The “OG” Angie…not that other one who makes you feel like shit because you’re not that pretty, perfect or philanthropic. Although , sorry to break it to you, Angie Dickinson is way prettier than you. Even you know that…

Anyways, tonight, Cherrybomb says happy birthday to the hotness that is Sgt. Pepper.

And if you want more Angie see “Big Bad Mama“. Wait a minute…I meant to say if you want to see Angie naked you must endure “The Shatner” and Sally Kirkland in “Big Bad Mama”. The good news there is that Shatner looked like this and not this in that flick.

For sure it’s a win/win situation baby. You might even want to rent “Big Bad Mana II“. Except Angie does not get totally naked in part II. But if I have to tell you a mostly naked Angie Dickinson is better than your hand on a Sunday night…well, I’ll just stop there ’cause this is getting kind of awkward…

Like John McCain. I can tell he’s jawing with himself because of this:

In a recent interview with Beliefnet, the senator said that the “Constitution established the United States of America as a Christian nation.”

Now, you don’t need me to tell you there ain’t no place in The Constitution that says that. Man, I love it when politicians trust others to read shit for them. Not that I really blame McCain. The bible is a great work of fiction. But given the choice, I would so rather be reading Hustler or something. Unless I had incurable insomnia. Then it’s all about Esquire.

Okay…nobody really “reads” Hustler or Esquire but you know what I’m saying…

Now all ABOARD the God Band-Wagon…seriously, who’s next? Wait…is that you Rudy? Didn’t you get that restraining order? It said stay at least 1000 feet away from the gate.

I love that song as much as I love the Super Awesome Happy Power of Jimmy Chow.

Behold the bloody Kung-Fu Master known as JC…

So NOW I know why Nancy Pelosi has been so ineffective. She has been wasting her time talking to God. Dang it Nancy…don’t you know God is a shitty corespondent? He’s like your ex-boyfriend (or girlfriend, ’cause God could totally be a chick. I saw “Dogma” like 12 times so I’m totally sure about that). Then God calls saying you can have that ride to the “free clinic” on Saturday and never shows up. I mean, you ARE the Speaker of the House…Newt Gingrich was Speaker of the House. The man is named after a amphibian for christsake. Come on Nancy…give me a better headline to work with…

The Democratic candidate you never heard of, Dennis Kucinich, is “seriously thinking” about calling out Dr. Strangelove (aka, Dick “The Dick” Cheney). And when I say “calling out” I mean invoking a parliamentary measure that would force the house to vote on impeaching Dick “hold still ’cause I’m gonna shoot you in the face now” Cheney.

Thinking about it and saying you’re thinking about it on a syndicated radio talk show makes you accountable for you statements. Mission accomplished Dennis, you got our attention.

Now show us wha’cha got…

And they’re smiling. At each-other. On the same stage.

Diamond Dave and Eddie “The Bionic Man” Van Halen act like it’s 1978 all over again in Charlotte, North Carolina. Check out Rolling Stone for more photos of the first show of the tour last night. I’m telling you…Eddie is looking so good with his new ‘toofs and six-pack. Dave is no slouch either. I mean…look at this photo:

Just so you know, the man in the photo is DLR. Mr. Roth will turn 54 on October 10th.

More later…I got to go to the gym now and do like 5000 sit-ups.

VH hits Seattle on 12/3 for a sold out show…

So how can you tell if you or someone you love is one or the other? Well, our “friends” at the federally-funded Dark Web have some helpful tips for us. I included translations because there are lots of big words…

“That component, called Writeprint, helps combat the Web’s anonymity (privacy laws) by studying (spying on) thousands of lingual (anyone who speaks using words), structural and semantic (anyone who speaks and uses lots of fancy words) features in online postings (your blog). With 95 percent certainty, it can attribute multiple postings to a single author (95% certainty = you).”

“From there, Dark Web (I got nothing. The name totally works for me) has the ability (authorization and financial support of the federal government) to track a single person (= you) over time (every waking hour) as his views (free thoughts) become radicalized (are different from the federal government).”

