Conservatives Like Witty T-Shirts Too…
…except as you might imagine, the right handed that walk among us don’t really like to be funny. Much less wear a witty t-shirt. One of the interesting sites that pops up when you Google conservative shop on a Saturday night is called Metrospy. It’s safe to say I’ve never seen anyone wearing one of these shirts but it’s also safe to say that people who wear shirts from Metrospy don’t run in my crowd. Anyways, let’s start in the Pro-Military category, shall we? Yes we fucking shall…:
This is the Alien Invaders shirt. I’m not sure why this shirt was in the Pro-War section, since I’m pretty sure we’re not at war with Mexico. The caption for the shirt is awesomely bad:
CAPTION READS: “Do you have what it takes to defend America’s borders?”
INVADERS
- Gardener
- Soccer Player
- Pregnant woman with a buncha kids (very dangerous)
- Day laborer peeing in public
- Guy selling fruit by the road
For some reason all I can think of now is Mr. Rogers singing “these are the people in your neighborhood.” I’m just gonna stay in that happy place for now. Next up? Pro-Life slogan t’s:
Caption reads: Guns Don’t Kill People. Abortion Clinics Kill People.
Am I wrong here or is this shirt the wrong color? Yellow makes me mellow, man. A pissed off baby with a gun is strictly black t-shirt material. The yellow background just doesn’t make me want to give a baby a gun so they can go kill a hippie. But enough of the t-shirts, I need more ways to express my conservative side. How about a bumper sticker? It’s the ultimate way to express your inner douche…:
Have you ever been to Jesus Land? I hear it’s just like Disneyland except it’s not fun or anything. And Jesus is just some teenager dressed in a Jesus suit at Jesus Land. It’s such a let-down.
Okay, that’s that for tonight. It’s high GTFO time and that top shelf ain’t gonna drink itself, baby. And just so we’re clear, I don’t want you to buy anything from Metrospy. Even the bumper sticker will make you look fat and stupid. But, it’s a free country. If you’re from Jesus Land, be proud. Put that bumper sticker on your Ford F-150 right next to your “my kid beat up your honor student” bumper sticker.
It makes us easier to spot you…
