You High…
Love that Dirty Water…
…or it might also give you boobs. But only if you live in San Francisco, so that’s okay. But man, if you’re lucky enough to live in Philly and have chronic pain, or you’ve been misdiagnosed as, let’s say, bi-polar, throw away your expensive drugs and drink more water. Straight from your faucet. And that’s because the Federal Government has never established acceptable thresholds for drugs found in drinking water :
Officials in Philadelphia said testing there discovered 56 pharmaceuticals or byproducts in treated drinking water, including medicines for pain, infection, high cholesterol, asthma, epilepsy, mental illness and heart problems. Sixty-three pharmaceuticals or byproducts were found in the city’s watersheds.
The frightening results of the massive study conducted by the Associated Press, is exactly why Cherrybomb drinks Vodka. It looks just like water but tastes like fire. And is free of all those nasty extras you mostly didn’t want in the first place. And, although the primary source of water contamination is people, animals are also doing their fair share of drugging up drinking water:
Water sampled downstream of a Nebraska feedlot had steroid levels four times as high as the water taken upstream. Male fathead minnows living in that downstream area had low testosterone levels and small heads.
Relax…it’s a mutated mushroom. What were you thinking…?
Tiny heads? Low testosterone? Man, if I were a guy (and I verra much am not), I would stop drinking water like, yesterday. Even bottled water isn’t safe anymore. Unless you’re drinking Spiritual Water that is. And who doesn’t love the crisp, refreshing taste of Christ in a bottle? Anyways, I digressed a bit there. The mushroom distracted me. While this isn’t the first independent study conducted on drinking water supplies (similar studies have been conducted in Europe and the US for decades), the AP study was the largest and most conclusive yet. The exhaustive study even included feedback from small water providers in each state as well as two providers in both Missouri and Texas:
Arlington, Texas, acknowledged that traces of a pharmaceutical were detected in its drinking water but cited post-9/11 security concerns in refusing to identify the drug. Providers in Emporia, Kansas also refused to answer AP’s questions, citing the same issue.
Anyways, as the title of this post implied, I’m sorry to give you false hope that water can get you high. Guess we’re all gonna have to stick to getting high the old fashioned way. You know, drinking, smoking, snorting, shooting and sex.
Life is good...
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