“The project analyzes which types of individuals (= you) might be more susceptible (have liberal tendencies) to recruitment by extremist (liberal) groups , and which messages or rhetoric (opinions) are more effective in radicalizing people.”

“Dark Web also uses complex tracking software called Web spiders (spider-spies…I know, it sounds cool but it’s not) to search discussion threads and other content (your blog entry) to find the corners of the Internet where terrorist (liberal) activities are taking place. But according to [Arizona's] Hsinchun Chen, sometimes the terrorists fight back.”

“They can put booby-traps in their Web forums,” Chen explains, “and the spider can bring back viruses (if it helps I saw this hooker down the street that probably has the Herp) to our machines (devil-spy boxes).” This online cat-and-mouse (big brother is watching) game means Dark Web must be constantly vigilant (spying) against (on) these (everyone) and other counter-measures (blogging about Dark Web) deployed by the terrorists.”

With that said, I would like to apply for a $500,000 government grant to move the fuck to Canada. Thank You.

Thanks to Wired for the story.

Beth Ditto of The Gossip hits it out of the park with this version of “I Will Always Love You”. I promise it will clean your head of that other version that might still be kicking around up there…

I was telling you like a week ago that October was gonna be busy, scene-wise. But MAN…September is going out with a Cherrybomb for sure…now on to my wreckamendations. It’s also quite possible I dig up some more for you so check back later…:

Thursday, September 26th:
Kinski (without a doubt worth that Friday hangover you long to be rid of…sweet Jesus on a hot tin roof Kinski, rules. “Down Below it’s Chaos” was released just a couple of days ago, which is great and sad if you didn’t pre-order the new record by 9/21. If you did, then you got a copy of the limited-edition CD-R of the legendary Kinski performance at the Triple Door when they played live accompaniment with the 1927 silent film, “Berlin, Symphony of a City” by Walter Ruttmann)
The Crocodile Cafe

Lesbian
The “Power Hor’s” themselves will set off for the East coast with stops in Boston, NYC, and CT. Then it’s off to conquer Europe in early spring.
The Sunset Tavern

Friday, September 27th:
Dick Dale (Yeah, the surf guitar king himself…it’s a Rockabilly Weekend after all…)
The Fucking Eagles (Tacomatose Rawk straight from, uh…Tacoma…)
Hell’s Kitchen
$20 – 21+

Friday, 9/27, Saturday, 9/28 and Sunday, 9/29

Shake the Shack Rockabilly Ball

I could literally stop here because this annual event is one of the best things to ever happen to Seattle. Rockabilly takes over The Tractor Tavern all weekend long. The Car Show at The Shanty Tavern on Saturday even includes a High Noon performance from 1234, the excellent Ramones tribute band. I swear when you see Greg Thomsen you will think Dee-Dee himself has risen again. 1234’s lineup changed last year with the addition of Donny Paycheck (of the equally excellent Zeke) on drums. And don’t worry about Zeke, Donny’s still hitting it with them and they just re-released a couple of oldies but goodies on vinyl (and cd). Supersound Racing and Flat Tracker can be found at your local independent record store. Where else you gonna go…Best Buy? That’s just wrong, baby. Cut the cord already. That place smells like desperation on a Friday night by the phone. And you don’t want that stench on you…it’s a sex-repellent.

Zeke rolls back home at the end of October with a gig at Winterland in Bremerton.

The Crystal Method (All DJ’s, all the time…or a “DJ Only Set” if that just went right over your hipster head)
The Showbox
$20 advance – $25 at the door

Saturday, September 29th:
Lillian Axe (No, it’s not a drunko – a tpyo made while drunk – Lillian Axe is still a BAND)
Ronny Monroe (from Metal Church)
Studio 7

Cut Chemist
“What’s the Altitude” is some great hip hop. CC has some serious skills…
Nectar Lounge

Sunday, September 30th:
Paper Dolls (Paper Dolls and a Funhouse? Yes please…)
The Funhouse
$6

Klaxons (If Klaxons doesn’t get you moving then you’re dead…)
The Showbox
$15 advance – $17 at the door ALL AGES

See you but don’t wanna do you so step…

And don’t blame me if you decide to stick a phono-needle in your ass…blame Steven Tyler. He said it first. But enough talk of sticking things in your ass. I am happy to report that Vinyl is so BACK. And, although it never truly went away, these days it’s almost unusual to have a new release hit the shelves without a (or multiple) vinyl option. Cherrybomb dropped by Sonic Boom recently…here is the aftermath:

Lesbian – Power Hor – 2007
I love Lesbian. This record is steaming with metal goodness from beginning to end.

The Earaches – Get the Revolution Out of Your Head – 1995
Hands down my favorite Seattle band. This one is from 2005 and replaces the copy someone lifted from me. And to whoever stole it…I’m so gonna kill you…

Led Zeppelin – Physical Graffiti – 1975
Because everyone knows that whenever possible on a first date you put on side Two of Led Zeppelin Four. Even a couple of KEXP prime-time DJ’s have recently rocked cuts from Cherrybomb’s favorite Zep record.

Snitches Get Stiches – Even a Butchered Carcass Can Shine
This records makes me cry it’s so heavy-good…

Aerosmith – Aerosmith – 1973
Okay, so maybe I was feeling a little nostalgic but man…those boys sing the blues like they were sitting on a porch in the Delta drinking gin. Except they were actually sitting on a porch in Jamaica Plain with a case of tall boys. And Gin. And probably a bunch of cocaine and some ‘ludes to mellow out with but that’s definitely it. In this case, I picked up the cd because I was getting sick of trying to cram my vinyl copy into my car’s cd player…

The Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs – isis – 2007
Karen O does stuff with her voice that do not always involve words. A wicked and solid EP.

Marvin Gaye – What’s Going On – 1971
I highly recommend you get your hands on a copy of this record…in vinyl form. If it’s possible, it actually sounds better. Okay, it’s totally possible…

Grinderman – Nick Cave – 2007
Sleazegrinder sent me an advance copy of “Grinderman” and I pretty much flipped. Then I flipped again when I found a vinyl copy. If you like Nick Cave (and how can you not?) you gotta have this record. Although I am pretty sure Mr. Cave has never suffered from the “No Pussy Blues”. Ever.

So what are you listening to…?

Check out Athens bringing the rock again. Cherrybomb thinks you will dig ‘em. DC has got the dirty garage thing going complete with my favorite, guitar solos. No dates for Dead Confederate in this part of the country yet but loads of dates for the East coast.

My apologies to all you history buffs for misleading you with the title of this post…

Dennis Kucinich could be our next president. Or maybe he was that guitarist for KISS at one point in the late 80’s… Kulick, Kucinich…it’s hard to say if you heard of either of them.

If you have heard of Dennis Kucinich, let me know. If you have, I find your statements wildly ridiculous…and so do the pollsters…

Polls are full of shit (and STD’s but only if you use a downtown phone booth to answer your calls). So love yourself enough to glove yourself and never take part in one. A poll that is. Taking part in a poll doesn’t make you automatically smart like you think. And it won’t get you into some boss threesome like you hope. You got to do that on your own baby.

The sad fact about polls (and your chances for that threesome) is that the media hypnotonicizes us into believing they mean something. And yeah, hypnotonics is so a word. I just used it in an out-of-context statement that made you pay attention.

Now that I have you attention, let me relieve you of the pain of waiting for that guy to call you on Saturday night. Or what your Saturday night usually consists of, which might be watching or answering a poll. Poll will call you honey, but it won’t mean anything. Poll just wanted to “talk”. It didn’t mean to text you at 1:30 in the morning asking “waht are u waering?”. That was drunk dialing. You made the mistake of picking up so this is really your fault.

Get informed. And drunk, fat and lazy is no way to go through life. Especially since ,at some point, we are all gonna have to run for the border. And not for Taco Bell (or taco “hell” as you call it, when it’s falling helplessly out of your ass at 4:00am)…I’m talking about running for your life.

So, no fair…don’t know what to be afraid of more, “the terrorists”, the m@therf*ckin’ snakes or these guys. Okay, DHS is way more scary than snakes in the garden of eden and on a m@therf*ckin’ plane man…everyone knows that.

Although “The Automated Targeting System” has monitored your stuff since the 90’s, TATS was frighteningly enhanced in 2002. So here is some advice: don’t pack your copy of “Catcher In The Rye” or your favorite liberal slogan t-shirt because it might be cataloged for 15 years if they find it in your luggage. I mean the statute of limitations is 7 years and your average felon serves 1/2 their term at best.

What the Fuck Peter Buck…how the hell am I supposed to get to NYC now?

Thanks to AFJ for the link.

And WHEN is the last time you saw a bottle of Uzo? And don’t say last weekend because I totally don’t believe you. Unless you were at The Seattle Greek Festival. Cherrybomb was doing a pretty good job tending bar until that Midori showed up. A good bartender always knows when to hold ‘em and when to walk away. So you know, it’s always time to walk when the green devil that is Midori shows up…

Thanks to The 007’s for a great time…

So far, DMX has denied being on the property (a property with a house that DMX owns and pays “people” to care for as well as his dogs) where the remains of two dogs were found last month. A third dog found buried (on DMX’s property that he owns) was burned so badly that the cause of it’s death could not be determined. DMX’s reps also deny that DMX had anything to do with the abuse of a dozen dogs that were also seized during a raid of the property (DMX’s property. Remember? The property DMX’s owns and pays people to take care of).

Murray Richman (DMX’s soon to be busier than hell lawyer) said that DMX was not at the home (DMX’s house, not “Run’s House”) during the raid, hadn’t been there for months, and was paying caretakers and veterinarians to care for his animals.

Maybe DMX should have made sure the people he hired to “care” for his dogs actually “cared” about dogs in the first place. The next thing DMX should do is take responsibility for what happened. Even Michael Vick did which doesn’t make him any less of a douchebag dog murderer, just so you know, DMX. Keep that in mind, because that’s what you are. You didn’t love those dogs like your lawyer has said in the past. If you did, they would have been living high like you do…not dead and mauled to shreds in the fucking ground of YOUR OWN BACKYARD.

Thanks to AP and Dlisted for this story…

Former Runaway band members Lita Ford and Joan Jett turned 49 last week (Lita on 9/19 and Joan on 9/22). I can’t help but wonder if they celebrated together. I mean, since Joan didn’t appear in the Runaways docu “Edgeplay” it’s probably a safe bet they didn’t eat cake together. But I hope they did because cake is really good. Personally, I always loved Lita…she had the best hair and the balls to pick up a double neck (proving they are not just for BOYS after-all). I mean, I never should have believed Rick Nielson when he said that. And for the record, Rick, $65 is too much for tickets to see your band. Despite the fact that I love your excellent band Rick, I can’t plunk down $65 smackers to see you play at a casino. And that’s saying a lot since I love drinking, gambling and Cheap Trick. Shame on you Rick…but while we’re chatting here could you tell Robin I’m not mad at him. Just you.

Of course, Lita wasn’t the only chick to do a double neck…check out this Semie Moseley custom built for Barbara Mandrel back in 1980. Kurt and Johnny both played Mosrite guitars. And although Kurt looked pretty good in a dress, Lita is definitely the coolest chick to play a double neck guitar.

Lita’s weapon of choice? That would be a BC Rich (or “Rich Bich” which also happens to be Cherrybomb’s favorite guitar).

Anyways, both ladies look pretty dang good for 49. Especially Joan which makes me think she is also in cahoots with that devil-dude. I’m not too sure what Lita has been up to lately, except for turning down a spot on MTV’s “The Surreal Life” last year. Of course, if you’re still a fan (like me) you’ll be happy to hear that BGO Records just released Lita’s first two solo records, “Out for Blood” and “Dancin’ on the Edge”. Joan Jett never stops touring (except when Carmen Electra tells her too…meow) and to prove my point, JJ and her Blackhearts play Chicago tomorrow night, opening for Aerosmith.

Rumors of a Runaways reunion were lost to all when Sandy West passed away last year after a long, heroic bout with cancer.

That’s it for now kids. Ch-Ch-Ch-Cherrybombed has to go dream about Lita, Joan and Carmen rolling around together on a bed of guitars…how about you?

This time around, Jay Vance (or “JBOT“, the only “human” in Captured! By Robots) has dedicated the current C!BR “Dubya” tour to the last 7 years of our current administration.

JBOT is like Dr. Frankenstein with a penchant for, well, robots. And forget what you know about robots. C!BR would give Will Robinson a fucking heart attack and would kick HAL’s pansy, robotic ass. Even Mr. Roboto himself got nothing on DRMBOT. If you have never seen C!BR I recommend you head to The Funhouse on October 12th. It’s like MST3K (the MST3K episodes with Joel Hodgson were always the best. I can’t tell you how many hours of my life were spent watching that show) to life complete with entrails and guitars.

The “Dubya” tour clanks on through December.

So, October brings two good things…’least in my book, which if you haven’t read, it’s called “How To Drink Like a Sailor But Not Look Like One”. I have (successfully ) cultivated the look, so I know it can be done. Besides, I never try anything…I just do it…

But back to the point of this post, which is two excellent things that happen next month. In addition to the countless other things that happen in October, (which does not include calling October, “Rocktober”) Earl Greyhound and Greg Dulli roll into town. Stay tuned for the pulse on October ’cause I got it and you want it…

And now for something completely different…

And we’re back…

So, back AGAIN to the point of this fucking post, which is Earl mo#$%@!cking Greyhound is coming to Seattle on October 3rd (opening for Chris Cornell) at the Paramount. EG is large. At least for a three-piece. Last time they tried to play Seattle, their van wrecked somewhere in the middle of this (once) great country and they had to bag. Well that was then and this is now…be there.

Oh yeah, the other Earl thing about October was the TV show “My Name Is Earl” being back on, but then I realized I didn’t like that show last time I saw it. Okay, one more chance, Earl, and only on Thursday nights when I don’t go out. Which is NEVER, but still, I leave the door of hope open for you. You and Jamie Presley though, and…okay, that hot Latin chick that cleans the hotel rooms. But NOT that guy who plays you’re brother on the show. Unless he has beer. In that case, he can come, but he has to say outside. And he can’t use the bathroom…

I don’t know if any of you saw the actual MoveOn ad but it takes a pretty wicked jab at Gen. David Petraeus (commander of the U.S. troops in Iraq). Read more from AP…

Here is more blah-blah Busshit from YNW:

At a news conference Thursday, President Bush criticized Democrats for not immediately condemning the MoveOn.org ad, which he called “disgusting.”

“And that leads me to come to this conclusion: that most Democrats are afraid of irritating a left-wing group like MoveOn.org, or more afraid of irritating them, then they are of irritating the United States military,” Bush said.

“Irritating”…hmmm that’s an interesting choice of words. I mean, Jock-itch is irritating right? Running out of Sapphire during happy hour (and yes, it really happened and no, I have never been back to that bar….I mean, HOW do you run out of Sapphire in June?) is irritating.

What truly is irritating is how some of your own Senators voted.

I love Johnny Lydon. He has absolutely no filter. Recently, when speaking about the upcoming gig the remaining Pistols will do (one gig, one night, no tour) Lydon was asked about the recent Police reunion. I love it when he calls Sting, “Stink”. It’s so 3rd grade:

The former punk rebel dismissed Sting as “STINK, saying: “That really is a reformation isn’t it? But honestly that’s like soggy old dead carcasses.

“You know listening to Stink try to squeak through Roxanne one more time, that’s not fun.

“It’s like letting air out of a balloon.”

So who’s next on the “reunion” train? Led Zeppelin…? The odds are 1 in 50 that you’ll even get into that gig Jack-O…but Cherrybomb’s pullin’ for you…